Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box saying, "Love, mom." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML
Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML
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Top comments
Stupoopy 0
You should go to your mom in two weeks and be like "MOM I THINK THE CONDOMS I HAD DIDN'T WORK! NOW IM PREGNANT!" and then we'll see who's laughing.
curious_missy 1
bill her for the replacement condom! Also write Love, Your Safe Daughter
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Comments (267)
ifeedhobos 0
mash up all her menopause pills with those damn jesus pins.
arms_akimbo 0
@ #54 says who? :P
davidtheday 0
Just tell her you skipped the condoms since they were pointless and was forced to get an abortion instead. A young person can't take care of a baby, right? WWJD...
yay_fml 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA that is utterly amazing. I hope you get knocked up, and you can ask if she has any Jesus Hangers :D
yay_fml 0
Well I don't hope you actually get knocked up, I just want you to use the phrase "Jesus Hanger" haha.
JustCallMeCloud 0
Tell her that the Jesus pin will go perfectly with your baby your going to have.
Capybara 0
Her house her rules, I suppose.
Rollercoaster_fml 0
As #3 and #15 said. Your mother doesn't have a brain. Even if she doesn't want you to have sex... she can't really stop that...so what is the point of destroying the condoms? To make you pregnant and more vullnerable to the inconsistencies of religion?
quiksta 0
tell your mom to stop being delusional and admit to herself that the big man in the clouds is not real. then get pregnant and tell her that you didn't realize the pins would do anything and you thought she was blessing your condoms.
yayme 0
umm.. this begs the question= y do you have more than 1 condom in your room? i would be worried if i was your boyfriend