Love: Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing.... - FML

By FunGhoost - 20/02/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 350

You deserved it 5 234

You tried

Mother of the year

Thanks, I hate it!

By RedHotRoses - 20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 245

You deserved it 269

By HarvestMoon_gal - 24/07/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 046

You deserved it 10 623

By Hooker - 28/03/2013 23:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 957

You deserved it 20 516

By ElodieUNU - 12/07/2013 19:33 - France

Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 787

You deserved it 7 728

By Broccolliboyy - 18/06/2013 06:35 - United States - Colfax

Today, I learned that the money I work hard for on YouTube has been transferred to the wrong person's banking account. That person is my ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 918

You deserved it 6 912

By Ali - 07/07/2012 20:23 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 675

You deserved it 30 516

Alexa, play "I don't want to talk about it" by Rod Stewart

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 20:08

Today, my man believes he could never be the cause of a breakup. His strategy for eternal love? Try not to feel anything, and if you do, do NOT show it or talk about it. Just completely refuse to engage with your partner in any meaningful way. No fighting equals happiness. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 215

By Lonely School Kid - 30/07/2015 22:35 - Canada

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 2 138

By AtLeastIGetOvertime - 02/08/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I asked my supervisor if I could take a week off next month to go visit family. He laughed and said, "That's funny, I've put you down for extra time that week, so you can cover my shifts while I go to Spain!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 161

By HowToGetFired - 07/07/2015 20:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 058

You deserved it 8 575

Sign this!

By Stairs? Noooooo - 15/09/2015 22:31 - United States - San Leandro

Today, I was signing with my deaf brother at a local McDonald's. We were having a laugh about a game we played last night when this morbidly obese woman waddled over to us. She was utterly convinced we were "talking shit" about her and made a scene about our "hand gestures." Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 123

You deserved it 1 525

By Anonymous - 02/04/2013 10:30 - United States - Beaumont

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 395

You deserved it 8 344

By sonofmilf - 17/05/2009 05:46 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 883

You deserved it 6 365

By kaitiem224 - 22/10/2015 02:52 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 915

You deserved it 2 837

By didntevenknow - 13/08/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 511

You deserved it 37 923

By Bummed - 12/06/2016 19:44

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 889

You deserved it 967

By kalamar5 - 25/05/2014 20:54 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 770

You deserved it 5 446

By arose - 08/09/2010 04:05 - United States

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own has stripes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 3 289

By 41k312 - 01/11/2016 05:03

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 701

You deserved it 3 574

By andromeda80 - 28/03/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 416

You deserved it 2 794

By Percy - 23/03/2019 20:00

Today, the phrase "To share everything with one's friends" took a pretty unexpected meaning when a friend of mine asked me for a date. When I told him how unlikely it was to happen because of my friendship with his girlfriend, he answered that it was no excuse as she fell in love with me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 10:39 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 639

You deserved it 9 117

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 16:50 - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 162

You deserved it 6 914

By TJ - 06/04/2012 11:10 - United Kingdom - Redhill

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 143

You deserved it 10 359

By Dreadge - 15/01/2010 19:37 - Israel

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 748

You deserved it 4 571

By over_protected - 18/01/2010 12:28 - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 081

You deserved it 2 468

…and then everyone clapped

By boobsnbaseball - 02/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 206

By mellbelle32 - 11/07/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 093

You deserved it 3 476

By crayons128 - 24/01/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 979

You deserved it 6 581

By Robbins - 31/08/2009 02:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 643

You deserved it 5 364

By Forgotten - 11/03/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 149

You deserved it 181

That was quick

By dumbdad - 08/09/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 601

You deserved it 3 263

By Anon - 05/12/2009 14:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 136

You deserved it 17 160

By Teiu88 - 20/10/2013 14:34 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 6 883

By whatthehell - 24/04/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 214

You deserved it 3 739

Insulate Britain at it again

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to protestors blocking the M25, I missed the only job interview I’ve been invited to in 10 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 078

You deserved it 3 622

By sincerely depressed. - 09/08/2012 21:42 - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 815

You deserved it 40 342

By uneducated - 07/03/2010 00:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old Father is the 'Sugar Daddy' to a 20-year-old. He wasted my college funds on her, which I have been dutifully saving for ever since I was 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 323

You deserved it 2 317

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Top comments

bethanyhopkins 49

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:51

Get out while you can

LizetteBerenice 22

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:51

You are.

Comments

Friday 20 February 2015 16:51

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:52

You mad, bro?

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:54

I'm glad this comment was so fun to help that along. :)

FluffyPandas156 13

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Friday 20 February 2015 17:08

expecting you to see a lot of down votes. Haha But seriously I think we'll stick with FML as Fuck My Life. And tbh. the "you mean your ex" is overused a lot. But to see this I'm laughing.

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Friday 20 February 2015 19:11

Finally someone gets it!

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Friday 20 February 2015 19:41

I completely agree with you (minus the change fml to fun my life instead of fuck my life)

tbro47 23

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Friday 20 February 2015 21:48

Why so serious #1?

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Friday 20 February 2015 22:33

Holy shit brodawg! You have -145 downvotes! Daaaaaaaaayyyyuuuuuuuum!

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Friday 20 February 2015 22:50

How about be quiet ffs.

bethanyhopkins 49

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:51

Get out while you can

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

Friday 20 February 2015 23:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Friday 20 February 2015 23:30

Men are not your personal slaves

shay_serendipity 29

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Friday 20 February 2015 23:36

#114, are you sure? Because I'm not sure that anyone likes to date the type that are psychos... but maybe that's just me.

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Saturday 21 February 2015 0:25

True #114 : they're called "masochistes"...

4WheelBurnout 14

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Saturday 21 February 2015 1:51

You mam are fucked in the head

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Saturday 21 February 2015 1:54

If you're that insecure that you have to delete nearly all female contacts on your partner's phone without their permission then you need to reevaluate your own mentality. Definitely follow #2s advice, OP

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Saturday 21 February 2015 2:04

114 - your also fucked, then

PleasantDino 22

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Saturday 21 February 2015 9:08

@114 do you have any idea of what a healthy relationship is?

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Friday 20 March 2015 22:13

you got your own overly attached girlfriend

LizetteBerenice 22

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:51

You are.

lovelyvampire 16

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Saturday 21 February 2015 0:04

Bitches me crazy

Greenteamextreme 16

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Saturday 21 February 2015 12:22

#126 - Bitches all me crazy!

redneck_wolf 19

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:53

Run and don't look back

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:53

I think that's a symptom of them being bat-crap crazy. In clinical terms.

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:53

Yeah. I think it's time to 'Delete' and 'Block' her.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Friday 20 February 2015 23:21

block then delete

SecretAgent_700 15

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Saturday 21 February 2015 4:54

No, #116, I'm pretty sure it's 'Delete' and then 'Block' just like #8 said.

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Saturday 21 February 2015 6:11

More like 'Delete' or 'Exterminate'. Save someone else the trouble of having to deal with her.

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Saturday 21 February 2015 11:09

In many cases, 'block' action includes an automatic 'delete' action.

Cortezthe1st 23

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:53

I thought the FML was going to end with "I live alone."

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Friday 20 February 2015 19:15

I felt the same way!

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Monday 23 February 2015 7:25

This alternate ending gets my vote! ... I'm now a little creeped out.

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:53

You should probably talk to her about this. Because she is probably texting more boys than just you.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Friday 20 February 2015 23:22

not necessarily. .. some women just have insecurities and as a result control their man.

doctorhook86 24

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Saturday 21 February 2015 0:13

#117: You say that like it makes that behaviour okay somehow.

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Saturday 21 February 2015 4:17

Her name is 1personismyworld. For some reason I don't think this means Jesus. I've read many of your comment ma'am and I'm truly concerned at your perception on what is healthy in relationships , or life in that matter. To each there own .

jentrynicole 20

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:55

Is your Mom still on there?

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Friday 20 February 2015 16:55

Sucks for you! gl with that

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 38

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 25