Work: Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator,... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 42

27/06/2015 19:58

Today, I wore flip-flops to work. Just as I walked onto the elevator, they made a sound very close to that of a fart. About 10 seconds later, some asshole let out a silent but deadly fart, earning me a bunch of disgusted looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 398

You deserved it 4 827

Mother of the year

Glass half empty

Suspicious

25/09/2012 11:54

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 455

You deserved it 4 811

22/04/2014 05:31

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 360

You deserved it 4 925

Big Little Lies

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 180

28/01/2009 21:58

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 3 299

06/10/2015 11:13

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 785

You deserved it 1 658

19/09/2012 17:02

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 860

You deserved it 2 302

02/07/2009 18:10

Today, was my first day working for a real estate company. just as I sat in my car my pants ripped hugely from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants and three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 950

You deserved it 9 174

06/08/2014 03:35

Today, I found out my co-workers don't actually like me when they changed the hangout spot after accidentally inviting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 971

You deserved it 3 818

Denial

By Alvin - 02/07/2021 17:01

Today, I'm quit my job after finding out that there were multiple confirmed cases of Covid-19. It wouldn't be a big deal, if I didn't find out that people aren't following safe distancing, checking their body heat, walking about without face masks, and leaving the entire site dirty as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 265

14/12/2010 13:32

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 897

You deserved it 3 012

Hey, it's you!

By SlothyMolly - 06/03/2013 17:19

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 769

You deserved it 4 168

07/07/2010 16:40

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 287

You deserved it 8 906

03/05/2009 22:16

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 980

You deserved it 7 789

10/03/2010 03:12

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 371

You deserved it 3 194

16/08/2015 03:16

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 224

You deserved it 2 072

09/11/2012 04:54

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 626

You deserved it 2 777

20/06/2011 22:42

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 3 858

30/07/2009 11:34

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 956

You deserved it 3 676

Ouch

By HelloDrMeAgain - 24/12/2016 14:45

Today, my girlfriend's "sheltered" 15-year-old niece is sharing our tiny home. Shortly after she arrived, I started to pass a kidney stone. I've had 3 hours of vomiting and cold-sweating while pissing acidic blood and a stone in absolute agony. The niece is "traumatized". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 897

You deserved it 606

10/03/2015 06:19

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 264

You deserved it 8 391

School's out

By Ray Mundo - 18/07/2021 16:01

Today, I was at my school's choir concert, sitting in the audience with some people I had classes with. A guy with a really long beard walked in and I pointed him out to the guy next to me, saying, "Get a load of Duck Dynasty." He replied, "Yeah, that's my dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 1 286

04/10/2011 18:31

Today, I spent almost $200 on a planetarium show with my boyfriend, who loves astronomy. He said his favorite thing about it was that he could pick his nose without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 326

You deserved it 3 765

29/08/2011 17:17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 173

You deserved it 6 262

26/02/2009 01:31

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 939

You deserved it 9 118

15/06/2016 13:22

Today, I opened up my laptop to replace a faulty chip inside, which took me half an hour. When I closed it all up again, I saw the replacement part in its packaging on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 390

You deserved it 5 752

17/02/2015 15:48

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 6 310

06/06/2012 08:06

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 995

You deserved it 3 031

28/12/2011 05:26

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 684

You deserved it 3 576

Supportive

By Homophobic wankers - 11/08/2021 14:01

Today, my sister came out as lesbian and my parents kicked her out of the house. I was also kicked out for supporting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 167

06/10/2011 22:28

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 859

You deserved it 2 160

22/07/2011 05:00

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 775

You deserved it 12 050

16/11/2014 23:25

Today, my wife received a $15,000 bonus from her work. I got a backpack from mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 388

You deserved it 3 647

09/10/2010 21:27

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 590

You deserved it 42 957

19/09/2012 20:41

Spicy

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 402

You deserved it 3 666

17/03/2012 15:52

Spicy

Today, I realised my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago. Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 755

You deserved it 10 433

30/09/2015 05:26

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 137

You deserved it 2 404

13/05/2011 19:18

Today, my mom said she wanted me to get laser eye surgery before she did, "Just in case it isn't safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 098

You deserved it 3 055

12/11/2015 09:57

Today, I graduated from a top law school. My aunt's reaction? "I will never hang out with a cop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 279

You deserved it 2 060

08/11/2016 19:15

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 539

You deserved it 904

22/12/2011 17:26

Spicy

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 924

You deserved it 7 944

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Top comments

TypicalSenpai 14

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:50

Sorry OP, but that's pretty damn genius.

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:51

Don't be shy let it fly

Comments

TypicalSenpai 14

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:50

Sorry OP, but that's pretty damn genius.

slingerslasher 24

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Monday 29 June 2015 0:49

it was literally an asshole that farted too this guy thought of everything

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:50

Come now, OP. There's no need to blame your fart on innocent flip-flops. They didn't do anything to you.

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:51

Don't be shy let it fly

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:51

Sucks to suck.

hoosiergirl94 31

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:52

That's what you get for wearing flip flops to work

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Monday 29 June 2015 1:31

What?? she said...rookie mistake! Gotta be professional 100% of the time!!

Cads1 24

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Monday 29 June 2015 3:21

Could be worse. They could have been wearing crocs.

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Monday 29 June 2015 5:59

thank you! what kind of job do you have where you have to use an elevator but can get away with flip flops?

Rented_eyebrows 18

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Monday 29 June 2015 6:36

CEO... That's the kind of job role that allows you to wear flip flops!

Brandi_Faith 33

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Monday 29 June 2015 7:28

I was thinking op may work at the mall at an American Eagle of something. I still wouldn't think he'd be allowed to wear flip flops though. In a lot of places you're not supposed to wear flip flops for safety reasons. I wasn't allowed to wear them in the retail store I worked at for that reason.

littlekellilee 45

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Monday 29 June 2015 8:36

I normally wear heels to work, but I have a bone disease, so on the rare occasion I'll switch to flip flops part way through the day when the pain is bad. They're glitzy though and no one has an issue. I'm a software dev.

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Monday 29 June 2015 14:09

most developer jobs don't give a damn about what you wear. that's one of the reasons I love my field.

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:52

He had the chance, and he took it.

Ashleigh_Kae 11

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:52

Lol guess you deserved it

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:52

He saw his opportunity to blame his stank on you, and he seized it like a champ. FYL, OP

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:55

Shitty situation

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Sunday 28 June 2015 23:56

Hey don't worry about it, you know you're not the one who did it.