Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi,... - FML

By Lisa - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10753

You deserved it

35754

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Commando

Suspicious minds

By misc - Netherlands

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35719

You deserved it

7212

Tweet

Share

By worker666 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43822

You deserved it

4230

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6648

You deserved it

566

Tweet

Share

By JWhite - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33026

You deserved it

2649

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 17:58 - Canada - Moncton

Thanks, babe

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend of almost 4 years completely forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

851

You deserved it

96

Tweet

Share

By mommymo - Australia

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

43073

You deserved it

4385

Tweet

Share

By bthms - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32834

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By Crying

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4692

You deserved it

354

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70991

You deserved it

6254

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Winder

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14444

You deserved it

1069

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5058

You deserved it

1311

Tweet

Share

By KidKillah - United States - Napa

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24967

You deserved it

3164

Tweet

Share

By mathhhh - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10042

You deserved it

38292

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39901

You deserved it

5376

Tweet

Share

By not a boy toy

Today, I attended the will reading of the old lady who accidentally ran me over with her car years ago. I was affectionately mentioned and was left with something rather substantial. I had to listen through all that while getting evil leers and silently judged by family members who got squat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5462

You deserved it

703

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42506

You deserved it

3260

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32407

You deserved it

3701

Tweet

Share

By Weathersucks - France

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32612

You deserved it

3047

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27387

You deserved it

8827

Tweet

Share

By roobb - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56504

You deserved it

3108

Tweet

Share

By annoyedgirl - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was forced to work with someone I absolutely hate. I then found myself starting to like him, until he shot me in the forehead with a stapler gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52431

You deserved it

4719

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 14:02

Flattery will get you nowhere

Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

688

You deserved it

189

Tweet

Share

By Yikes - United States - Cumberland

Today, I finally found the single flaw in my perfect boyfriend. It's herpes. Genital herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16831

You deserved it

1701

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22227

You deserved it

5074

Tweet

Share

By meens42 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58116

You deserved it

2820

Tweet

Share

By SapphireRaven - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43460

You deserved it

2553

Tweet

Share

By "syd_the_kidd_9707"

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2225

You deserved it

185

Tweet

Share

By Shitty Boss Shitty Job - United States - Davenport

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and made the half hour drive to work only to find out that it was my day off. After finally getting back home and into bed, my boss called, requesting that I come back to work since I was "already up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

51906

You deserved it

6543

Tweet

Share

By polimeros - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13567

You deserved it

41647

Tweet

Share

By OfficeSlave - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26884

You deserved it

3412

Tweet

Share

By weirdlove - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33533

You deserved it

7961

Tweet

Share

By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond

Say yes

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32931

You deserved it

5157

Tweet

Share

By TheHezzer - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29564

You deserved it

2332

Tweet

Share

By Lifetime Presents: - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married. His "crazy ex-wife" is not all that crazy, and is still his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14448

You deserved it

988

Tweet

Share

By gazza - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23350

You deserved it

1739

Tweet

Share

By julichlove - United States - Louisville

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18772

You deserved it

40236

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39595

You deserved it

24221

Tweet

Share

By Sugao - France

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37888

You deserved it

7575

Tweet

Share

By callie - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37823

You deserved it

6614

Tweet

Share

By buymeadrank - United States

Today, is my long-anticipated 21st birthday! Today also happens to be the first day of my period. I've spent the whole morning in the fetal position with agonizing cramps, reduced to tears and whimpering while the painkiller refuses to kick in. Happy birthday! Love, my uterus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95469

You deserved it

9267

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Cartain | 0

#750661 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:20

I think this is very much your fathers FML.

By youdidwhatnow | 0

#750631 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:06

FYL... dumbass

COMMENTS

By wa2_ev | 0

#750624 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:04

ouch ..

Reply

metalfan333 | 0

#822746 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:34

another fake story

Reply

polarice24 | 2

#994412 - Saturday 15 May 2010 17:25

ur dad probably said "when do u wanna come over?" mmmm damn nice boner right there

Reply

bballer55 | 0

#1040802 - Thursday 24 June 2010 5:19

oh so deserved this one u always say hello and wait for a reply so u kno its him

Reply

jrkarikas | 0

#1046274 - Sunday 27 June 2010 20:04

haha I did that too! I said hey this is John what time should I eat you out? it was her friend. good thing she just laughed it off.

By youdidwhatnow | 0

#750631 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:06

FYL... dumbass

Reply

marulicko | 19

#5796853 - Wednesday 18 December 2013 15:18

A couple of days later, here on FML:
"Today I called my daughter from her boyfriend's cell phone. She answered by saying I should fuck her raw. FML"

By GrtJzzMn | 0

#750634 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:07

To bad you didn't have call display.

Reply

meepmeep_fml | 0

#751596 - Sunday 3 January 2010 1:35

are you retarded?

Reply

MadPercussion | 0

#1022098 - Monday 7 June 2010 2:06

yes, yes he is.

Reply

smerry | 3

#1364144 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:44

3 r u stuipid learn how to read her dad was using her boyfriends phone dumbass

Reply

Hunthas | 17

#2375541 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 3:03

excuse me, I believe you mean "Too" bad. Lurn too trole newb!

Reply

jake12221212121 | 4

#4515557 - Sunday 3 June 2012 6:39

I thumb myself up a lot. I'm a bit insecure like that.

Reply

Bradley_Dillon | 39

#5701647 - Friday 4 October 2013 2:16

She knew it was him...

By JManHobbs | 0

#750640 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:10

She did have CallerID that's the point. FYL OP.

Reply

Bradley_Dillon | 39

#5701651 - Friday 4 October 2013 2:17

That guy made me cry. D: I'm a bit late on this one.. That's not bad!

By itspimpz | 0

#750649 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:14

ohh Lisa you naughty girl you shud give me a call.

By Cartain | 0

#750661 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:20

I think this is very much your fathers FML.

Reply

babygirllove | 0

#3791985 - Tuesday 27 December 2011 4:57

Im pretty sure it's her FML too

By indiechickXD | 0

#750684 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:40

lmfao.
Niceee chickie, nicee.

By DynamicDave | 11

#750685 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:40

Haha you fail! It's gonna be awkward next time you see your dad.

By hippy_lady | 4

#750690 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:45

serves you right.

Reply

shiznutmuffin | 0

#817820 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:28

I know right that's some messed up stuff

Reply

lifesuck7 | 4

#2636490 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:25

haha awkward.!!

By perdix | 29

#750694 - Saturday 2 January 2010 16:49

So, did he accept or reject your invitation?

Which is worse -- incest or being put in the Friend Zone by your own dad?

Reply

iplaylax | 0

#1025992 - Thursday 10 June 2010 6:32

hmmm id say incest