Animals: Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time... - FML

By spenmy - United States

Today, it was a little colder than it should be for this time of year, and as a result I was using the heater in my car. Apparently within the last four months, a mouse managed to make his way into my heater vent and die. I can not get the smell of death out of my car. FML

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Bad boys, bad boys…

Generosity

Optimism

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

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By clitty clitty bang bang - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

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By Broly171 - United States

Today, I lent my parents a copy of "The Dark Knight", saying it was one of my favorite movies so they needed to watch it. A bit later my mom called... Apparently my roommate wanted to watch it as well, but couldn't find the case to his porno and decided to just use the Batman case instead. FML

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By Joboi23

Today, I matched with a woman on Tinder with whom I'd already talked on another dating app. The conversation had died out pretty quickly, so I was surprised she gave me a second chance. Her first message was to tell me how boring I was on the other app. FML

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By embarrassment - Canada

Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML

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By John - United States

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

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By ZINGER - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I left my headlights on last night. I found out by the headlights of my car smashed and a post-it note on my windshield saying "you accidentally left your headlights on... I took care of that for you". FML

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By CutestBoysEver - United States - Fruita

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

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By L

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML

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By Anonymous - France - Beausoleil

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

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By thatfatkid - United States

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

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By eeeee - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

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By damaged - United States - La Verne

Today, I drove in heavy rain for the first time, by myself. I had been told to drive below the speed limit, and be extra careful of the cars around me. Nobody had told me about thunder scaring a cow that would then escape from the corral and hit my car. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carlisle

Today, I came home early from work and found my brother in my bed with a girl I've never met. Apparently he's been using my house to hook up with girls while I'm gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Bugging out

Today, I'm allergic to not only bug spray, but also mosquitos. I'm staying at a bug-infested lake for 5 days. FML

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By Anonymous

Spooky season has begun

Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML

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By sadgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

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By BackToRehab - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

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By Anonymous

Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy

Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eagle River

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents woke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

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By Small_Fry_Hero - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Half way through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

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By owwie - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

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By phatkroger10 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

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By lolu - United States

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

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By Alan - Germany

Today, I agreed to stay a week with my wife's parents, who she told me were traditional Japanese. I was prepared for having to wear Japanese clothes while in the house, but I wasn't prepared for communal bathing in the same huge bath with her father, grandfather, uncle and two brothers. FML

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By handyman13 - United States

Today, I found out that I have a warrant for my arrest, because I was fishing without a fishing license. FML

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By mcadabax - Canada

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that one of my subordinates, who is whiny, incompetent, undermining, the definition of passive-aggressive and stupid, was given a pay raise. She now makes more than me. My boss values a complete moron over me. FML

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By Torvaltz - United States - Clinton

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

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By almyric

Headshot!

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a foot massage. I learned that his feet are ticklish when he kicked me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a homeless man asked me for money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on my head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

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By Marty - United States

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

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By Popscene - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

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Top comments

By Djosef_fml | 0

#1108934 - Monday 19 July 2010 11:28

Sorry OP. We bought a car and the previous owner smoked in it. It was barely noticable, and after a couple of months it didn't smell at all anymore. Untill Fall came and we turned the heat on. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

It's been YEARS and the smell of deathsticks comes back when we turn the heat on.

By Aero_boy | 4

#1030080 - Monday 14 June 2010 7:19

More like Deadmau5.

COMMENTS

By chris_42 | 11

#1029402 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:06

ouch fyl

Reply

unmadebed | 0

#1029404 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:07

sounds pretty gross.

Reply

katTKD | 0

#1029415 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:12

gross! time to get fresheners and open the windows...let's hope it doesn't rain now

Reply

jrkarikas | 0

#1029433 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:16

oh that happened to us! a humming bird flew into an industrial fan. it was like a juicer.

Reply

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1029441 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:19

Smoke some weed in your car.

Reply

#1029452 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:23

yummmy?
actually that sucks big time

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1029454 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:27

call the cartalk guys

Reply

spermdump | 0

#1029458 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:30

find it and eat it. roadkill ftw.

Reply

Eamon128 | 1

#1029467 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:40

hhahaha #16 hell yeah

Reply

jizwiz | 3

#1029468 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:45

Having some nice hott sex in the car should fix the smell. Then cover it up with axe :)

Reply

mnemonicdaze | 0

#1029479 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:58

You can't cover funk with perfume. The car will just smell like someone tried to cover up the smell of sex and death with man spray.

