Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs....

By Zack - 01/04/2012 21:36 - United States - Duncannon

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 26 494

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By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 807

By Anonymous - 28/10/2015 15:09 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 621

You deserved it 3 135

Who goes there?

By dontbadouche - 01/02/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 734

You deserved it 7 261

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 727

You deserved it 5 806

By Anonymous - 19/06/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 970

You deserved it 3 756

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 15:38 - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 898

You deserved it 12 530

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 733

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 596

You deserved it 7 907

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 952

You deserved it 71 764

TheDrifter 23

Monday 2 April 2012 2:53

I hope you hit a homer, because you're not getting past first base again for a while.

The_creator_fml 2

Monday 2 April 2012 2:56

So her snack was peanut butter jelly with a baseball bat?

Comments

tklone329 0

Monday 2 April 2012 6:33

How did u get a bat?

rcgirl2 11

Monday 2 April 2012 8:49

He magically pulled it out of his ass crack. -_-

travs 0

Monday 2 April 2012 7:01

uhm yeah when you leaned over to say stay quiet wouldn't you have felt her? or atleast have her say something back to you and how big was her bruise or hospital bill

Shrike 23

Monday 2 April 2012 7:30

Where the **** does it say he leaned over? It says he jumped out of bed and whispered over his shoulder. Learn to read.

shaka_Z_0929007 10

Monday 2 April 2012 7:07

Why didnt you just say her name while you were still in bed or just screamed "Hello?!" It would have saved you an argument and probably getting hit back with the bat.

Juju123187 2

Monday 2 April 2012 7:08

I just hope she is ok. Way to be a hero OP...

Hardheaded44 0

Monday 2 April 2012 7:12

Did it ever cross ur mind to turn the light on before swinging the bat?

MMA_Canada92 7

Monday 2 April 2012 7:18

This is funny, but, if I put this on my fav FML's.... I'm afraid that ppl will think I support domestic violence... :P But for real, this could have been avoided by using some common sense and turning on a light...

shananiganizer 0

Monday 2 April 2012 7:37

That's one way to hit on your girl

adamcichuttek 2

Monday 2 April 2012 8:01

If I thought there was a robber in my house, I would just say I my girlfriend to stay in bed. I would be more worried about getting them out so they can't get my family than first being sure she is there. Of course I would turn on a light.