Miscellaneous: Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted... - FML

By kitty - 18/10/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 419

You deserved it 3 141

Late term

Walk the line

You tried

By jessel_ladd92 - 09/09/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 565

You deserved it 5 820

By Lex - 12/05/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 405

You deserved it 3 506

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 159

You deserved it 6 912

By bumpyroad - 17/04/2011 14:29 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 370

You deserved it 7 617

By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - 28/02/2014 20:01 - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 238

You deserved it 3 645

By kidyounot - 18/12/2012 00:29 - United States - Statesboro

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 507

You deserved it 4 183

By Lilly_28 - 11/08/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 893

You deserved it 18 395

By Big_gulps_huh - 28/11/2017 22:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized I am more confident running a million-dollar piece of construction equipment than I am around people of the opposite sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 537

You deserved it 428

By feeling fed up - 25/04/2017 17:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 737

You deserved it 565

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 674

You deserved it 6 379

By smarty - 16/10/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 588

You deserved it 50 150

By Anonymous - 16/01/2015 16:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 970

You deserved it 2 339

By Pierced - 30/05/2017 18:00

Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 033

You deserved it 412

By sorkin15 - 24/03/2016 21:06 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I went to Costco and the cashier asked me how I was doing so, to be nice, I asked her back. She said, "I'm fucking horrible, I'm working at Costco," nearly making me spit my drink out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 982

You deserved it 2 973

By anonymous - 08/12/2014 23:23 - United States - New Baltimore

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 974

You deserved it 2 753

By Anonymous - 19/06/2018 19:00

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 355

You deserved it 291

By ktm1313 - 26/01/2016 21:38 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I donated blood for the first time. It wasn't until I passed out on the ice during hockey practice that I remembered the nurse warning me not to do any type of exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 19 859

By lonelyashell - 02/03/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 844

You deserved it 5 145

By Jfly25 - 23/01/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 996

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 03/06/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 830

You deserved it 10 742

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 440

You deserved it 5 241

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 652

You deserved it 762

By yuck - 21/06/2009 04:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 111

You deserved it 12 395

By Mr. Shawzy - 14/01/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 378

You deserved it 9 154

No Ragrets

By surfergal91 - 14/02/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 625

You deserved it 4 134

By she won't see a therapist - 23/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 451

You deserved it 1 470

By TitMunch - 23/10/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 502

You deserved it 4 367

By Anonymous - 26/05/2009 09:18 - Greece

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 603

You deserved it 3 806

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 423

You deserved it 17 985

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 22:26 - United States - Irving

Today, my mother in law accidentally cc'd me on an email she was sending to my husband, telling him that his youth is fleeting and that he should leave me while he still has time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 929

You deserved it 2 388

By FoxyManicLiar - 27/09/2010 21:06 - France

Today, I got a bad cut on my dominant hand while at work. My boss decided to order me to juice lemons... all 300 of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 326

You deserved it 3 167

By itsme - 08/07/2019 04:00

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 22/09/2018 13:30

Today, I apparently had diarrhea in my sleep. I had to get up and sneak to the bathroom so as to not wake my husband. When he asked about the stain, I panicked and told him I started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 399

By NotALady - 15/12/2016 22:20

Today, I was at a gas station when I got a bad stomach ache. I clenched my cheeks together and rushed to the nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes and a clogged toilet later, I exited the one-person bathroom to a line of very angry women. I had run into the wrong restroom. One of them threw a tampon at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 343

You deserved it 1 614

By lameows - 04/04/2015 01:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 275

You deserved it 4 348

Scammers gonna scam

By CrystalsDontWork - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - El Paso

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer, as well as a soothsayer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 157

You deserved it 2 807

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 2 801

Toxic parents

By Anonymous - 30/07/2020 20:01

Today, my mom caught me vaping weed oil and tried to ground me. I’m 33 years old, with my own wife and kids, weed is legal in this state with a medical card, and I use it to treat the seizures I’ve had since mom belted me around the head as a kid, giving me brain damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 974

You deserved it 216

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 02:00

Today, one of my UNIVERSITY students submitted an incomplete assignment file to the online learning platform. I emailed him, "You will need to send me the correct file via email, as the system does not accept resubmissions." I literally got as a reply, "So, what do I need to do?" Online teaching is hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 169

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 61

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:05

Looks like your family doesn't give a shit.

perdix 29

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:13

Your brother's zit is probably going to be more productive than the waste of money your four years of drunken partying and anonymous sex will ever be.

