Dude, gross

Today, I watched my boyfriend pick all the dead skin off of his feet, and then fling it at me. FML

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

We all do it. Don't we?

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

Smells like victory

Today, I opened my front door to be greeted by what I can only describe as the stink of death. After moving furniture and lifting floorboards, frantically searching for whatever had died, I finally discovered the actual source of the stench - my girlfriend's feet. FML

Etiquette

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

Yeet the feet

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML