Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML
Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML
Today, my sexist, misogynistic boss showed me a new program we all have to use. After several minutes of him explaining it badly and belittling me for doing it wrong, I opened a sub-folder that showed that I CREATED THE PROGRAM. He walked away, then later wrote me up for "having a bad attitude." FML
Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML
Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML
Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML
Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML
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Top comments
TheArchAngel 8
He's no pimp without the slap.
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Does he pimp slap you too?
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Comments (229)
itsalanis 25
You should suggest another movie that he might like, and maybe blow this whole phase over.
Mister_Triangle 21
"Check out this movie, Gladiator" *he comes in the next day wearing a loin cloth and sandals*
darwinismisalive 3
Hustle and flow
djxerxes9000 18
At the end of the day he would throw something out of the office and yell "Are you not entertained!?!"
BrimfullOfAsher 20
Record it and play it to his wife.
GoWithTheFro 10
He sounds like such a wonderful guy
Meowingtons500 18
He loves it when they call him big papa. ;D
MP78_fml 7
Throw your hands in the air, if you're a true player!
BandWagonGuy 8
Biggie biggie biggie can't you see...
Meowingtons500 18
*Throws hands in air* Sometimes yo words just hypnotize me.
gabe222 25
"and I just love your flashy ways, guess that's why I'm broke and you're so paid."
PlaidPanda 9
How ya livin biggie smalls? ... Time to blare some MSI at 3am thanks to fml.
PlaidPanda 9
Just realized this is an actually biggie smalls song, haha. Eh, still going with the mindless self indulgence.
yaniggamatt 3
Talk to his bottom bitch. Do you know what I am saying?
Meowingtons500 18
No, I don't. Care to enlighten me and the rest of the FML community?
Anai08 17
I think this comment refers to the South Park episode "Butter's Bottom Bitch". Which was an episode about the character Butters inadvertently becoming a pimp. He says that line in the episode. Read the comment in Butters' voice like I did, and it's hilarious! XD
Myo_fml 20
Yes, I believe I know what you are saying.
gingerfly91 1
Yes. Yes, I know what you are saying. You don't have to keep asking me that.
emeraldisle 30
Is his name John?
lizzlegirl 9
Aww dont worry OP. he probably is just sawdy he has no lurve.
lizzlegirl 9
On a serious note, like every obsession, he'll soon give it a rest.
ChickInGreenVans 12
Well he is your boss (pimp in a sense of the word) and you are his employees so in a way you are his b*#ches!! But on a serious not though his sarcasm is just distasteful!!
unknown_user5566 27
I wonder if he'll still feel like a pimp when all his "bitches" sue him, and end up with every dime he's ever owned.
smokeloverrr 2
Why don't ya sue his ass and see who owns who. Then you can see who's really whos pimp then.