Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my... - FML

By ScaryBears - 9/10/2012 01:51 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

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No one likes a smart-ass

Caught red-handed

Great boyfriend

By wormiformed - 3/10/2015 04:14 - New Zealand

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

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By needfulthing - 19/11/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a text to a guy I'd met over the weekend. He'd traveled 40 miles to my town for the date, so I picked up the tab for dinner. My text simply said, "Had a nice time. Looking forward to getting together again." His reply was, "When did you get so needy?" FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

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By Noname - 19/1/2009 23:12 - Australia

Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra Oh. FML

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By me - 22/1/2013 18:49 - United States - Peabody

Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML

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By gimp. - 8/5/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

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By stuff2710 - 5/3/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

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By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

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By Poor Student - 5/12/2011 22:30 - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

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By geli - 9/8/2016 00:12

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

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By luvs2spooge89 - 1/5/2013 14:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 10:44 - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

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By parched - 2/11/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML

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By frankie - 19/1/2009 01:01 - Canada

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2012 04:49 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

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By BERNDTOAST - 27/3/2015 15:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

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By Kat - 8/11/2008 07:51 - France

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

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By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - 26/4/2014 19:55 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2016 02:45 - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 20:00

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

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By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

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By anonymous - 13/7/2015 09:45 - China - Shanghai

Today, I was yelled at by a bunch of angry people because I couldn't physically move out of the way while 10 more tried to force their way onto a subway in Shanghai. Then one old lady started hitting me with her purse to get me to move even more. FML

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By aabadaba - 1/4/2013 05:23 - United States - La Mirada

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

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By frogface_fml - 20/5/2020 05:00

Family ain't all it's cracked up to be

Today, I talked to my birth mother for the first time in over 26 years. Five minutes into our conversation, I remembered why I stayed away. FML

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By only my life - 22/4/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

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By Anonymous - 26/2/2014 21:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

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By handi-crap - 5/1/2010 17:28 - United States

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

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By roofer - 31/7/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 02:00

Alexa, play "Confusion" by New Order

Today, I found out my husband has been telling everyone he doesn't want a baby. He has been telling me he does. We have been trying for months. I'm now pregnant and confused. FML

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By Veryfunny - 23/2/2012 23:52 - Australia

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

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By Sheepiebeepie - 11/8/2017 04:30

NEVER JOKE ABOUT FLUFFY

Today, at the end of a 15 hour shift, my girlfriend and her friends played a "prank" on me by texting me from a random number saying my cat got hit by a car. I immediately burst into tears and lost it in front of my colleagues. My cat is fine. My relationship is the real joke. FML

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By WesJaz - 8/1/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

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By He Hates Me... - 21/10/2015 00:15 - United States - Ogden

Today, I'm in my third week at a new job. Using an online service our company recommends, I accidentally downloaded a virus that is now working its way through our website, randomly sending our customers Viagra ads via our email. I personally had to tell the founder of the company. FML

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By - 17/1/2020 18:00

Everything is clean

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

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By turnoff - 17/9/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my husband up in the middle of the night by kissing him deeply and massaging his neck and shoulders. He opens his eyes, looks at me, says "No", and goes back to sleep. FML

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By WetPhone - 15/6/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

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By Blackfell - 7/8/2012 17:59 - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

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By garfwebba - 3/1/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

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Top comments

By kyleekay | 25

#5022169 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:54

Why would you continue with a gift idea when someone is telling you not to?

Granted, you could not have known the bear mauling bit. However, you seem like one of those annoying gift givers that buy things according to what YOU think a person should have.

By nothing92x | 13

#5022185 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

I'm guessing OP couldn't bear the thought of not making the Teddy for both of them.

Comments

By Valefor197 | 5

#5022162 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:52

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sirsquab | 12

#5022205 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:59

She couldn't have known that he was mauled by a bear. However, she COULD have known that getting a build-a-bear for someone when you're specifically told NOT to, us in fact a bad idea.

Also, I'd also like to know who "she" is.

Reply

TahoeFMler | 22

#5023318 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 17:32

True, however, her daughter told her not to do it.

Reply

walmartpaysme | 15

#5023403 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 18:22

It seems you and OP have something in common, #1. Neither one of you paid any attention to what her daughter said.

Reply

lovelyheadache | 16

#5025218 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 6:36

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

walmartpaysme | 15

#5025281 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 7:17

100, if someone doesn't want something why would you spend money on them? You may as well flush a wad of cash down the toilet. When it comes to gifts the receiver always has a say no matter their relationship to the giver. OP's daughter said no. That should have been enough for OP.

Reply

Roevera | 14

#5029862 - Thursday 11 October 2012 6:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

subiedude08 | 17

#5563475 - Wednesday 3 July 2013 9:12

Wtf

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5829383 - Friday 17 January 2014 0:14

OP YDI for being stubborn

By Nekogami | 14

#5022163 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:52

Er. Who's "her" ? Lol

Reply

kyleekay | 25

#5022194 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:57

I was wondering that as well! Hopefully the mods fix it soon.

Sirin, where art thou?!

Reply

herpderpherpderp | 13

#5022218 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 9:00

probably referring to OP's best friend or enemy, because OP knew about thing wit her enemy's boyfriend!
but 'her' is probably a close friend.

By kyleekay | 25

#5022169 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:54

Why would you continue with a gift idea when someone is telling you not to?

Granted, you could not have known the bear mauling bit. However, you seem like one of those annoying gift givers that buy things according to what YOU think a person should have.

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#5023396 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 18:14

This guy would be terrified of Ted.

Reply

SMD_emilyy | 1

#5025201 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 6:23

That still seems like a really bizarre gift to give her "new" bf. ydi

By sierra142 | 19

#5022173 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:55

When specifically told not to do something, why go ahead and do it? I really struggled to make sense of this FML.

Reply

foshizzle82 | 7

#5022201 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:58

Same here. Don't know how it got past the moderators.

By ninjadinos | 14

#5022179 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

...this makes little sense.

By nancyschmancy | 9

#5022181 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

This is a very weak FML

By inky_bb | 1

#5022183 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

Are we meant to know who 'her' is?!

By nothing92x | 13

#5022185 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:56

I'm guessing OP couldn't bear the thought of not making the Teddy for both of them.

Reply

Lalo16 | 6

#5025389 - Wednesday 10 October 2012 8:44

Sorry but I couldn't help but notice Dudley as your profile pic. He was always my favorite character from SF 3rd Strike :3

By chels2AM1R | 9

#5022196 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:58

Am I the only one confused by this FML?

By sofiq | 3

#5022198 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 8:58

Who?? What? I am so confused! I read this like 3 times and still didn't make any sense! =O