Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML
Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML
Today, I got married and I'd invited everyone from work including my boss. His way of congratulating me was to mention that I'm out of a job. He said it was a good time to do it because he thought I would be too happy or too drunk to care. FML
Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML
Today, I overheard someone at the mall telling his friend, "So I'm going in for a brain scan." Trying to be funny, I piped up, "Better hope they find something!" Turns out that had been the end of his sentence, and the scan is to see if his cancer has spread. FML
Today, my boss came into the office asked how I was doing and seemed totally normal and happy, then said, "I have to let you go. I heard some bad things about you." He wouldn't tell me what he heard, or from whom. FML
Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML
Today, I had no choice but to bring my son to work as a med school professor. I sat him in a chair in a corner while I gave a lecture. To my surprise, he added another word to his limited vocabulary, and screamed it out loud with an ecstatic expression on his face. The word is "cancer". FML
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Top comments
clueless05 12
How could you not know that a positive result to a cancer test is bad?
CeCe184 17
F*** your life? F*** his life, now he sadly has cancer.
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Comments (193)
jjacci 12
Yeah...you deserved that. I can't imagine he said that with a smile on his face, either.
yoloswagg54 9
You are literally too stupid to insult.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Your username says the same thing about you, #27.
yoloswagg54 9
Did you not read my profile? I'm making fun of yolo and swag.
gracehi 33
27, Thank you.
erinchick1 7
WTF?? How did you NOT know that??!!
monagro 22
A positive test means the outcome is "yes". As it was a test for cancer, that means you want a negative outcome.
perdix 31
I see everyone here is beating up the OP for being ignorant, but let's face it: that terminology is counter-intuitive. In most things, positive is good, negative is bad. Why are we all so high and mighty that the poor bastard wasn't aware of the one context where that is flipped on its head? If he went on to ask him if he can bang his wife after he dies, THAT would be ****** up!
SinghIt 1
Because clearly the 'poor guy' wasn't thinking about what his boss was telling him and just said the first thing to come to mind when he heard the words positive results
devore504 7
positive means you have it so baby good cancer not good. the op,his parents and any teacher he ever had should be stoned.
llama612 27
Because it's very common knowledge that a positive test result means you have whatever you got tested for. OP ****** up badddddddddd
perdix 31
You all have a very elitist attitude. Some people don't have access to health care, while others are lucky enough to not being exposed to disease very much in their lives, so it's no surprise that they are unaware of the opposite meanings of "positive" and "negative" in this unique context.
llama612 27
Honestly it's got nothing to do with access to healthcare or not being exposed to diseases, it is very very common knowledge what positive means in medical stuff. Not to mention all the medical dramas and shit on T.V. The only time you should get confused bout the meaning of positive when it comes to medical stuff is if your a child or have lived isolated from humanity since you were like 6
sereyna 1
Agree
nancyschmancy 9
I agree with you Perdix. Some of these people on here are not being fair. Op could be 16 years old, never exposed to medical terminology. Just because you know something doesn't mean everyone knows it and doesn't mean op is stupid or short sighted. Lighten up people!
DinoChicken 3
LOL I can just picture the look on your bosses face when you said you wanted to celebrate!
gracehi 33
You, sir, made me lol.
Ms_ValS 27
He has cancer. You're ignorant. I say FHL.
GothicAngel17 24
I refuse to believe that a human being can actually be this stupid. WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB?!
SinghIt 1
You idiot. Did you not think before you spoke??
sdotimas 1
Wow..dumbass...