Reply

MrCalves | 1

#1029484 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:06

it could be worse. a girl could cut off your penis as you sleep and throw it out the window of a moving car

Reply

jade567 | 0

#1029748 - Sunday 13 June 2010 22:21

bahahaha. I thought OP said moose... not mouse. xD I'm stupid. :)

Reply

teresa_009 | 0

#1029815 - Monday 14 June 2010 0:54

34 what the hell?

op, light a match.

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chris_42 | 11

#1029865 - Monday 14 June 2010 2:23

wtf 34?

Reply

hungryboy | 0

#1029880 - Monday 14 June 2010 2:50

haha

Reply

Lexiegirlxx | 4

#1029893 - Monday 14 June 2010 3:09

ewwww ew ew ew buy a cat and make it fetch =p

Reply

Puddings | 3

#1029973 - Monday 14 June 2010 4:57

the smell of death aha how dramatic

Reply

rawritsmary | 0

#1030037 - Monday 14 June 2010 6:25

nastyyyyy. D:

Reply

Aero_boy | 4

#1030079 - Monday 14 June 2010 7:17

Make a girl give birth in your car then, now you have the smell of Birth :) and placenta

Reply

GinandJenkem | 0

#1030107 - Monday 14 June 2010 8:53

16 is a loser.

Reply

cmac86 | 23

#1030131 - Monday 14 June 2010 10:33

I agree with 20. click and clack would love to hear this story. not sure of what kind of advice they'd give you, but it's a chance to end ip on national radio!

Reply

azim2424 | 0

#1034124 - Thursday 17 June 2010 22:41

22 yr hair is like AWESOMEEEE!!!!!!

Reply

bene201 | 0

#1840757 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 3:52

96 yr grammar like sucks

By yagurlteeteexoxo | 0

#1029403 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:07

nastyyyyyyyy

Reply

MaxSnacks | 0

#1030027 - Monday 14 June 2010 6:17

Last time I checked, it was summer? Unless Colorado is receiving a cold front?

Reply

xgetxbentx | 13

#1030155 - Monday 14 June 2010 12:18

75 - which would be why she said it was strange for this time of year....read dude.

Reply

FyourLIFEdotCOM8 | 0

#1030658 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 8:24

not every place gets hot and sunny summers. in Washington it rains 300 days of the year. I had my heater on today cuz it was 60 degrees and raining.

By ohdearkristen | 0

#1029408 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:10

Ew.
use garlic, and fthemousesl.
dude wtf is antiflood protection?

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029418 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:12

it's so you can't post like a million comments in a row!
it seriously sucks...

Reply

ohdearkristen | 0

#1029431 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:15

ohh.. well that was a problem, but I had to wait like 5 minutes just to post a comment on this fml. That suckkkssss

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029436 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:17

it really is annoying... isn't it?

Reply

phreshboi | 1

#1029472 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:48

how do u know it's a guy?

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1030239 - Monday 14 June 2010 19:08

It should take less than two minutes. Next time, try waiting before you resubmit it.

By Samantha_baby | 0

#1029413 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:11

nasty...

Reply

amandalovee | 0

#1029499 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:27

my word exactly.... fyl

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brannyh | 0

#1652223 - Friday 5 November 2010 3:31

Ahhhh the sweet smell of death....

By CallMeHush | 0

#1029416 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:12

Why didn't the A/C keep him from nesting, same motor and box, just a different core? Just wondering.

Reply

kaileebug | 0

#1029554 - Sunday 13 June 2010 19:05

I'm not sure how it happens but this same thing happened to my grandpa.

By jefola | 0

#1029424 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:13

Now THAT stinks! Good luck with that.... Febreeze won't even touch that smell!

By master_wOOt | 0

#1029426 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:13

GHOST MOUSE 0_0

Reply

Aero_boy | 4

#1030080 - Monday 14 June 2010 7:19

More like Deadmau5.

By lovesamystery | 0

#1029440 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:18

bring it in to were you got the car and tell them this isn't that much of an Fml.

By sexysue | 0

#1029448 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:21

get rid of the car!! u will never remove the death smell.

Reply

jizwiz | 3

#1029470 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:47

18- I dont think that pick is legit. Nice ass btw though

By christa953 | 12

#1029457 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:29

ydi for using he heater

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029461 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:31

op lives in Colorado...

Reply

jizwiz | 3

#1029474 - Sunday 13 June 2010 16:49

u got a prob w/ people from colorado?

Reply

Samantha_baby | 0

#1029489 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:12

no I'm just saying that's the reason he's using a heater?

Reply

PinkRoseLove | 0

#1029490 - Sunday 13 June 2010 17:14

It's raining like Seattle here right now and cold so a heater is def. appropriate