Health: Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place... - FML

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 220

Broken heart

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Get 'em!

By stillwaiting - 09/03/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 119

You deserved it 3 116

By emm - 18/03/2011 16:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 276

You deserved it 9 549

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 00:03

Today, I left the apartment door open so the construction workers sent by our landlord could work in the kitchen, while I slept in after working a late shift. They knocked on the bedroom door at 7 a.m., asking me to move the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 149

By screwed - 04/11/2012 09:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 587

You deserved it 5 420

By Cheerieful - 07/05/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I playfully nudged my friend on the shoulder. She countered by shoving me head-first into a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 10 224

By SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 739

You deserved it 71 645

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 06:12 - United States - Amelia

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 241

You deserved it 3 587

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 08:49 - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 319

You deserved it 5 174

By Tor - 21/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 713

You deserved it 12 892

Public freakout

By erineilis - 16/08/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 526

You deserved it 17 018

By kenabrookee - 03/04/2013 05:48 - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 14 708

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 873

You deserved it 20 995

By ThisGuy775 - 19/09/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 2 968

By stickers - 13/05/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 524

You deserved it 4 242

By ollierocks96 - 17/12/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch out side with my friends, when a spider fell on one guy's back. I glanced at it and opened my mouth to warn him when another guy flicked it and it went into my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 477

You deserved it 3 009

By Alex - 07/10/2010 10:10 - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 445

You deserved it 3 247

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 00:54 - United States

Today, I noticed my dog chewing on something while on the couch. It looked like a wash rag of some sort, so I grabbed it from my dog. It wasn't until after I picked it up that I noticed it wasn't a wash rag. It was a small, dead bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 613

You deserved it 3 101

Letting you know

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 21:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply was, "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 493

You deserved it 46 396

By saddened97 - 20/01/2011 09:39 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 581

You deserved it 12 826

That stinks

By Anonymous - 02/11/2021 02:00

Today, I Febrezed my one remaining suit because I haven’t had a chance to go to the dry cleaners yet. I Febrezed it over the bed, so some got on the sheets. My girlfriend then got home and hit me in the head with a vase, because she thought the Febreze on the sheets was another woman’s perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 177

By Shawna - 02/01/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 320

You deserved it 6 980

By ForeverAlone - 20/05/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 087

You deserved it 8 278

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 7 515

Pull!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 11:01

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 76

Stained

By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 360

You deserved it 54 453

By sadf4x0r - 24/02/2010 17:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my girlfriend is the perfect woman for most men. She only ever talks to me in the intermissions on Modern Warfare 2; shame it's not me playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 604

You deserved it 6 332

By cold-n-stinky - 12/01/2010 06:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 758

You deserved it 9 273

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 15:43 - United States - Corona

Today, I nearly got written up at work for missing an important memo. The memo was sent to everyone via the company Facebook group and not by our e-mail system. My manager could hardly believe people exist who have no Facebook account and have no intention of making one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 890

You deserved it 2 392

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 571

You deserved it 86 466

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 07:53 - Australia - West Hoxton

Today my coworker, who I'm secretly in love with, asked me what my plans for the weekend were. I thought she might have been about to ask me out, so I said that I had no plans. She then rolled her eyes and said that she hates talking to, "boring people who shut down every conversation starter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 1 567

By fartypeepee - 18/07/2009 10:48 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on my testicles. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, then threw off the covers. Looks like there have been cockroaches in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 310

You deserved it 10 441

Caught in 480p

By fxck - 04/02/2015 19:28

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumbs-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 406

You deserved it 3 544

By firefighter - 08/09/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 111

You deserved it 45 253

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 197

You deserved it 3 325

By Anonymous - 17/04/2013 15:14 - United States

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 782

You deserved it 7 921

By typical - 13/04/2013 23:49 - United States - Cheshire

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 171

You deserved it 4 146

By WeddingWoes - 03/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 580

You deserved it 5 675

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 5 193

By I'm screwed - 27/01/2015 23:46 - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 584

You deserved it 2 380

By momac86 - 19/01/2015 06:34 - United States

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 116

You deserved it 4 196

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Top comments

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:27

Go for a run, imagine what might fall out of your fat :D

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:24

that's sad

Comments

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:24

that's sad

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 18:08

Like #156 said, it's fake. But if it were true, I wonder how much money she could find? I wonder how many THINGS she could find? Sorry I'm being mean.

