Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML
Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said, "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
Today, I went to court-mandated anger management. The guy running the class was an insufferable little dweeb who wasted time teaching us fucking nursery rhymes. I wanted to break his stupid little nerd glasses. Everything about him makes me mad. FML
Today, I hate the legal profession with a passion, as I just walked out of court where a lawyer, spouting incomprehensible bollocks in Latin, convinced a judge to let a developer bulldoze a children's playground and part of a forest, to build a second multi-storey car park for the shopping centre across the street. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jamesderp 15
It's never too late to switch careers...
totallynotemily 25
He needs to learn when to use his "freedom of speech"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
TaquitoPrincess 19
At the risk of being down voted, it IS actually your constitutional right to speak as much as you want in a court room and it could be considered a federal offense if a judge does find you in contempt. P.S the only reason I know is because my father is a constitutional lawyer.
Lunarlilly 12
Actually no. When a judge orders silence and you keep talking against his direct order you can be found in contempt. You also can be if you make a scene such as cussing a judge. There are weird rules in court but so it won't be chaos.
Shade1982 21
Freedom of speech also doesn't mean you are acquitted from consequence.
PhoenixChick 26
My dad was a software engineer, therefore I can write my own programs. My friend could take out your appendix, her dad's a doctor. Oh wait, no. See the problem with your qualifications? Freedom of speech means that the government cannot punish you for saying things against it that are unfavorable. It's freedom to criticize the institution of government itself. Freedom to publish ideas. Freedom to think in ways that could lead to revolution. People who get their idea of the law from the internet think that freedom of speech means freedom to speak whatever, whenever. It's so, so not. You cannot spread harmful lies. You cannot endanger the life or property of others. You cannot break rules of conduct that are legally set out, such as being quiet in court or even movie theatres, as those rules have been examined and found to be perfectly constitutional, as silence in some situations is necessary for some places to function. Saying "but I have freedom of speech" means you can keep talking out of turn in court is like saying "freedom to assemble" means you can have a rally on your neighbors lawn. Rights and regulations are afforded to other people and your wish to do what you want does not trump that just because it is speech. In short, the fact that "contempt of court" exists should have been enough to tell you that your idea of freedom of speech is off-base
GeeThatSucks 9
if he was smart, he wouldn't need representation in the first place
ohmygoditsakitty 13
Not necessarily true, though it is most of the time. I know someone who had to get a lawyer because she was brought up on truancy charges... when she had already graduated high school.
Lunarlilly 12
People need to realize that just because we have freedom of speech doesn't mean that there aren't consequences of your words.
Goblin182 27
As a public defender who did you think you would be representing, the cream of society?
SkylineFTW97 25
Legal services are expensive, and the minimum wage (in the USA, I don't know what it's like elsewhere) is ridiculously low. What good is being entitled to due process of law if you can't get a proper defense?
RememberSchlitz 9
To take the old adage and turn it around, you do it because public defenders are the 1% of lawyers that keep the other 99% from giving the profession a bad name.
imbedderdenu 23
then go work for a law firm.
gotaplanstan 28
Matt Murdock pls
ThrottleJockey 36
He had the right to remain silent, but not the ability.
jaytx123 3
To everybody saying he didn't do anything wrong in using his "freedom of speech" you are wrong. You see, when in certain places, certain rights are taken away. Such as in school and the court room, your freedom of speech is taken away. And in this instance, it seems that the judge did not give the client the permission to speak.
clawstrophobic 15
You guys live a hard life, too, I feel for you.