Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML
Today, I was very tense as I sat in the chair for my gyno appointment, so the doctor repeatedly told me to relax, in order for her to do the routine exam. I then overcompensated and relaxed so much, I accidentally farted in her face. FML
Today, my needle-phobic mother took me to get a shot. She fainted. FML
Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML
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Top comments
ScratchCatPower 32
Well, you couldn't help it. If she's an acupuncture doctor I'm sure she's dealt with it before. You'll survive.
Tripartita 45
As embarrassing as that sounds, I fear the worst is yet to come; you may have a rare condition called sitcom-itus. You've already exhibited an hilariously awkward foiled romantic attempt, so if you notice any of the following, I'd recommend contacting a doctor (or better screenwriter): problems that seem to solve themselves in half an hour, a diverse cast of archetypal friends, or an omnipresent studio audience.
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Comments (42)
mgr86 2
It was no "doctor" and acupuncture is all placebo. All you can gain from this is a viral infection... you basically allow some random person, whose only credentials are that she's Asian-looking, to stick you with needles. You'd probably get more health benefits if you went to a "happy ending included" type of massage parlor, especially if you get all drooly for Asian ladies.
BrandiLush 31
Wow. You sound stupid.
joy090 1
Sounds a lot worse for her... "Today I was just trying to do my job when a client tried to hit on me because I am cute and Korean, and then farted in my face."