By JustplainSad - 15/8/2020 23:01

People are strange

Today, I found out my friend of 15 years, who cut off our weekly gaming group during Covid after a fight, is speaking to everyone but me. I wasn't even in the fight, I just checked in to see if he was OK after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1345

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You snooze, you lose

This ain't working out

Great speech, thanks!

By Lovergirl - 1/1/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31530

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By NooOOooOO - 11/10/2017 23:15

Today, I learned how artistically talented my daughter is. Unfortunately, her favorite medium to work in is poo. FML

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2931

You deserved it

280

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

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27335

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By random - 15/6/2011 14:23 - Canada

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

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33356

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By HSPARKS - 12/5/2020 05:00

Big baby man

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

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1494

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By gordogs 25 - 4/4/2012 10:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Leave Me Alone

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

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37954

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2016 23:26 - United States

Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22314

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By Sad ex-wife - 21/9/2012 15:11 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, while at work, I helped my ex-husband pick out a ring for the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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35868

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2015 14:12 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2015 21:54 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML

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28183

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By Lonely - 17/6/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, I was so lonely that I left the TV on for company. The power went out. FML

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36545

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By Ashley Marshburn - 17/10/2010 13:55 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked into my home office and said F*** you! Then she ran to my husband and said "Did I say it right?" FML

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40846

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By Gayeveryday - 15/4/2012 04:12 - Canada - Truro

Today, I came out to my parents. They still think I'm joking. FML

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32361

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By Sully - 7/2/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

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11637

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By oofouchmyvagooter - 6/10/2019 16:00

The Rupture

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

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2243

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By FingerBang - 21/10/2009 06:32 - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

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13026

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By EnglishLearner - 9/11/2012 16:23 - Switzerland - Mannedorf

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

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By shroooms - 28/7/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

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36600

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By daddoesn'tknowbest - 13/10/2011 12:24 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

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40135

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By Forgetful godmother - 14/3/2019 16:00

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2071

You deserved it

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By BadKitty42 - 14/12/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, it was my last day at work. I was offered a better job and accepted. Not wanting to leave my present boss hanging, I asked for time to give notice. While I trained my replacement, the owner at the new job had time to think about how slow the season is, and he decided not to fill the position. FML

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30322

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2013 16:16 - United States - Spring Hope

Today, I am sitting next to a guy who very clearly has lice crawling on his head. It's a six hour flight. FML

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49084

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By pizzachest - 19/8/2011 13:11 - Canada

Today, I discovered that I won't be able to wear the dress with a low neck line that I bought for my cousin's wedding, because my older brother thought it would be funny to mix a scented body-wash that he knows makes my skin break out in hives, with my regular one. My chest looks like a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31248

You deserved it

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By pogodrake - 24/1/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30601

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By Noname - 8/3/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

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By butterflyzag20 - 28/2/2013 03:28 - United States

Today, I realized that the only positive accomplishment my boyfriend has made in the last 3 years is that he started wearing deodorant. FML

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28869

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By kaipodable - 22/12/2011 01:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I can no longer sleep over at his house because his cat doesn't like it. FML

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33041

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By Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends - 12/1/2013 01:11 - United States

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

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By Katy - 18/12/2018 14:00

Today, I fell in a vent in our floor while decorating our Christmas tree. My husband removed the grates months ago to increase airflow. I fell in past my knee and he had to pull me out by the arms. It's been four days and I can still barely walk. My office is on a second floor... We don't have an elevator. FML

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2289

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Carolina R-h - 20/6/2019 04:45

Today, after driving 900 miles, the tongue on my trailer broke ten miles away from home. I was stuck on the side of the road for 3 hours. FML

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1615

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By hatedatwork - 2/9/2019 13:00 - United States - Shreveport

Thanks mom!

Today, my CEO called and spoke to me like I'm a child. Apparently, she has a surprise for me, "but only if I clean up my office first." She hasn't been to my office in months because she works in another state. Turns out, someone texted her a picture of my messy office. FML

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802

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By Tag - 7/9/2015 00:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML

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By nick - 24/7/2012 00:52 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

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By snowbell18 - 25/9/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, I had to pay my manager $10 just to take my stalker's order so I didn't have to. FML

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23834

You deserved it

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By agnosticstudy - 14/1/2009 16:03 - United States

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

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12247

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By anonymous - 29/3/2016 22:50 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 02:08 - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

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12877

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 18:43 - United States

Today, the guardian angel charm my grandma gave to me for "safe driving" fell off my sun visor while I was driving. This scared me enough to cause me to swerve into another moving car. So much for safe driving. FML

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Top comments

By Mathalamus | 24

#7931354 - Sunday 16 August 2020 1:10

Yeah that happens sometimes. Might as well move on.

By lifeis4me | 20

#7931599 - Sunday 16 August 2020 23:39

If they can treat you like that after 15 years, good riddance. That wasn’t a friend. Even on your “worst” days, you shouldn’t treat people like that

COMMENTS

By Mathalamus | 24

#7931354 - Sunday 16 August 2020 1:10

Yeah that happens sometimes. Might as well move on.

By lifeis4me | 20

#7931599 - Sunday 16 August 2020 23:39

If they can treat you like that after 15 years, good riddance. That wasn’t a friend. Even on your “worst” days, you shouldn’t treat people like that