Miscellaneous: Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear.... - FML

By samgonzalessb - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought me a voice personalized build-a-bear. I thought he was going to propose to me through it, only to press the foot of the bear and hear "we should break up" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41252

You deserved it

3811

Tweet

Share

The smell detective is on the case

Very fishy

Added flavor

By SickSmick - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51501

You deserved it

3478

Tweet

Share

By Anony-moose - United States

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26059

You deserved it

2554

Tweet

Share

By dating a fucking psycho - United States - Hickory

Today, I tried to give some change to a homeless man. My girlfriend pulled me away and ranted about how homeless people are all basically bastards who deserve their misfortune, and that I shouldn't give "our" money away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33797

You deserved it

6015

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35710

You deserved it

3988

Tweet

Share

By nerd - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36305

You deserved it

5714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41126

You deserved it

7774

Tweet

Share

By ks.swan13

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43559

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By ummPORQUE - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34927

You deserved it

70515

Tweet

Share

By Kurda - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27449

You deserved it

2744

Tweet

Share

By pookie99 - United States

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41610

You deserved it

5539

Tweet

Share

By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33723

You deserved it

3143

Tweet

Share

By Dr Pepper

I'm not sad. Or am I?

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

859

You deserved it

1562

Tweet

Share

By cantcloselegs - United States

Today, I was using my new curling iron to curl my hair. I was sitting down. Suddenly I dropped the iron and, as a reflex, I caught it between my bare thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49758

You deserved it

6130

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on Craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45994

You deserved it

12085

Tweet

Share

By j_portal - United States - Carlstadt

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32777

You deserved it

5520

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Newton Center

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48466

You deserved it

6878

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Burbank

Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23277

You deserved it

2448

Tweet

Share

By mydadforgetsme - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23593

You deserved it

1447

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35789

You deserved it

10850

Tweet

Share

By thatguy - United States

Today, I bought a laptop so that I could have dirty video chats with my internet girlfriend. I got home only to find that the only place I can get a decent wifi signal is in front of my mom's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9548

You deserved it

24044

Tweet

Share

By UnicornWaffles - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11422

You deserved it

1016

Tweet

Share

By #MurrayShow

Today, my son was finally born. He was the perfect weight, as healthy as can be, and has his father’s dark, chocolate complexion. At least I’m guessing so, since both my wife and I are white. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9552

You deserved it

493

Tweet

Share

By OweLotsaMoney - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47520

You deserved it

12197

Tweet

Share

By inpuredeceit - United States

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my boss's office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40771

You deserved it

3104

Tweet

Share

By silencio - Canada - Ch?teauguay

Not a real doctor

Today, my mom watched a Dr. Phil episode. She's now hysterical because she assumes me and my friends are involved in sex parties. All because a man on the TV said so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29280

You deserved it

2375

Tweet

Share

By cat

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1455

You deserved it

109

Tweet

Share

By st00pid - Canada

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12563

You deserved it

44942

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15374

You deserved it

54681

Tweet

Share

By awkward - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71966

You deserved it

7228

Tweet

Share

By LY2

Keep it in the family

Today, I found out why my boyfriend won't come over anymore. He and my brother apparently had a "thing" before we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1801

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1823

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By you would - United States

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

I agree, your life sucks

140696

You deserved it

7624

Tweet

Share

By effedfosh - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66483

You deserved it

8803

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I walked out of my house wearing only boxers, only to be greeted by kids with paintball guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26908

You deserved it

15206

Tweet

Share

By OUCH. - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41485

You deserved it

3400

Tweet

Share

By Whoops - United States

Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31754

You deserved it

2010

Tweet

Share

By misty - 16/4/2021 05:00

Need help

Today, I have been crying uncontrollably for a week straight. Why? Someone posted a mean comment about me on the internet a week ago. No matter how much I try to think about something else, I can’t. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks

686

You deserved it

441

Tweet

Share

By Tom

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42170

You deserved it

3575

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23869

You deserved it

6934

Tweet

Share

By alone - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29675

You deserved it

21358

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By wombles | 7

#7528740 - Saturday 12 August 2017 2:23

At least you got a bear out of it.

COMMENTS

By wombles | 7

#7528740 - Saturday 12 August 2017 2:23

At least you got a bear out of it.