Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML
Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML
Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML
Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
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Top comments
kitkatkelly 0
Well, it didn't.
gameoverman_fml 0
Your boyfriend is retarded. The cockroach was CLEARLY backpacking.
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Comments (36)
Brent009 0
at least thats all it was!!!!!!!!
sephirothyeti 0
That's almost as bad as waking up with an earwig in your ear. People say that its a myth that they crawl into your ears, but trust me they do. Its happened to me twice.
DameGreyWulf 1
This would be more of an FML if your boyfriend wasn't hilarious.
DJ_Chutfield 4
How does he know it didn't see the world before dying?
bre_zip_it_up13 11
your boyfriend put the word **** in COCKroach
hot_mess88 0
That'll happen here. Just gotta butch up and let them live. (I can't talk. I screamed like a little girl the first time a flying roach landed on me. Bastard)
tiffanyalexis 0
too bad you cant squish a cockroach that easily. especially without you waking up.
teiso_fml 0
So what? It was just a cockroach. They're not as gross as people think.
lainzilla 14
And then he dumped you.
purple91 8
hahah I like him for some reason