Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, someone rang my doorbell. The moment I opened the door, a smell not unlike a cascading torrent of rotting flesh and urine hit my nostrils. I stood there for an eternity as a homeless man leaned on my door and desperately tried to convince me to buy an array of scrap metal from him. FML
Today, I got asked to a BBQ by new friend. I walked in, and to my horror she's a hoarder. The house was packed wall to wall and everything was covered in thick layers of dust and dog hair. Her dogs were filthy and untrained. They snatched food off the counters while she laughed and kept cooking. FML
Today, I came home from putting my 18 year-old cat to sleep to find 3 months worth of prescription food, medication and cat litter on my porch. It isn't returnable. FML
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
Today, I was literally taking care of my coworker's garbage. Piss was dumped on me as I lifted the Herbie Kirby to the larger dumpster. What the fuck, people? Don’t literally leave your waste for others to take care of. FML
Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML
Today, while delivering an Amazon package, I arrived to this one house where the man was outside, so I just handed it to him. As he was reaching for it, his robe popped open. Twice. He was wearing nothing but the robe, and he was your typical fat, hairy, 40-year-old man. My poor eyes. FML
Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML
Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
The tip he'd offer you is probably not the one you want. Or, maybe you would. I don't judge.
samomaha 17
You should call the authorities on this house. They can, and often do, shut down hoarder homes like this as being unfit for habitation or dangers to the neighborhood. Call the police and tell them what you posted here.
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Comments (8)
Robert Cruikshank 7
Next time he calls in an order, tell him you do not feel safe going to that house. It’s true. Then refuse the order.
jbuckets_404 39
Next time, tell him to pay the tip FIRST before handing over the order. Also, tell every customer who calls in that the tip up front is 10% along with payment (if your boss allows it). No sense in being suckered by those who DGAF! F*CK 'em!!!
bloopaloop 27
Yes. Tell your customers that. That’ll work really well...
RichardPencil 32
The tip he'd offer you is probably not the one you want. Or, maybe you would. I don't judge.
samomaha 17
You should call the authorities on this house. They can, and often do, shut down hoarder homes like this as being unfit for habitation or dangers to the neighborhood. Call the police and tell them what you posted here.
Todd Klopfer 11
Would you really want to take anything out of that house including a tip?
Itsheragain 9
i gagged reading this😫