Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML
Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML
Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML
Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML
Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML
Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML
Today, after sacrificing multiple weekends to help my kid brother with his various projects, I asked him to help me with one of mine. He nearly blew up at the thought of losing an evening of his free time on a simple task, so I postponed it to later, which means never. FML
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML
Today, while I was in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been Facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
If he asks for your help to find a place to hide a dead body, for God's sake, DON'T HELP HIM!
tygerarmy 35
Nothing like the love a sibling.
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Comments (87)
mrmozard 4
Touché brother
channelmonica 17
Hey, OP here. I'm rather surprised this of all things to go wrong actually got published. Yes, I am a girl and I was talking about my older brother. Unfortunately, he is older than 18, so the whole "parent punishment" idea won't work - now that he's in college I hardly see him as is. I'm not that bothered by it because he's done worse growing up in our household. Yes, it's been "brother - sister rivalry" since the beginning of time. Even though I can miss him at times, things have been a lot easier since he got out of the house. He never tells me anything that goes on in his life, so it would have been nice to see what he has been up to via Facebook. However, I am no stalker and respect my brother's privacy.
channelmonica 17
Hey, OP here. I'm rather surprised this of all things to go wrong actually got published. Yes, I am a girl and I was talking about my older brother. Unfortunately he is older than 18, so the whole "parent punishment" idea won't work - now that he's in college I hardly see him as is. I'm not that bothered by it because he's done worse growing up in our household. Yes, brother - sister rivalry since the beginning of time. Even though I can miss him at times, things have been a lot easier since he got out of the house. He never tells me anything that goes on in his life, so would have been nice to see what he has been up to via Facebook. However, I am no stalker and respect my brother's privacy.
worthlessACfan 11
that's smthn my brother could do too