Miscellaneous: Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf... - FML

By "BunnysKitty" - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

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Commando

BO Central

Great speech, thanks!

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 17:02

Mind your own beeswax

Today, I saw an employee showing off a picture on his phone. I couldn't quite see what it was and tried to inject myself in to the conversation. "Whatcha got there, a cow?" It wasn't. It was a photo of his wife, posing in her wedding dress for the first time since their wedding day several years and children ago. FML

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By I'mnotsmarttheothersarestupid - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document. Every second comment could be answered by, "See the sentence above/below" because apparently someone has problems with his short term memory. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

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By fml9124 - 19/2/2021 19:58

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because her two kids got into my pool. They scaled a two-meter wall to get to my backyard. They used a tree in her yard that hangs over the wall. I guess I could install razor wire on top of the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

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By screwed. - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 08:01

Mr Loverman

Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brockton

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about being super heroes. He said I could be "The Period" because I'm a bitch. FML

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By Insomniac

Today, and for the past four years, the only time my husband stops snoring while asleep is so that he can fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

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By Emmmsie

Today, my new passport arrived, along with my expired one and its 20-year-old picture. I was comparing the photos when my husband came to look. He laughed and said, "Time is cruel." FML

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By Jimmy - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

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By AquaKelly - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

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By Nosexytime - United States

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML

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By Anonymous - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

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By Remy - United States - Portland

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

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By nerdgirlmickey - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

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By skreweduP - United States

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

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By mmaisie - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a 2000 word essay on "Las Vegas - The City That Never Sleeps". I was proud of my work, until someone pointed out that New York is "The City That Never Sleeps", not Vegas. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 11:01

One law for me, one law for thee

Today, my boyfriend said he wants a poly relationship. He said he wants to sleep with other people, but I can't in case I get feelings for them. Thats not what poly means, dude. FML

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By abutorac951 - 16/3/2020 16:48

Panic! At the Costco

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

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By Congrats to me - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

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By Anonymous

Keep in touch

Today on my birthday, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get matching tattoos. Our tattoo artist happened to be her ex-boyfriend. I sat and listened to them talk about their relationship and how they should stay in touch. FML

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By stupid me - 28/10/2020 06:02 - Israel

Freudian slip

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

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By fml1977 - United States

Honest

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bucyrus

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

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By prince232 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML

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By Anonymous - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Madison

Today, after countless nights spent together and flirty texts, I decided ask my crush on a date while at a party. We went on a walk and held hands. Just as I asked him, he said no, let go of my hand and briskly walked away. He was my ride home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

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By an egg - United States - Livonia

Today, when I went out to get some groceries with my mother, a small girl came up to me and said I was an "ugly egg" because I'm a bald girl. I had to shave my head in order to have brain surgery to relieve me of the symptoms of my neurological disorder. FML

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By GotMyBitchBack - United States - Zanesville

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

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Top comments

By Gwengreen | 6

#7485436 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 6:24

You should ask for the recipe for their *amazing* meatloaf and see their reaction.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7485311 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:39

That must be some badass meatloaf!

1. Your in-laws loved it so much they stole it.
2. They decided to share it with you.
3. You won’t have it for lunch.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7485311 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:39

That must be some badass meatloaf!

1. Your in-laws loved it so much they stole it.
2. They decided to share it with you.
3. You won’t have it for lunch.

Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad!

By rivenrock | 14

#7485318 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 4:44

So interested to know what they said when you asked them about it. And if you didn't ask them, YDI.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7486293 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 17:20

"This is really good meatloaf! You just HAVE to tell me how you made it!"

By Gwengreen | 6

#7485436 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 6:24

You should ask for the recipe for their *amazing* meatloaf and see their reaction.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7485506 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:28

Well that is one way to meat the parents.

Reply

J352SAURUS | 30

#7485544 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:59

Get a loaf of this guy. So punny and original!

Reply

Cali | 54

#7488398 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 19:48

So punny! I loaf you guys.

By J352SAURUS | 30

#7485542 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 7:58

So... they have no problem stealing from you and then inviting you over and deliberately serving your meatloaf for dinner so you can clearly see their theft? What are they thinking? Are they stupid? Have they no shame? What does your SO think? That's messed up!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7485846 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 11:51

Tell then it taste awful and bad. Give them pointers on how to make a better meat loaf. At some point they will get pissed enough and blab they stole it from you and they didn't make it. You = win

By bigtwobah | 6

#7485910 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 12:42

Did they run from the fridge like a bat out of hell?

Reply

egnur_mas | 19

#7485993 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 13:45

I can't believe it took this long for one of these jokes :,)

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7486250 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 16:49

"I can't believe it took this long for one of these jokes :,)"

Dude! My first comment is a Meat Loaf reference!

Reply

species4872 | 19

#7486455 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 19:16

Yeah I think the reference was a little too subtle Richard.

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7486515 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 20:04

You took the words right out of my mouth!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7486041 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 14:28

"So how's the meatloaf?"
"It tastes stolen."

By HappyItalian | 38

#7486380 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 18:18

Of all things to steal, they steal food? And meatloaf at that? Tsk. Shoulda went with the cake.

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7486633 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 21:22

The cake is a lie!

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7486915 - Wednesday 12 July 2017 0:45

Meat loaf, double beat loaf. I hate meat loaf!

By Talented73 | 54

#7486402 - Tuesday 11 July 2017 18:32

Don't let yer meat loaf