Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML
Today, during the night, we thought we had an intruder, but it was my girlfriend who grabbed a hammer and went downstairs to check. After it turned out to be the damn cat, I asked her why she made me stay upstairs. Apparently because she’s seen me fight in the past, she felt much safer doing it herself. FML
Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML
Today, I went to sneakily grab a snack without waking up my roommate. I was being extra quiet, tiptoeing like a ninja. I opened the fridge door slowly, but managed to knock over a stack of Tupperware boxes. The crash was so loud it could’ve woken the dead. My roommate appeared in the doorway, not amused. FML
Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML
Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML
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Top comments
TheDrifter 24
I hope you hit a homer, because you're not getting past first base again for a while.
The_creator_fml 2
So her snack was peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat?
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Comments (189)
tklone329 0
How did u get a bat?
rcgirl2 11
He magically pulled it out of his ass crack. -_-
travs 0
uhm yeah when you leaned over to say stay quiet wouldn't you have felt her? or atleast have her say something back to you and how big was her bruise or hospital bill
Shrike 24
Where the **** does it say he leaned over? It says he jumped out of bed and whispered over his shoulder. Learn to read.
shaka_Z_0929007 10
Why didnt you just say her name while you were still in bed or just screamed "Hello?!" It would have saved you an argument and probably getting hit back with the bat.
Juju123187 2
I just hope she is ok. Way to be a hero OP...
Hardheaded44 0
Did it ever cross ur mind to turn the light on before swinging the bat?
MMA_Canada92 7
This is funny, but, if I put this on my fav FML's.... I'm afraid that ppl will think I support domestic violence... :P But for real, this could have been avoided by using some common sense and turning on a light...
shananiganizer 0
That's one way to hit on your girl
adamcichuttek 2
If I thought there was a robber in my house, I would just say I my girlfriend to stay in bed. I would be more worried about getting them out so they can't get my family than first being sure she is there. Of course I would turn on a light.
gothiccandy 9
I think I'd have noticed she wasn't there when I went to tell her to stay. YDI Op for nothing paying more attention.
Silentracoon 0
Should of turned on the lights