Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML
Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
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Top comments
jkmartinjk 16
You say 15 year old virgin like its a bad thing...
kakarot2 11
Were you able to save your groceries?
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Comments (92)
shaww 28
with no one around to help?
nakiarain 9
I hope the fml isn't about you being a 15 year old virgin. There's nothing wrong with that.
Poppipuff 14
I guess it's more about a guy chasing him with a knife, but who knows.
nakiarain 9
Hah well I know that..I guess I just meant that he shouldn't be upset about being 15 and a virgin
timberwolf408 7
you met stiffler's dad?
buckdharma 38
You almost lost your virginity op. That wasn't his knife!
MidnaLink 35
Just a guess, but I think a fifteen year old would know a knife from a dick.
GrinchFu1 27
Man, I wish cool stuff like that happened to me!
BunchieRules 31
You wish you would get chased by a crazy man with a knife? That could be arranged...
GrinchFu1 27
At least that would make for an interesting day!
JROTCAFAF 2
That's crazy. Hey if you see that person again chase him around the block with a knife. Paybacks a bitch lol
Stefanie88 24
wahh wahh 15-year-old virgin my life sucksss. seriously? I agree, YLS for the man chasing you around, but don' t be in such a hurry to grow up !
Megan98 18
He's just stating he's a fifteen year old virgin, meaning he did not sleep with that guys wife...
thewife5 19
I don't think he's complaining about being a 15-year-old virgin. I believe he just stated that fact to say.. I'm to young and inexperienced to sleep with a married woman. Op, good luck, that is some scary mistaken identity.
LadyEmi 15
Can't any of you tell that he isn't complaining about being a virgin? Sheesh
Ayanpatel95 7
sounds like u look to old for ur age