Love: Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still...

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 086

You deserved it 7 089

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 647

You deserved it 4 567

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 280

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 612

You deserved it 2 882

By jimbop - 23/05/2009 17:48 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 890

You deserved it 10 314

By Matt - 13/07/2012 19:06 - United States

Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 344

You deserved it 57 787

By drunk - 06/03/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 276

You deserved it 40 930

How romantic

By SmokedSalmon - 13/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 238

You deserved it 43 577

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 992

You deserved it 108 901

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 1 318

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 309

You deserved it 9 827

2random 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:50

lets just pray that u have not caught anything

cactusdesu 15

Monday 18 November 2013 17:02

Why don't you just give him an up vote rather than announcing that you like his comment?

Comments

happygoluckyhh 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 21:25

A girl doesn't like me. FML Get the **** over it.

c3ns0r3dn4m3 0

Friday 26 June 2009 9:43

EPIC fail.. FYL.

Recusant 0

Wednesday 21 October 2009 10:51

She awoke out of her fantasies to find you in real life. Ha ha. A true story about love in reality!

what_the_fail 0

Wednesday 27 January 2010 0:02

^^^^ this ^^^^

andrewgavn 0

Tuesday 2 March 2010 2:53

lucky I woke up next to a guy after vodka

scarface_23 0

Saturday 29 May 2010 0:13

haha

cc1992 11

Saturday 29 May 2010 9:53

Baha, what a bitch! Still funny though. And why are some people saying she's a *****? How would you know that?

Cyrus00 41

Saturday 23 April 2016 15:59

Well she started kissing back without even knowing who was kissing her in the first place.

RachelBerry_fml 5

Friday 16 July 2010 4:13

shes a bitch

PurplePandaxD 1

Monday 30 August 2010 2:51

tough luck

meanmachine511 0

Tuesday 12 October 2010 8:34

at least you got to first base for a minute

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The Top

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 78

Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 60

The Top

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 107

Today, I made Salt Water Taffy for the first time, misread the recipe, and put 1.5 cups of salt instead of the 1.5 teaspoons it called for. Needless to say it's inedible and I had to throw it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 661

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 744

You deserved it 5 967

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 416

You deserved it 1 960

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 519

You deserved it 6 417

Today, I finally got home after not seeing my husband for a few months because of work. He grew an enormous ginger moustache like Yosemite Sam. After months apart, we are now arguing because he refuses to shave and I refuse to kiss him until he does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 1 506