Animals: Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time... - FML

By spenmy - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

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Out of it

Simps gonna simp

Childlike

By wow - United States

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

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By Tiffosaur - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 23:01

XXL

Today, after losing 20 pounds, I decided to purchase new clothes. All of the clothes at the store were still too small for me. FML

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By grossedout - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

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By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - United States - Phoenixville

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

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By Username

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

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By swedishdude - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

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By Sinnersinner - United States - Ontario

Power in Christ

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

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By joarasmi

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2021 14:02

Flattery will get you nowhere

Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML

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By shibs - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

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By noO - United States - Greenwood

Whisky dickhead

Today, for the seventh weekend in a row, I left my weekly visit with my long-distance boyfriend unsatisfied. Seems he enjoys getting shit-faced drunk more than he enjoys getting a boner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML

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By brokeaf - United States

Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

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By seriouslybored - United States

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

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By JD. - 31/1/2021 23:01

Trashy

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

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By nolove4me - United States

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By therapygal

Today, my girlfriend got very mad at me after finding several appointments with "Amanda" in my calendar. Amanda is my psychiatrist. FML

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By ewwww - United States

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

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By mus

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

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By Vlad

Today, we found out that the drinks we've had for our Christmas party at work yesterday were expired. For anything between six and eleven months. All of us drank them. FML

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By ooops - United States

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

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By gonavybeatarmy - United States - San Diego

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

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By single and unbuggered - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He didn't break down into tears, or say he'd made a huge mistake, or even apologise. No, he just looked up and said "Bugger." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2020 17:00 - Germany - Bayreuth

Amazon Prime

Today, I ordered an iPad to replace a broken tablet in a haste. I managed to order one of the only ones that doesn't support an Apple pencil. This is exactly the only feature I SERIOUSLY need. Can one be more stupid? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

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By Rash - United States

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

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By Nikki

My package

Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML

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By wtf dad - United States

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

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By kevdev - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

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By AstralLuna - 5/3/2021 08:01 - United States - Sacramento

Keep up!

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

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By Tiff676 - Canada

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

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By Late marriage - Australia

Today, my husband was 45 minutes late to our wedding reception. Later, when I asked him why, he said, "I was playing Legend of Zelda and had to finish my quest." He thinks this is an eligible excuse. FML

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By .............. - Germany - Wadgassen

Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise alright. The picture he set as my avatar was one of me stark naked, which I sent to my ex shortly before he dumped me. FML

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Top comments

By Djosef_fml | 0

#1108934 - Monday 19 July 2010 11:28

Sorry OP. We bought a car and the previous owner smoked in it. It was barely noticable, and after a couple of months it didn't smell at all anymore. Untill Fall came and we turned the heat on. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

It's been YEARS and the smell of deathsticks comes back when we turn the heat on.

By Aero_boy | 4

#1030080 - Monday 14 June 2010 7:19

More like Deadmau5.

COMMENTS

By chris_42 | 11

#1029402 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:06

ouch fyl

Reply

unmadebed | 0

#1029404 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:07

sounds pretty gross.

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1029415 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:12

gross! time to get fresheners and open the windows...let's hope it doesn't rain now

Reply

jrkarikas | 0

#1029433 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:16

oh that happened to us! a humming bird flew into an industrial fan. it was like a juicer.

Reply

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1029441 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:19

Smoke some weed in your car.

Reply

Claay_aiir | 0

#1029452 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:23

yummmy?
actually that sucks big time </3

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1029454 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:27

call the cartalk guys

Reply

spermdump | 0

#1029458 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:30

find it and eat it. roadkill ftw.

Reply

Eamon128 | 1

#1029467 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:40

hhahaha #16 hell yeah

Reply

jizwiz | 3

#1029468 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:45

Having some nice hott sex in the car should fix the smell. Then cover it up with axe :)

Reply

mnemonicdaze | 0

#1029479 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:58

You can't cover funk with perfume. The car will just smell like someone tried to cover up the smell of sex and death with man spray.

Reply

MrCalves | 1

#1029484 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:06

it could be worse. a girl could cut off your penis as you sleep and throw it out the window of a moving car

Reply

jade567 | 0

#1029748 - Sunday 13 June 2010 22:21

bahahaha. I thought OP said moose... not mouse. xD I'm stupid. :)

Reply

teresa_009 | 0

#1029815 - Monday 14 June 2010 0:54

34 what the hell?

op, light a match.

