Miscellaneous: Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister,... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 28

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 133

02/10/2010 19:43

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 969

You deserved it 5 187

Leave us alone

Own it

Our House

19/12/2009 05:52

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 975

You deserved it 2 870

25/06/2012 15:53

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 683

You deserved it 2 929

Don't know, don't care

By All a hoax - 25/10/2020 20:05

Today, my boss still won't believe in climate change, and won't do anything to reduce our carbon footprint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 434

Not worth it

By Reebee - 27/09/2017 01:30

Spicy

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 221

You deserved it 525

25/03/2013 18:25

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 565

You deserved it 7 471

06/11/2012 05:15

Spicy

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 46 616

10/09/2010 18:09

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 925

You deserved it 3 346

We could be heroes

By Anonymous - 10/09/2020 14:01

Today, as an Ambulance Technician, I dealt with a man who had too much LSD. He urinated on my boot and spat on me multiple times, thinking he had dragons in his mouth. I put a mask on him and he took it off so "the dragons could escape." My wage is lower than if I were working in a supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 104

23/02/2015 20:18

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 3 249

Sketchy

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 02:01

Today, I met my boyfriend’s female friend. We all went out to dinner, he paid for her meal instead of mine, asked me why I’m not a redhead like her, and when he dropped her off at her house, spent the entire hour car ride talking about how perfect she is. He still has no idea why I’m upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 131

02/03/2009 08:10

Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from our date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 974

You deserved it 4 972

06/01/2010 21:05

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 242

You deserved it 26 719

06/07/2011 18:45

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 271

You deserved it 79 562

24/11/2011 16:06

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 908

You deserved it 9 990

01/11/2009 06:30

Today, I was playing a game of truth or dare in a group with a girl I liked. She was dared to kiss me, but then the group decided that that was too cruel of a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 554

You deserved it 4 610

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 984

20/01/2016 04:06

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 1 910

25/05/2017 00:00

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 475

You deserved it 1 850

Thanks, I hate it

By kkkk - 31/01/2011 15:44

Today, the company I applied for called up congratulating me in getting the job. I was ecstatic. Quickly enough I texted a few mates that I'd got the job. Twenty minutes later they called again saying the trainee had accidentally called the wrong applicant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 439

You deserved it 2 959

You took your time!

By Rejected - 01/09/2021 10:01

Today, almost 7 weeks after the second interview for a job I really wanted, and hearing nothing from the job or the staffing agents, I got an email saying they won’t be hiring me. I gave up my search a few weeks ago when I started the third trimester of my pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 178

29/04/2015 16:06

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 037

You deserved it 3 319

23/07/2016 23:04

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 840

You deserved it 19 121

22/08/2009 04:43

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 032

You deserved it 2 981

13/12/2012 08:31

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 414

You deserved it 1 922

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 272

You deserved it 178

01/03/2010 13:17

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 312

You deserved it 2 815

04/02/2014 01:30

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 220

You deserved it 4 447

01/01/2011 06:59

Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 523

You deserved it 9 497

14/01/2011 16:28

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 842

You deserved it 4 337

That went well

By not on life, that's for fucking sure - 25/10/2014 18:27

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 433

You deserved it 5 079

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 926

You deserved it 1 830

Paparazzi

By iStoleTheBrownie - 25/08/2017 01:32

Today, my friend asked me to send her a picture of my crush. I've never talked to him so I had to take the picture without him knowing. My flash was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 3 881

05/12/2016 22:35

Today, I went to see a movie with my parents. During a sex scene, my dad covered my eyes. I'm married and have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 898

You deserved it 955

18/05/2016 02:20

Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 446

You deserved it 3 134

03/05/2019 06:00

Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 367

12/03/2014 15:33

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 934

You deserved it 5 340

23/02/2019 16:00

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 209

24/09/2017 10:00

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 228

You deserved it 602

07/09/2009 18:16

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 812

You deserved it 4 341

Traditions suck

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 148

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:00

You then should have said you were her sister. I cant imagine the employees face

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:35

seattle is a very gay friendly city. She could have figured u to were a gay couple and thought u didnt want to shop with her

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Saturday 2 October 2010 23:58

haha sorry

SmallTownCutie 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 1:45

No wonder she thought you were a man. A normal adult female would be excited to go shopping with their sister, even if it was for maternity clothes. You could've at least acted like you were excited.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 2:14

lol she thought you were les!!! not that there's anything wrong with that ;)

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Sunday 3 October 2010 2:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 3 October 2010 5:56

wow... you must be an uckin fugly chic Op!

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Sunday 3 October 2010 8:01

I live in Wenatchee. welcome to Washington lol we are real nice folk 'dirty redneck accent'

boyguydudemalema 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 10:35

you looked like a pregnant guy, im sorry if i offended you sir-----ma'am

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Sunday 3 October 2010 20:40

Someone must look extremely butch.

QuickSilv3r777 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 1:10

it's cause you have a stache nothing to be ashamed of just grab a razor u chewbaca looking bish

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 22:18

you pana ?

nikl 6

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Thursday 6 October 2011 3:32

So much hate towards OP

givemediamonds 7

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Saturday 28 March 2015 15:51

Except that they're sisters...

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:00

You then should have said you were her sister. I cant imagine the employees face

ShadowPunkChick 1

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:40

I agree

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Sunday 3 October 2010 2:39

Yep, that's the good thing about being called the wrong gender or whatever, you get to correct them and see the look on their face! xD

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:02

aww sucks

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:04

awkward...

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:06

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Sunday 3 October 2010 3:22

lol dido

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Sunday 3 October 2010 3:43

Oh, you like Dido? I think her song 'Thank You' was pretty good. Unless you were referring to the Queen of Carthage perhaps…

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Sunday 3 October 2010 3:45

And Mome_Rath, I have a question for you, because I've always been curious. What exactly is 'outgrabing' and why do you do it?

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Sunday 3 October 2010 8:24

'Twas brillig (the early evening or thereabouts), and the slithy (slimy and lithe) toves (badgers with lizard feet and corkscrew noses) did gyre (scratch) and gimble (to bore holes) in the wabe (the hillside). All mimsy (flimsy and miserable) were the borogoves (birdlike creatures) and the mome (solemn) raths (creatures resembling either pigs or turtles; i can't remember) outgrabe (to cry or squeal). I believe we cried because the slithy toves were bothering us with their scratching and hole-digging. Oh, the nonsense!

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Sunday 3 October 2010 11:03

#60: cool story, bro.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:15

haha! You should probably shave that stash and stop holding your crotch while you "gangsta walk" around everywhere.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:23

try dressing like a female, i dont think theyd say that if you were wearing a skirt. unless you look so manly that they think your a cross dresser, then i wouldnt know what they would say.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:35

seattle is a very gay friendly city. She could have figured u to were a gay couple and thought u didnt want to shop with her

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:57

Knowing Seattle, it's likely that this is what actually happened.

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Sunday 3 October 2010 3:19

I live in Seattle and have yet to meet a single gay couple so I'm just gonna pretend she was really ugly cuz it's more funny.

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Sunday 3 October 2010 7:23

okay....but if they were a gay couple, one of the women would not be the father. ijjit.

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Thursday 1 March 2012 13:54

It's not gay OR friendly what part were u in??

l0ri3 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 0:36

sounds like someone needs a makeover!!

randomchickkk 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 15:22

extreme edition.