Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML
Today, I thought it would be nice to take my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for my birthday. She got a little headache after we ordered, so she went outside to get some air. I ate a $100 meal and had Happy Birthday sang to me by the restaurant staff. Alone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
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Top comments
andyourpointis 0
That's unfortunate. Allegedly, birthday sex involves the person whose birthday it is...
thinmint 0
Hey she had to make some cash to pay for your dinner. Be more appreciative.
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Comments (59)
Shelbylou 2
that's well bad. Well bad birthday dinner :/
darrenm813 0
shit, and i thought i had relationship problems. FYL i hope you dumped her ass in the most cold heart way possible, dont hold back
monster_tamer 11
Wow is right. 0.0'
queenconeja 0
im sensing a lesbo lol #22 that is the first time ive ever heard of the phrase 'winnie the pooh style' oddly enough..that explains a few things lol.
davids123 0
lol why is every 1 asking if its a guy are a girl who she ******? she just ****** some 1 on his bday who givs a shit if its a guy or girl o_0 loool
COBRAMORPH 0
#34, if she cheats with a dude, she is a lying cheating *****. If its a chick, its hot, & obviously, they just started the 3-some early without him, so that every thing is perfect for when he joins in. Because, you know, the world was created for men, by a male god, & god only made women so that men would not be lonely & turn gay. Women are just like animals or a tool that for some reason are allowed to talk back.
snoosnoo 1
Something tells me you're one of those guys who still lives with his parents at the age of 38 and is a permanent virgin. Can't imagine which girl will go for someone who actually agrees with that pile of shit you just spewed out. Either that or GTFO troll.
WeAllHaveFmls 0
Wow Cobramorph your a big ass go **** yourselff
OMGitsME432 1
Sexist prick. You have no room to speak.
anonymous112295 0
#35; wow. your a dousche bag! i am VERY offended. your never gonna get a girl if you think that.
ohheykiwi 2
Goddamn, people, learn to read sarcasm ~_~"
schalk 12
Sarcasm only works when your tone of voice and facial expression can be heard & seen. So... the joke failed miserably.
Spac3Ghost 0
t all the people who said that this man deserved it, i hope you all have terrible relationships that never work out and i hope you all get shot when you're running after the one you love!! grrrrrr... fyl man, my sympathies...
smart_chick390 0
Yo, Cobramorph? wtf is your issue? You have serious problems dude. First of all, God is a being, not male, not female. also, women are not some tool for your freaking pleasure. We need to be respected. Just because some girls are ***** and are horrible people, doesn't make us all that way. So yeah, your love life will simply be this: a ton a ***** who will never leave you happy, while you'll be all lonely and have no one to really connect with. Get a life dude. seriously. go to church, cause you might learn something about life, love, and God.
FUrlife95 0
I'm pretty sure he was using sarcasm there...
alissa_roar 6
Agreed.
angel1024 0
#35, your extremely sexist, aren't you...?
kiki_72 0
what a *****! sorry dude.