Miscellaneous: Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute...

By Revelyn - United States - Compton

Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Child labor

By JessykaB - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets the same amount of entertainment out of tickling me and having sex with me, and he likes the tickling noises better. FML

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By DrunkenValor - United Kingdom

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

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By storyofmylife - Canada - Truro

Today, my boyfriend and I were hanging out when he suddenly said, "Do you know who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world?" I prepared myself for a cute compliment, until he showed me a picture of another girl. FML

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By GeofftyGeoff

Today, my former boss, a landlord, came through on his "parting gift" to me. I thought he was joking when he said he'd send a deranged tenant of ours cross-country by bus to stay with me for a week. It wasn't a joke. Send help. FML

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By maddie - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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By Minecraftwhyyy - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML

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By confused - 12/6/2020 02:06

Can't win

Today, I was told by my wife that she was moving in with her mother, because I was causing her to have panic attacks. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs a few months to herself. I have given her her way for most of our marriage. FML

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By His name is now "Cunt" in my phone

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

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By Anonymous

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

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By flymetothemoon

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, as my dad and I were leaving a store, a man asked us if we could donate to an Alzheimer's fund. My dad hates being asked for money, and so he immediately hunched over and acted like a dirty, senile old man all the way to the car. FML

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By he's a dawk, and a cunt - Australia - Darling Point

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

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By GlueAndCarrots - Canada - Markham

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marlboro

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

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By Evelyn - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

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By fuck you dad - Ireland - Carrickmacross

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

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By Jade - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in front of an entire street of people. We've only been dating for a week. One of the women in the crowd then called me heartless and threw a hamburger at me when I turned him down. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

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By Steven, Customer Service - United States - Dover Plains

"Hey, where the white women at?"

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

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By 404: sense not found - United States - San Francisco

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

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By Courtney - United States

Today, at my job as a teacher, I saw a student cut another student's hair, I stopped a group of students from eating glue, and I had to tell a student to put away the toy cars he was playing with. I teach high school math. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

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By Angry and Confused - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

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By whoneedsloveanyway - 21/6/2020 02:01

Swindler's List

Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML

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By heartless - Canada

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

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By Nicole - United States

Today, I discovered my mom had sold all of our summer clothes over the winter on eBay because we're short on cash. However, I am allowed to cut off the sleeves of all my long sleeve shirts and the legs off my jeans to stay cool in the summer. Nothing's more attractive than looking trashy, right? FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 08:08

Double standards

Today, the friend who I'm crushing on but doesn't like me like that back said she wants us to keep our distance AND got angry because I told her I joined a dating app. Now she thinks I lied about my feelings. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

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By tinygirl

Today, it's official, we measured. My boyfriend's manboobs are bigger than my breasts. FML

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By RotoRooter - United States

Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

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Top comments

By ScratchCatPower | 32

#6620949 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:04

Well, you couldn't help it. If she's an acupuncture doctor I'm sure she's dealt with it before.

You'll survive.

By Tripartita | 44

#6620963 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:43

As embarrassing as that sounds, I fear the worst is yet to come; you may have a rare condition called sitcom-itus. You've already exhibited an hilariously awkward foiled romantic attempt, so if you notice any of the following, I'd recommend contacting a doctor (or better screenwriter): problems that seem to solve themselves in half an hour, a diverse cast of archetypal friends, or an omnipresent studio audience.

COMMENTS

By domolovesyoshi | 33

#6620939 - Saturday 4 June 2016 15:47

That's embarrassing I'm sorry this happened

By Liyuesigs | 8

#6620941 - Saturday 4 June 2016 15:51

Well, that's part of the conversation.

By ScratchCatPower | 32

#6620949 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:04

Well, you couldn't help it. If she's an acupuncture doctor I'm sure she's dealt with it before.

You'll survive.

vikky538 | 28

#6621046 - Saturday 4 June 2016 20:08

The question is whether she could survive with one OP set loose!

ScratchCatPower | 32

#6621783 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:28

Ha! Good one.

andrmac | 25

#6621804 - Sunday 5 June 2016 19:48

Well it's kinda her fault. She's the one that poked you in the tail bone with an acupuncture needle that caused you to lose control and fart. Maybe she did it intensionally so you'd be embarrassed and stop talking. Never know!

By AlittleSanity | 11

#6620953 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:19

Well ... that stinks

By Tripartita | 44

#6620963 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:43

DankNissan | 11

#6621070 - Saturday 4 June 2016 20:29

I am starting to see you on every FML with medical jokes that consistently get less funny.

Seriously, you're trying too hard.

DankNissan | 11

#6621071 - Saturday 4 June 2016 20:29

I am starting to see you on every FML with medical jokes that consistently get less funny.

Seriously, you're trying too hard.

Tripartita | 44

#6621097 - Saturday 4 June 2016 20:52

You're entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to wonder why you think I'd give a fuck about it.

katachristic | 19

#6621103 - Saturday 4 June 2016 21:00

#21, what are you talking about, that was hilarious

PePziNL | 20

#6621302 - Sunday 5 June 2016 2:22

Dont mind #21, he has an enormous needle up his ass.

james_logan | 19

#6621377 - Sunday 5 June 2016 4:53

#21, Jealousy can be a cruel mistress...

By marko1596 | 23

#6620964 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:43

This is so fake lol sorry not buying this shit

By ThatHorse | 15

#6620967 - Saturday 4 June 2016 16:56

Well I guess you punctuated that conversation quite horribly.

By derpyshy | 16

#6620973 - Saturday 4 June 2016 17:12

I tried acupuncture after suffering a fall and messing up my hand. The nerve/muscle spasms kept causing me to unwittingly flip the bird. Thankfully, the acupuncturist thought it as funny as hell.