Kids: Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my... - FML

By ScaryBears - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

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Understandable

Season finale

Lockdown is driving us down

By earlytermination - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

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By gaggin - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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By Anonymous

Our house, was a very very very nice house

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

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By Vgameboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

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By wtf did I do - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

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By I Know How to Pick'em - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By thetalkingvagina - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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By bm128902 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

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By brichard22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

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By dicksonthebrain - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I spent some of my pay on a birthday gift for my wife. She found out about the money going missing from our account, and now she thinks I'm having an affair. I work 24/7 and barely have time to see my friends, let alone have an affair. FML

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By Burned - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

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By Jason McGinnis - 22/9/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

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By XLhottie - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

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By fuck em all

Today, my entire family is giving me the cold shoulder, including my parents, for not going to my sister's wedding. No one seems to care her new husband bullied me so badly in high school that I still need medication for my anxiety 15 years after graduating. FML

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By Perry85

Once again

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

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By bill - United States

Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran for the first time in ages when I saw my bus coming. My loose shoe went flying into a shop doorway, and I tripped into the gutter. FML

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By LifeInShambles

Today, I decided to turn my life around by finding a job, going to a gym, and getting counselling. Counselling is £145 a month. A gym would be £50 a month minimum, and there's an 8-year gap in my resumé, and everyone says no one will hire me because of it. FML

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By Anonymous

Carded B.

Today, I ordered a beer with my parents at dinner. The waitress said, "Oh, happy 22nd birthday." My parents eyes got really big, and they started to blush. They'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

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By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Mystery

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

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By IntimidatorStag - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally knocked over a mall Santa on his way to meet some children. I've never had that many hate-filled eyes on me at once. FML

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By dadum - Australia

Creeped out

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

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By aloneinaz

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

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By Fillifilo - France

Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML

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By McChunky =( - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

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By fml - United States

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

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By MC - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

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By Star - United States

Today, the guy that I'm in love with and plan to marry some day told me he would choose a million dollars over me. I got upset and told him I no longer want to be with him. In an excited voice he said, "Really? So are you serious I don't have to worry about this love stuff anymore?" FML

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By Sean - United States

Today, we surprised my grandpa by being at his house when he arrived. We haven't seen him in seven years. He had a small heart attack. It was his birthday. FML

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By hopeless1 - United States

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

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By transcendingnerd - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

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By ELK

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

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By youmindyourownbusiness - United States - Genoa

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

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By Anonymous - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

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By sorrystupid - United States

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

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By PlzSendBlankets - United States

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

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Top comments

By kyleekay | 25

#5022169 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:54

Why would you continue with a gift idea when someone is telling you not to?

Granted, you could not have known the bear mauling bit. However, you seem like one of those annoying gift givers that buy things according to what YOU think a person should have.

By nothing92x | 13

#5022185 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

I'm guessing OP couldn't bear the thought of not making the Teddy for both of them.

COMMENTS

By Valefor197 | 5

#5022162 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sirsquab | 12

#5022205 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:59

She couldn't have known that he was mauled by a bear. However, she COULD have known that getting a build-a-bear for someone when you're specifically told NOT to, us in fact a bad idea.

Also, I'd also like to know who "she" is.

Reply

TahoeFMler | 22

#5023318 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 17:32

True, however, her daughter told her not to do it.

Reply

walmartpaysme | 15

#5023403 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 18:22

It seems you and OP have something in common, #1. Neither one of you paid any attention to what her daughter said.

Reply

lovelyheadache | 16

#5025218 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 6:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

walmartpaysme | 15

#5025281 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 7:17

100, if someone doesn't want something why would you spend money on them? You may as well flush a wad of cash down the toilet. When it comes to gifts the receiver always has a say no matter their relationship to the giver. OP's daughter said no. That should have been enough for OP.

Reply

Roevera | 14

#5029862 - Thursday 11 October 2012 6:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

subiedude08 | 17

#5563475 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:12

Wtf

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5829383 - Friday 17 January 2014 0:14

OP YDI for being stubborn

By Nekogami | 14

#5022163 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:52

Er. Who's "her" ? Lol

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5022194 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:57

I was wondering that as well! Hopefully the mods fix it soon.

Sirin, where art thou?!

Reply

herpderpherpderp | 13

#5022218 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 9:00

probably referring to OP's best friend or enemy, because OP knew about thing wit her enemy's boyfriend!
but 'her' is probably a close friend.

By kyleekay | 25

#5022169 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:54

Why would you continue with a gift idea when someone is telling you not to?

Granted, you could not have known the bear mauling bit. However, you seem like one of those annoying gift givers that buy things according to what YOU think a person should have.

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5023396 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 18:14

This guy would be terrified of Ted.

Reply

SMD_emilyy | 1

#5025201 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 6:23

That still seems like a really bizarre gift to give her "new" bf. ydi

By sierra142 | 19

#5022173 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:55

When specifically told not to do something, why go ahead and do it? I really struggled to make sense of this FML.

Reply

foshizzle82 | 7

#5022201 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:58

Same here. Don't know how it got past the moderators.

By ninjadinos | 14

#5022179 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

...this makes little sense.

By nancyschmancy | 9

#5022181 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

This is a very weak FML

By inky_bb | 1

#5022183 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

Are we meant to know who 'her' is?!

By nothing92x | 13

#5022185 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

I'm guessing OP couldn't bear the thought of not making the Teddy for both of them.

Reply

Lalo16 | 6

#5025389 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 8:44

Sorry but I couldn't help but notice Dudley as your profile pic. He was always my favorite character from SF 3rd Strike :3

By chels2AM1R | 9

#5022196 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:58

Am I the only one confused by this FML?

By sofiq | 3

#5022198 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:58

Who?? What? I am so confused! I read this like 3 times and still didn't make any sense! =O