Reply

chris_42 | 11

#1029865 - Monday 14 June 2010 2:23

wtf 34?

Reply

hungryboy | 0

#1029880 - Monday 14 June 2010 2:50

haha

Reply

Lexiegirlxx | 4

#1029893 - Monday 14 June 2010 3:09

ewwww ew ew ew buy a cat and make it fetch =p

Reply

Puddings | 3

#1029973 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:57

the smell of death aha how dramatic

Reply

rawritsmary | 0

#1030037 - Monday 14 June 2010 6:25

nastyyyyy. D:

Reply

Aero_boy | 4

#1030079 - Monday 14 June 2010 7:17

Make a girl give birth in your car then, now you have the smell of Birth :) and placenta

Reply

GinandJenkem | 0

#1030107 - Monday 14 June 2010 8:53

16 is a loser.

Reply

cmac86 | 23

#1030131 - Monday 14 June 2010 10:33

I agree with 20. click and clack would love to hear this story. not sure of what kind of advice they'd give you, but it's a chance to end ip on national radio!

Reply

azim2424 | 0

#1034124 - Thursday 17 June 2010 22:41

22 yr hair is like AWESOMEEEE!!!!!!

Reply

bene201 | 0

#1840757 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:52

96 yr grammar like sucks

By yagurlteeteexoxo | 0

#1029403 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:07

nastyyyyyyyy

Reply

MaxSnacks | 0

#1030027 - Monday 14 June 2010 6:17

Last time I checked, it was summer? Unless Colorado is receiving a cold front?

Reply

xgetxbentx | 13

#1030155 - Monday 14 June 2010 12:18

75 - which would be why she said it was strange for this time of year....read dude.

Reply

FyourLIFEdotCOM8 | 0

#1030658 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:24

not every place gets hot and sunny summers. in Washington it rains 300 days of the year. I had my heater on today cuz it was 60 degrees and raining.

By ohdearkristen | 0

#1029408 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:10

Ew.
use garlic, and fthemousesl.
dude wtf is antiflood protection?

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029418 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:12

it's so you can't post like a million comments in a row!
it seriously sucks...

Reply

ohdearkristen | 0

#1029431 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:15

ohh.. well that was a problem, but I had to wait like 5 minutes just to post a comment on this fml. That suckkkssss

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029436 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:17

it really is annoying... isn't it?

Reply

phreshboi | 1

#1029472 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:48

how do u know it's a guy?

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1030239 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

It should take less than two minutes. Next time, try waiting before you resubmit it.

By Samantha_baby | 0

#1029413 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:11

nasty...

Reply

amandalovee | 0

#1029499 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:27

my word exactly.... fyl

Reply

brannyh | 0

#1652223 - Friday 5 November 2010 3:31

Ahhhh the sweet smell of death....

By CallMeHush | 0

#1029416 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:12

Why didn't the A/C keep him from nesting, same motor and box, just a different core? Just wondering.

Reply

kaileebug | 0

#1029554 - Sunday 13 June 2010 19:05

I'm not sure how it happens but this same thing happened to my grandpa.

By jefola | 0

#1029424 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:13

Now THAT stinks! Good luck with that.... Febreeze won't even touch that smell!

By master_wOOt | 0

#1029426 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:13

GHOST MOUSE 0_0

Reply

Aero_boy | 4

#1030080 - Monday 14 June 2010 7:19

More like Deadmau5.

By lovesamystery | 0

#1029440 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:18

bring it in to were you got the car and tell them this isn't that much of an Fml.

By sexysue | 0

#1029448 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:21

get rid of the car!! u will never remove the death smell.

Reply

jizwiz | 3

#1029470 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:47

18- I dont think that pick is legit. Nice ass btw though

By christa953 | 12

#1029457 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:29

ydi for using he heater

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029461 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:31

op lives in Colorado...

Reply

jizwiz | 3

#1029474 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:49

u got a prob w/ people from colorado?

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029489 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:12

no I'm just saying that's the reason he's using a heater?

Reply

PinkRoseLove | 0

#1029490 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:14

It's raining like Seattle here right now and cold so a heater is def. appropriate