Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML
Today, a total stranger asked me to marry him while we were waiting for the bus. I turned him down. He then pulled a knife on me, grabbed my purse and ran. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, an old lady fell in the street, and I rushed to help her. As I tried to help her to her feet, she started screaming, "She pushed me! She pushed me!" I froze up in shock, and ended up being chased by some guy who thought I'd attacked her. FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
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Top comments
jkmartinjk 16
You say 15 year old virgin like its a bad thing...
kakarot2 11
Were you able to save your groceries?
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Comments (92)
emimimi 8
Uh it's okay to be a 15 year old virgin... am I the only one who thinks that?
TurquoiseJesus 15
Safe to assume you haven't read through any of the other comments then, yeah?
misspennycakes 7
Uh it's not about him being a virgin fyl for not understanding a simple fml
Curtar2 18
dude that sucks, did you at least save your groceries?
jmacfan1 16
21 year old virgin reporting in over here. Seriously though getting chased by a wacko sucks for you op.
Hawaii84 16
You are buying groceries at 15?
MidnaLink 35
That's not that unusual. A former friend and I went to a grocery store near his house one time, and we were barely teens.
apax 9
You can join the army at 16?
chinagirl3343 8
Still? That's nothing to be ashamed of! Wait until you are emotionally ready goofy... And you can provide for the possible baby .
AddyGaming 8
Since when can 15 year olds drive?
BigSexy123 11
*headdesk*
AlexRen 21
#50 he was being chased around the block. There's no car in this story.
XxGAMERxWOLFxX 1
U thought u were gonna get stabbed and ur more worried about bein a 15 year old virgin? If u lost ur virginity before 15 im sorry but u got molested
MidnaLink 35
That's only if it's non-consensual and the (for lack of a better word) partner is threatening you. Kinda like that two-part episode of all in the family.
happylawyer 16
I am glad you ran fast enough to be able to tell the story. And... eh.... At 15, you are supposed to be a virgin. By the way, try keeping it like that as long as possible. Life will be less complicated.
ReepingHavoc 13
doesn't matter, had sex. wait a minute...
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Thank God you have speed.