Miscellaneous: Today, I went to Jack in The Box to grab a quick hamburger. I... - FML

By Caleb - United States - Cedar Park

Today, I went to Jack in The Box to grab a quick hamburger. I was in a hurry, so I didn't check my order. By the time I opened the bag, I was really hungry. Unfortunately, the burger looked like a 5-year-old wrapped it, and the burger looked bitten into. FML

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Taking stock

Classic

Hot lava from both ends

By Ezzie

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2020 02:01

Sounds like a catch

Today, I accidentally got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years and now I’m 4 months pregnant, single and we don’t even talk anymore. The best part is that he doesn’t believe I’m pregnant, nor that it’s his. FML

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By yankeebelle - United States

OK Stephanie, whatever

Today, a co-worker superior to me called me "Stephanie" yet again. My name is Ashley. I politely informed her that my name is Ashley and subtly pointed to my work ID. Later, I get called into my supervisor's office. I got written up for correcting someone of higher status than me. FML

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By "refines"

Today, I woke up to my living room covered in 8 cm of water. My $2k computer was on that floor. FML

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By Srain - Australia

Today, feeling confident, I asked my boyfriend what he thought of my new body, since I had lost 16 kilos over the past month. He told me that he missed the old me and wanted me to gain weight again. My boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to lose weight in the first place. FML

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By handlin - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

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By Syferix - United States

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

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By jesushelpme - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By TheHatedOne - Qatar

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

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By gaggin - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

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By PuppyPeeTimee. - United Kingdom

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

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By emzymcsmiles

Bye bye, then

Today, I learnt that I can't share my things with other people. This includes my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML

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By dancer, not a hooker... - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

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By jackelking - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

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By SamAaron502 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I woke up at 3a.m. to get ready for a "fun work retreat". After driving 2 hours to the site, I find that nobody is there. After about half an hour standing there freezing, I get an email from my boss, telling me that "It's canceled due to bad weather". FML

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By J Rush - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML

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By banana - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

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By nadette - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML

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By really?!? - United States - Wendell

Today, I was driving my 9 month pregnant sister around in our golf cart and it died. I had to push it the rest of the way home. She wouldn't stop faking going into labor. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. The only person who remembered was the creepy guy in my English class who keeps trying to smell my hair. FML

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By omfgitburns

Today, I had a plaster cast removed from my arm. After telling the nurse it felt like the saw was cutting my skin, she tells me there is no way that it could touch my skin and that I was being paranoid. She cracked open the cast. Burns, blisters and bleeding skin were revealed. FML

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By justme - United States - Alliance

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

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By Jedi2500 - United States

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

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By The hopeful

Today, my ex-boyfriend called me. I was really excited, thinking he wanted to get back together. He just wanted to get back the Christmas present he gave me before we broke up so that he could return it for cash. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my six year old daughter discovered the family's pet rabbit in the basement freezer. The rabbit had died almost a year ago, and we'd stored it in the freezer, intending to bury it later. Here's to the trauma of losing the family pet. Twice. FML

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By NoBalls - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML

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By thanks guys

Today, I’ve been suffering with a fever of 104° as well as an ear and sinus infection. I asked my mom and sister if they could get me meds and fluids from the store. I sent them money through my bank app for the supplies. They took my money and went to lunch instead. I’m still sick as a dog. FML

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By cunting cunts - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

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By BrokeAF

Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my brand new iPod Touch outside. There had been a drought for the past 3 weeks. Not anymore. FML

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By bshoemaker45601 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

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By Mary

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boiler packed up on me just as the weather has turned cold, with no money to have it fixed. Hello to a week of freezing cold showers. FML

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Top comments

By URBeingLied2 | 23

#7408178 - Friday 10 February 2017 20:37

That burger reminds me of my grandpa's forehead.

By Akitakat | 31

#7407946 - Friday 10 February 2017 13:30

No pic

COMMENTS

By UltimateBob | 11

#7407378 - Thursday 9 February 2017 17:21

I can't blame you for not checking, but unless you took a long time to go get your order I don't understand how someone took a bite out of it unless it was an employee, who would've wrapped it better. FYL

Reply

ajk168 | 22

#7408087 - Friday 10 February 2017 17:56

Lmao wrong section buddy

By Akitakat | 31

#7407946 - Friday 10 February 2017 13:30

No pic

By URBeingLied2 | 23

#7408178 - Friday 10 February 2017 20:37

That burger reminds me of my grandpa's forehead.

By Xcizer | 17

#7408182 - Friday 10 February 2017 20:42

Word

By sasquatchius | 3

#7408520 - Saturday 11 February 2017 12:35

Honestly it's not fast food if it doesn't have bodily fluids from the employees in it.

By cstone12393 | 6

#7410334 - Tuesday 14 February 2017 18:18

These "caption the photo" FML's belong in the worst of the worst. They're always so stupid.

By cstone12393 | 6

#7410335 - Tuesday 14 February 2017 18:18

These "caption the photo" FML's belong in the worst of the worst. They're always so stupid.

By STFU01 | 14

#7411162 - Thursday 16 February 2017 5:25

YDI for eating at Jack in the Box, Ewwww!!

By jfsiv | 17

#7531765 - Sunday 20 August 2017 8:55

It's Jack in the box, so....