Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf... - FML

By "BunnysKitty" - 10/7/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

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Healthy relationship

Tense

Mr Sensitivity

By DeeElleGee - 14/11/2009 00:09 - Canada

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

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By fuck Star Wars - 14/9/2020 10:02

The Force is weak with this one

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

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By Lovelysister - 21/10/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

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By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

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By yashmoshin1 - 17/6/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

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By canadiansun - 26/2/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my dad. He met him after my boyfriend ran his truck into a tree, and my dad had to pick us up. FML

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By finallyready - 8/1/2013 19:56 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

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By cantgetabreak - 13/12/2016 18:50

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

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By - 19/1/2020 18:00

Romantic gesture

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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By fmlguy - 10/12/2010 03:19

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2015 10:15 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

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By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

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By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/3/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Different strokes

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2010 23:51 - United States

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

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By shnigel - 27/2/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I got sent out of the class for "inappropriate" behaviour. The teacher later forgot about me and sent a notice home to my parents stating that I skipped class. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2012 08:24 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

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By rissa5214 - 26/7/2015 18:20 - United States - Stoughton

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML

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By - 25/2/2020 14:00

Knock out

Today, I treated myself to a Thai massage. The masseuse was so aggressive and intense, she left me with injuries on my hands and back. I paid $60 for someone to hurt me. FML

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By wellesleybanana - 17/4/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I finally got some sleep after an exterminator came yesterday and took care of our roach problem. I woke up and kissed my boyfriend good morning. Frowning, he told me I had something stuck on the corner of my mouth. It was a roach leg. Where is the rest of the roach? FML

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By athletiks - 26/3/2014 22:39 - United States - Pullman

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

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By stormblade27 - 28/1/2019 02:00

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

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By sleeplessinrichmond - 15/9/2013 06:02 - United States - Bronx

Today, the guy on the floor above me decided it was time for a tuba jam session. Apparently optimal tuba time is 2am. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2020 23:00

Family values

Today, I discovered that my very recent ex-fiancé tried to bang his sister-in-law several times while we were still together. The best part? She’s my son's teacher and she waited until we'd broken up to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2018 05:00

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

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By DarkChild - 11/2/2016 22:18 - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

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By Duckie W - 13/2/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

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By ireallylikecats - 22/4/2015 13:31 - United States

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

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By disgruntled - 26/3/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

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By Till We Pass Out - 3/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

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By captainocd - 19/8/2010 19:16 - United States

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

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By lonelygirl - 17/8/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

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By jasondrags - 3/7/2015 13:42 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

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By shroooms - 28/7/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

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By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Tiger King

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

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By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/5/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

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By MandieL - 30/1/2016 08:56 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

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By sarahmoon - 5/5/2018 01:30

Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML

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By quarantine15 - 28/4/2020 14:00

Oh, so sexy

Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML

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By Voice29 - 26/3/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

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Top comments

By Gwengreen | 6

#7485436 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 6:24

You should ask for the recipe for their *amazing* meatloaf and see their reaction.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7485311 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:39

That must be some badass meatloaf!

1. Your in-laws loved it so much they stole it.
2. They decided to share it with you.
3. You won’t have it for lunch.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7485311 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:39

That must be some badass meatloaf!

1. Your in-laws loved it so much they stole it.
2. They decided to share it with you.
3. You won’t have it for lunch.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad!

By rivenrock | 14

#7485318 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:44

So interested to know what they said when you asked them about it. And if you didn't ask them, YDI.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7486293 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 17:20

"This is really good meatloaf! You just HAVE to tell me how you made it!"

By Gwengreen | 6

#7485436 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 6:24

You should ask for the recipe for their *amazing* meatloaf and see their reaction.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7485506 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:28

Well that is one way to meat the parents.

Reply

J352SAURUS | 30

#7485544 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:59

Get a loaf of this guy. So punny and original!

Reply

Cali | 54

#7488398 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 19:48

So punny! I loaf you guys.

By J352SAURUS | 30

#7485542 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:58

So... they have no problem stealing from you and then inviting you over and deliberately serving your meatloaf for dinner so you can clearly see their theft? What are they thinking? Are they stupid? Have they no shame? What does your SO think? That's messed up!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7485846 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 11:51

Tell then it taste awful and bad. Give them pointers on how to make a better meat loaf. At some point they will get pissed enough and blab they stole it from you and they didn't make it. You = win

By bigtwobah | 6

#7485910 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 12:42

Did they run from the fridge like a bat out of hell?

Reply

egnur_mas | 19

#7485993 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 13:45

I can't believe it took this long for one of these jokes :,)

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7486250 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 16:49

"I can't believe it took this long for one of these jokes :,)"

Dude! My first comment is a Meat Loaf reference!

Reply

species4872 | 19

#7486455 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 19:16

Yeah I think the reference was a little too subtle Richard.

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7486515 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 20:04

You took the words right out of my mouth!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7486041 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 14:28

"So how's the meatloaf?"
"It tastes stolen."

By HappyItalian | 38

#7486380 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 18:18

Of all things to steal, they steal food? And meatloaf at that? Tsk. Shoulda went with the cake.

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7486633 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 21:22

The cake is a lie!

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7486915 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 0:45

Meat loaf, double beat loaf. I hate meat loaf!

By Talented73 | 54

#7486402 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 18:32

Don't let yer meat loaf