Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone,... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 17:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

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Family values

Billy no-mates

Trip Advisor says no

By grounded - 18/12/2011 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

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By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

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By embarrassed - 19/12/2014 19:24 - United States

Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML

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By kp - 17/10/2011 00:47 - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

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By lamemom - 5/4/2014 22:05 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

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By seriously - 20/4/2009 23:05 - Canada

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

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By tsu3 - 16/11/2009 15:14 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

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By aloneinaz - 15/1/2017 20:00

Today, while walking downstairs to go to work, I turned the corner and my boyfriend pulled a gun on me. Apparently, he forgot I was there. FML

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By lrgenesis - 4/2/2012 08:13 - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

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By smyp - 27/8/2015 08:23 - Lithuania

Today, I was going down the elevator in my dorm and a friend joined on another floor. He then thought it was a good time to tell me that he slept with my girlfriend when the elevator got stuck. Worst 40 minutes of my life. FML

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By SoDamnBroke - 28/9/2016 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

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By insurgent - 3/5/2016 08:31 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I'm so lonely, I wrote my number on a desk at my university, hoping someone would text me. FML

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By Confused Clipboard - 19/10/2016 14:41 - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2012 01:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'd stayed up all night to finish a detailed report. By the time I'd printed it I was late for work so I jumped in my car. Driving down the street, I saw my papers fly off the roof of my car. It was raining out. FML

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By Vkaz - 2/10/2014 18:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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By thwack - 24/5/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 11:40

Today, my soon to be ex-wife told her friends that we're getting a divorce because I'm physically abusive. I guess that sounded better than the truth: that she waited 8 months into her pregnancy to tell me that the child probably isn't even mine. FML

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By damn cats - 12/8/2018 22:00

Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML

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By Groped - 2/4/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 19:22 - Chile

Today, I finally quit my job after talking with a friend about making our own design/multimedia company. While I was on my way to his house, he called me and told me not to quit because he got an awesome job offer and couldn't refuse. FML

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By I'm just sick, really - 2/5/2015 00:33 - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

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By eh - 6/10/2014 19:12 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

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By nicbear - 15/6/2017 04:00

Today, I was fired from my job over a coupon a coworker offered me for bonus reward points. Apparently, it wasn't one I was entitled to. I never even looked at the coupon and assumed it was fine since they offered it to me. FML

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By scaredinnyc - 14/11/2012 01:03 - United States - Trenton

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

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By Snow - 26/12/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mother informed me that I am not allowed to drive in snow. I live in Minnesota. FML

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By Bartender - 20/10/2014 21:04 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

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By Beestings - 24/3/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my husband about a busty but vapid celebrity, and he replied, "She doesn't need brains, honey, she has boobs. You wouldn't understand." FML

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By Marika - 20/7/2015 17:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 12:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

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By Randy - 13/9/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, I got home from work to find my wife asleep in her easy chair with my two year old son asleep in a pile of torn-up paper. I soon found out it was my 1960s collection of a Superman comic book series that I inherited from my dad. It was worth well over $2,000. FML

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By cwhitney7 - 22/12/2014 15:04 - United States - Waltham

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

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By nothowscienceworks - 13/11/2015 07:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

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By tay - 17/9/2013 15:44 - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

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By dentinpalevo - 29/12/2010 07:29 - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

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By stranded - 19/5/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

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By scarlet5000 - 26/9/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2019 20:00

Drunk dick

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called the cops on me and told them I wasn’t letting him in the house. His keys were in the door, he was just too drunk to unlock it. FML

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By how many?! - 22/8/2019 00:01

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

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By Mommabear - 15/6/2018 01:30

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

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Top comments

By w_introuble | 25

#5721528 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:33

That's a new level of drunkeness!

By JasonUMN | 15

#5721561 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:46

If you even rejected yourself through beer goggles that's saying something.

COMMENTS

By w_introuble | 25

#5721528 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:33

That's a new level of drunkeness!

Reply

ThorPowaa | 19

#5721568 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:49

Your profile relates to this FML. Haha

Reply

emilycb93 | 12

#5721610 - Saturday 19 October 2013 3:22

Did your friends reply? Haha

Reply

uoeno_fml | 20

#5721645 - Saturday 19 October 2013 3:46

This drunkenness is fucking hilarious

Reply

Kimmismith | 11

#5721703 - Saturday 19 October 2013 4:31

Atleast he knows he doesn't go for guys when he's drunk, right?

Reply

then000bster | 16

#5721787 - Saturday 19 October 2013 5:20

The amount of OP epicness while drunk is legendary. I should go study under him as a drunk apprentice.

Reply

rebellionwars | 11

#5722348 - Saturday 19 October 2013 16:56

This made sense until you made up a word; drunkeness?

Reply

Snide_Sniper | 3

#5722378 - Saturday 19 October 2013 17:29

55-I hate to break it to you but drunkenness is a word. In short, it is the state of being drunk. If you're going to correct someone, a quick google search to verify your infornation never hurts. Especially as you're already online.

Reply

Sweetpea22 | 14

#5722744 - Sunday 20 October 2013 1:17

It is a word, dumbass.

Reply

greenmen | 12

#5722762 - Sunday 20 October 2013 1:42

Have done worst than that. As long as you had fun it's great.

Reply

jesustitts | 20

#5723793 - Sunday 20 October 2013 21:51

#56 while I agree with you, you should have fixed your post, too. You wrote infornation rather than information.

Reply

CoGhostRider | 31

#5867413 - Monday 24 February 2014 15:34

But he did send a guy nudes so...

By DocMcVickers | 13

#5721533 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:35

If only we all could one day be that drunk too.

By pam241 | 15

#5721535 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:36

That's fucked up.

Reply

Whytetrash | 21

#5721575 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:51

I think you mean hilarious

Reply

Dawnstempest | 17

#5721580 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:55

@10 That's fucking hilarious?

Reply

euphoricness | 28

#5721588 - Saturday 19 October 2013 3:01

No, 11. It's hilariously fucked.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5722425 - Saturday 19 October 2013 18:26

OP was hilariously fucked up

By carry_on | 19

#5721538 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:36

Set it as the background picture on your phone as a reminder to yourself to never be that stupid again the next time you get drunk.

Reply

deOrca | 8

#5721587 - Saturday 19 October 2013 3:01

He'd probably just see it and tell his phone to fuck off because he's not gay.

By hockeygoalie13 | 14

#5721546 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:40

At least you didn't need someone else to remind you of what happened the night before!

By JasonUMN | 15

#5721561 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:46

If you even rejected yourself through beer goggles that's saying something.

By ColbyGB | 13

#5721564 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:48

Got drunk, Got some nudes...sounds like a good night to me!

By kdm_km1 | 19

#5721566 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:48

Gaybo!

By thehumanlyhuman | 7

#5721583 - Saturday 19 October 2013 2:58

I have to say, most FMLs beginning with a sentence about having a "raging hangover" or being excessively drunk usually end with a "raging YDI."

By happyfingers | 15

#5721589 - Saturday 19 October 2013 3:02

I don't know if I could be friends with someone after they drunkenly sent me nudes >.>

Reply

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5722132 - Saturday 19 October 2013 10:14

those nudes might keep your fingers happy...

Reply

LittleBastard | 20

#5722224 - Saturday 19 October 2013 13:57