MeganH0LLYW00D 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 22:16

And what does that have to do with #1's comment.

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 22:55

it doesnt, he just wants people to read his comment

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Thursday 25 June 2009 3:28

Exactly.

DebitOrCredit 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 5:13

Look on the bright side. With 10 cents, you could get twice the beans in your burrito at Taco Bell. On second thought, don't. It sucks to be genetically fat, but a even a little exercise can stop it from being too unhealthy.

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Thursday 25 June 2009 6:12

i dont live in alabama but if you come to arizona i promise with this heat you'll lose weight plus we can run together..i'll just run behind you poking you with a stick to run faster =]

donkey_hang_down 2

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 20:49

You fucking Fat discusting whore. Kill yourself

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 8:44

#257 your stupid fucking asshole who should go fuck yourself.. your the disgusting out

violetrider123 3

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Friday 25 March 2011 2:21

lawlz coin rolls

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Monday 25 April 2011 2:20

money dosent grow on trees it grows inside her tummy like a baby!

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 7:26

You fucking disrespectful son of a bitch should stop calling a girl you don't even know a whore. See how THAT feels.

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Sunday 26 June 2011 19:42

Then what could've impregnated her?

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 2:00

lol your the first person to prove "it pays to be fat" l

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Tuesday 15 November 2011 6:06

Oooooh........ I thought you were gonna say it fell from your asshole...... Silly me!

amorprincess2002 7

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Saturday 28 September 2013 22:46

You're right.It is sad,but the comic is funny.

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Monday 16 June 2014 16:24

And pathetic, what's wrong with these people...

bco12 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:24

gross. lose some weight. YDI

stephaniepopatia 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:55

i agree lose some weight

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Tuesday 19 April 2011 4:13

You realize this is from Alabama, US. That's not happening.

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Sunday 14 August 2011 22:03

NO! Love your fat rolls!

cherrygurl101 0

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 1:29

I'm guessing ur a fattie, too

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Tuesday 6 May 2014 16:30

Do you realize how hard it is trying to lose weight? Just cause you're skinny doesn't mean you have the right to insult fat people!

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Friday 10 October 2014 2:52

358, just because you're fat doesn't mean you can insult skinny people. it rolls both ways.

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Monday 12 January 2015 15:00

it 'rolls'

BlasterPrime 11

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Friday 6 May 2016 20:56

here's what I don't understand it's their fault that they are fat right? unless they have a slow metabolism or some kinda of medical thing it would be their fault for not exercising and eating too much skinny people are the same if they don't eat or throe up on propose then I'm not saying it's nice but they brought it onto themselves.

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:26

pleasant thought >.

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:27

Go for a run, imagine what might fall out of your fat :D

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 10:36

hahahaha good idea XD

lil_miz_liz09 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 13:00

hahahaha!

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Thursday 25 June 2009 0:25

rofk

mylittlesandwich 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:28

Answer: lose weight.

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:28

Your life isn't f*cked, this is just a sign that you should probably join a gym.

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Thursday 15 April 2010 0:29

if he's this fat then his life is definetly f*cked

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:31

check for more

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:56

OMG xD!! thats funny

8ranko 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 22:24

gross...but funny! AHAHAHAH!!! xD

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:36

No pain no gain... try to exercise? It's not that hard...

madeline9322 17

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Wednesday 24 September 2014 3:19

Some people are naturally large and that's healthy because that's the way their body works and it's unhealthy to get too small. Don't assume things like they're just lazy

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:37

lovely. just lovely. take it as a sign to lose some weight :/

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:38

Oh wow you're fat FYL - tons of people are fat, who gives a shit. Go exercise and stop adding sticks of butter on your food.

davedangerous 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 6:06

hahahahahaha

DangerousBabee 0

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Thursday 25 June 2009 6:55

Lmao xD Guess what else she might have found. Hmm..The lost city of atlantis? Tuapc shakur? My house keys? Looool!!!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 43

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 203