Money: Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 1

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 122

03/10/2010 18:34

Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and get a job so we can get married, because then he'll have enough money to buy the truck he's had his eyes on for our whole relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 395

You deserved it 3 982

BO Central

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Slow moving accident

30/03/2009 18:08

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 103

You deserved it 16 719

10/11/2011 11:16

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 384

You deserved it 6 058

22/09/2010 12:11

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 3 978

10/08/2017 16:00

Today, I got an angry text from a random number calling me a lying piece of shit. I then realized that was the first person to text me in weeks. I ended up having a fake argument with someone because I was so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 652

You deserved it 553

26/08/2011 04:55

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 595

You deserved it 8 615

Respect should be earned

By sarah - 06/06/2020 20:00

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 382

You deserved it 203

11/10/2011 20:05

Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 2 924

08/02/2010 14:18

Today, my wife told me that she wants a divorce. Apparently, I'm taking too long to forgive her for having an affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 871

You deserved it 4 078

24/04/2015 16:27

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 6 232

21/09/2010 22:07

Spicy

Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 789

You deserved it 3 959

10/06/2013 05:26

Today, my mother and grandmother informed me that my sixteen-year-old dog died. I was standing in Wal-Mart at the time. They then yelled at me because crying in public is "inappropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 587

You deserved it 4 133

07/08/2010 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 6 997

27/03/2012 05:52

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 567

You deserved it 10 989

08/04/2009 15:53

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 814

You deserved it 3 381

28/06/2014 14:08

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 153

You deserved it 6 584

07/02/2011 02:05

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 581

You deserved it 3 806

05/07/2011 04:04

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 902

You deserved it 8 420

09/06/2009 21:40

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 154

You deserved it 17 292

13/08/2015 14:54

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 450

You deserved it 1 643

13/09/2017 08:00

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 4 514

21/11/2012 20:43

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 670

You deserved it 4 654

Check these out, guys!

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 13:59

Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 677

14/02/2013 07:39

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 079

You deserved it 59 251

18/08/2011 08:45

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 630

You deserved it 2 974

13/07/2011 06:47

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 256

You deserved it 9 346

Live dumping

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 1 887

16/05/2012 03:05

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 925

You deserved it 4 239

03/04/2019 16:00

Today, a cockroach flew towards me, and out of panic I dropped my car keys in the sewer. Not only did I lose my keys, but the cake I made for a client is stuck inside the car. It's for a wedding, and they're arriving in the reception area in a few minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 972

You deserved it 409

Cool trick, mom

By fuck florida - 16/05/2014 19:26

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom showing her friends that she can deepthroat a banana. That's something I could've lived a long and happy life without seeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 271

You deserved it 5 960

Double dipping

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 08:00

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 217

21/08/2009 16:18

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 693

You deserved it 3 009

16/02/2012 01:54

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 3 094

31/10/2012 20:24

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 191

You deserved it 4 147

21/09/2009 17:16

Today, I parked my truck next to a rather large SUV at school, went to class for 8 hours straight, came back and found my passenger side door crumpled from where they had backed out and hit it. They left a note on my window that said, "Sorry about your truck, but I don't have insurance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 711

You deserved it 2 706

06/09/2014 06:11

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 734

You deserved it 6 796

05/09/2009 21:14

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 909

You deserved it 47 921

24/04/2011 01:02

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 042

You deserved it 52 843

16/01/2012 08:19

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 13 657

18/08/2009 04:44

Today, it was my 21st birthday. All my friends showed up at my house already drunk, so I had to be the designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 045

You deserved it 3 867

20/06/2012 23:08

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 416

You deserved it 3 384

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Top comments

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Sunday 3 October 2010 23:57

How thoughtful.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 23:58

Not selfish at all is he? dump him if u ask me

Comments

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Sunday 3 October 2010 23:57

How thoughtful.

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:04

Tell him to get a job and buy it himself.

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:17

Classy.

zp5 4

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:57

17 in your pic you look it too.

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Monday 4 October 2010 2:00

fack

HahaHokayThen 10

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Monday 4 October 2010 2:39

YDI, OP for being uglier than a truck.