Comments

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:05

Looks like your family doesn't give a shit.

Schizomaniac 24

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:13

I think you mean they don't give a "zit." Hahaha, I'm so fucking hilarious. I need a life.

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:15

( drum beat after jokes) lol.

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Monday 18 October 2010 11:08

Bad jokes hour? Eh.. You must be a.... zitzomaniac.

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Monday 18 October 2010 13:31

yeah that was funny! fuck that other guy.. I'll beat his Pansy ass

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Monday 18 October 2010 13:54

hey look it's Pedro again!

KingDingALing 9

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Monday 18 October 2010 14:56

I started laughing after I read the end of #6's comment.

Thunderbender 2

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 16:23

It's always about what you want isn't it Mokuba?

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Sunday 12 December 2010 5:41

FYL.

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:05

Well, you don't need to be the centre of attention all the time?

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Monday 18 October 2010 13:23

I know why op is going through. it's not to be the centre of attention infact when they do this to you you start to become less social than you get yelled at and punished for being so antisocial

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Monday 18 October 2010 14:28

Yeah I agree.. my sister talks about pointless things at her work all day then doesn't listen if anyone else talks, or brings it back to her work. I could imagine the OP being like this..

bv110 2

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:08

no but me personally i would be totally pissed off with my entire family if i was talking about my future and then suddenly my sisters like "do you know what we could do for my zit? i'd be all like "i know how to get rid of it!" and possibly remove my sisters zit...by beating the living crap out of her

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:07

lol, that's funny.

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:12

maybe its more attractive than you & needs to be discussed.

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Monday 18 October 2010 11:05

Zits are hot.

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Tuesday 27 March 2012 15:44

#5 is hotter.

perdix 29

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:13

Your brother's zit is probably going to be more productive than the waste of money your four years of drunken partying and anonymous sex will ever be.

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Monday 18 October 2010 10:07

It already produced a conversation!

SadinSherman 16

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 15:43

Bitter much?

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:18

Well, how many times have you talked about your college plans before? Because they might already have a good enough idea of what you want to do. However, your brothers zit is (probably) new and therefore more interesting. If not, just tell them the college plans they need to know about, it might have been you were just telling them things they thought were obvious or didn't concern them.

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Monday 18 October 2010 13:20

oohhh DAMN you uglyyy D:

bv110 2

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:10

or they didnt give a carp and should start before their kid starts to hate them for the rest of eternity!

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Monday 18 October 2010 15:35

They most certainly did not give a carp. More likely it was a large mouth bass, or possibly a slippery dick. Definitely the slippery dick.

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Monday 18 October 2010 18:20

Stinkyfeat - This isn't RateMyLook or any other beauty contest site, so I think you're in the wrong place. Next. Bv110 - I'm sure there'll have been signs before this is the OP's parents truely don't care about her. Though it is possible. DocBastard - So was that other FML yours? You seem to be a fan. :P However, it's also possible that Bv110 was talking about carpentry, which still doesn't make a whole lot of sense... :P

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Monday 18 October 2010 18:39

Cinn- nope, I can't claim credit for that. I just like saying "slippery dick." Call it the 12 year old in me rearing its ugly, immature, prepubescent head.

bv110 2

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Sunday 28 November 2010 18:54

ok wtf does carpentry have to do with this?

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Sunday 28 November 2010 18:57

You said carp and we were discussing the possibilities of what you really meant, ignoring the obvious typo. Basically, we were joking around.

nycy 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:20

Where is trolls for the lols? (I know that's not how his name is spelled my iPod corrected it and I don't feel like going back even though i felt like posting the rest of this)

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:22

Priorities OP. Your family has priorities!

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:23

Just go to ASU and party.

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Tuesday 27 March 2012 15:46

Fuck you. Go to university of Arizona ^.^

Matus 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 9:25

People get off topic all the time, it's human, we have short attention spans. Get over it and buy him some zit cream.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 81

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 87