Miscellaneous: Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf... - FML

By "BunnysKitty" - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

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Own it

This Charming Man

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 03:30

Melted

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML

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By ADT - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Mid-thrust she says "I love you, Jeremy." Then in rapid succession, she fires off 2 other names. None of the names were mine. FML

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By counselor - United States

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

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By Beast - United States - Cleveland

Today, I was cast as beast in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast. My Grandma's input? "At least they won't need any makeup." FML

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By hurikan68 - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

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By fmlsomuch - Japan

Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2021 02:02 - United States - Brush Prairie

Well done Cooper

Today, my phone chose not to deliver a message to my girlfriend. This isn't the first time either; It has a habit of failing to deliver or receive messages to/from her, making it look like I'm ignoring her by not responding. It only does this with her, none of my other contacts. My phone may be trying to sabotage my relationship. FML

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By Unistudent - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I mustered up the courage to take a dump in a public toilet so I went to the disabled toilet in our university library. I did my thing, the flush didn't work, I pulled the red string thinking it would do something and a buzzer started ringing throughout the whole university. FML

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By phatkroger10 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bakersfield

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML

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By NNTA - Netherlands - Maastricht

WTF, dude?

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

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By anon - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt - Cairo

Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it. FML

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By Innocent - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 05:01

Munchausen by proxy

Today, I was just told by a hiring manager that the reasons I'm not getting interviews is because I have a spotty work history. My work history is spotty because my mother ignores my food allergies so she can get attention and, as a result, I'm chronically ill. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Shot

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

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By superficialheart - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

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By Randiluck - Canada

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

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By Gerry - 3/1/2021 17:03

Fate, up against your will

Today, according to my wife of 30 years, I'm finally old enough that I look, smell, sound and act like my father. FML

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By AtLeastThereWasAParamedic

Today, I was walking on the sidewalk near my house when a car pulled out of a parking spot in front of a speeding ambulance. The ambulance swerved up onto the grass. Yes, I broke my arm after being hit by an ambulance. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

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By 3 More Months - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

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By struckbystarzz - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

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By Grandson - United States - Ontario

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

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By Duchess

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

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By s

Today, I parked in a "Disabled" space. A woman and her kids comes yelling at me about how I don't look disabled and I was just being selfish. I roll my pants up to reveal two prosthetic legs. She then yells at me that I should have warned her before showing my legs since it could scare her kids. FML

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By Decibell

Round and round

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

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By Anon - Australia - Brisbane

At the top of desire

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

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By scarred - France

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing. And after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

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By fishyrael

What he is thinking?

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

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By Bigfatfailure - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

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By CheeseyPotatoes - United States

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

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By anon - United States - Pasadena

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

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By 20singleandproudish - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

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By LALALA3 - United States

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

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Top comments

By Gwengreen | 6

#7485436 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 6:24

You should ask for the recipe for their *amazing* meatloaf and see their reaction.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7485311 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:39

That must be some badass meatloaf!

1. Your in-laws loved it so much they stole it.
2. They decided to share it with you.
3. You won’t have it for lunch.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7485311 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:39

That must be some badass meatloaf!

1. Your in-laws loved it so much they stole it.
2. They decided to share it with you.
3. You won’t have it for lunch.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad!

By rivenrock | 14

#7485318 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:44

So interested to know what they said when you asked them about it. And if you didn't ask them, YDI.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7486293 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 17:20

"This is really good meatloaf! You just HAVE to tell me how you made it!"

By Gwengreen | 6

#7485436 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 6:24

You should ask for the recipe for their *amazing* meatloaf and see their reaction.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7485506 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:28

Well that is one way to meat the parents.

Reply

J352SAURUS | 30

#7485544 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:59

Get a loaf of this guy. So punny and original!

Reply

Cali | 54

#7488398 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 19:48

So punny! I loaf you guys.

By J352SAURUS | 30

#7485542 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:58

So... they have no problem stealing from you and then inviting you over and deliberately serving your meatloaf for dinner so you can clearly see their theft? What are they thinking? Are they stupid? Have they no shame? What does your SO think? That's messed up!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7485846 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 11:51

Tell then it taste awful and bad. Give them pointers on how to make a better meat loaf. At some point they will get pissed enough and blab they stole it from you and they didn't make it. You = win

By bigtwobah | 6

#7485910 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 12:42

Did they run from the fridge like a bat out of hell?

Reply

egnur_mas | 19

#7485993 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 13:45

I can't believe it took this long for one of these jokes :,)

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7486250 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 16:49

"I can't believe it took this long for one of these jokes :,)"

Dude! My first comment is a Meat Loaf reference!

Reply

species4872 | 19

#7486455 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 19:16

Yeah I think the reference was a little too subtle Richard.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7486515 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 20:04

You took the words right out of my mouth!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7486041 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 14:28

"So how's the meatloaf?"
"It tastes stolen."

By HappyItalian | 38

#7486380 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 18:18

Of all things to steal, they steal food? And meatloaf at that? Tsk. Shoulda went with the cake.

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7486633 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 21:22

The cake is a lie!

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7486915 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 0:45

Meat loaf, double beat loaf. I hate meat loaf!

By Talented73 | 54

#7486402 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 18:32

Don't let yer meat loaf