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Monday 4 October 2010 5:20

Fuck

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Monday 4 October 2010 6:25

at least he wants to get married? lol sorry OP sucks for u

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Monday 4 October 2010 6:34

well at least he wants to marry you, don't be selfish

BadPinkKitty07 0

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Monday 4 October 2010 6:44

truck this shift! heh, see what I did there? word play. :D

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Sunday 3 October 2010 23:58

Not selfish at all is he? dump him if u ask me

BigDaddyWilkWilk 2

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Monday 4 October 2010 2:57

it was prolly just an off hand comment. I say that shit all the time. except I already asked my gf to marry me and we will get a ton more money after. Hello flat screen!

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Monday 31 December 2018 10:05

Yeah you have to compensate somehow right?

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Sunday 3 October 2010 23:59

trolololol

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Sunday 3 October 2010 23:59

Sounds fair to me ;)

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:03

What a selfish jerk. I swear, some men are just self-centered chauvinist pigs.

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:53

oh so thats why you're single! not because youre a pimply face fat chick who spends all day reading fml's to feel better about herself. ye, thats it

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:56

Wow, you're a real piece of work, aren't you? Stop making assumptions and play nicely. Liecake didn't say all men were like that, not even most, she said some.

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:02

hey its the girl who thinks shes the most mature bad ass on fml! :] anyway...you're saying all women are perfect? 2 in 10 guys are dicks so were all lumped together as dicks. 2 in 10 girls are sluts but woman dont get lumped together like men.

Dr_Awesome654 24

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Wednesday 6 July 2016 19:49

Who are you talking to? Anyways, the commenter could have just said, "people."

Idahoarmywife 3

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:04

Buy the truck yourself and don't letter him drive it. His punishment for being a dumbass.

Idahoarmywife 3

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:06

*let* stupid phone

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:06

I'd say stick to your own plans. He was at least honest with you, it doesn't mean to say that he doesn't care. But yeah, it does sound selfish. Basically, just explain to him that you aren't going to change your plans for him to get a truck, and that if he wants it so badly, he should earn the money himself. If he leaves you for it, you're better off without him.

zp5 4

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:30

I agree. but if he'd do that, he would be a selfish dick with no life other than to get that one truck. and that would be really sad.

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:31

Yes, which is why I believe she'd be better off without him if that's what he chose to do.

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:52

Is that chick hiddeous or is it just me?

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:59

Sorry, I don't understand the definition of hiddeous. I know the definition of hideous, but that's a different comment.

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:01

31- Its just you.

zp5 4

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:03

40 I'm to late :(

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:05

cinn stfu, no one gives a dam about your half ass, cookie cutter advice posts. go away

zp5 4

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:11

43 as a matter of fact a lot of people do. you're just stupid.

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:19

shuttup, no one listens to ugly women

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:24

Keilanclarke, don't you get it yet? Some people aren't as shallow as you.

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:25

People listen to her comments more then anybody ever listens to yours. You shouldn't be commenting on her pic. Especially since you don't have one yourself, probably because you're too insecure.

UnluckyChicka 0

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:32

46- bitch much?

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:38

Iv read alot of FML's and you seem to put the best advice in alot of them xD. idk just ha to say that.

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Monday 4 October 2010 2:04

cinn is prettier than me so I don't know what you're on about. fml isn't here for you to insult people's profile pictures. but on that topic, where are your pictures? oh and many, many ugly women are very successful in life and own multimillion companies. what about you? :)

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Monday 4 October 2010 4:41

I agree

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Monday 4 October 2010 7:39

ice bank mice elf... I don't get it... go pickacu, use thundershock on kellandouche!

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Monday 4 October 2010 8:22

Ice Bank Mice Elf = I Spank Myself That is sofa king funny.

zp5 4

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:08

well. do it.

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:09

Why f your life then? Ur the one who's probably selfish after all..

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:11

Where is Ignorance? Joohoo!

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:30

Oh why? Long time no speak! :D

Schizomaniac 24

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:33

Ding dong the witch is dead, the Wicked Witch is dead!

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:35

But we need her!

Schizomaniac 24

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:45

Sigh..

Schizomaniac 24

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Monday 4 October 2010 2:49

No!!! *Runs away crying*

xxxkittykatxxx 0

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Monday 4 October 2010 0:13

O.o But it then hit him with it xD. JOKING! JOKING! But wow...:/