Today, I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. A man stopped... - FML

By GeriGeriBoBeri - 28/12/2011 08:59 - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. A man stopped to help me with a wire hanger. After about 20 min in the freezing weather, he was getting close to unlocking it when I looked over at the passenger door to see that it was unlocked. All the doors were unlocked but the driver's side. FML

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Proactive

Does it taste good?

Great boyfriend

By Godmish - 2/1/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend saying: "Do you remember last time we slept together?", I answer straight away "Of course I do, it was great!". To which she replies: "I hope you made the most of it: it was the last". FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2012 22:20 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML

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By my name is sarah - 21/1/2016 03:48 - United States - Midland

Today, my mom called me by her favorite TV show character's name. Again. This is the eighth time this week. I'm an only child, and I'm 15. I thought she had my name down pat by now. FML

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By fourfootnine - 7/3/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML

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By skigal24 - 30/5/2011 14:59 - United States

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

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By flea-bitten - 6/4/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

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By machismo - 13/1/2012 18:16 - United States

Today, in preparation for proposing to my girlfriend, I borrowed one of her rings, so I could discreetly get her ring size. Not only have I now lost the ring, which turns out to be a keepsake of her dead grandmother, I still don't know her ring size. FML

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By FaceTime issues - 6/4/2014 06:57 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I called my mom to ask for some help with my dishwasher. Somehow, the call got turned into a video call. I was wearing a bathrobe, and she was naked in her bathroom. Most awkward call ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2019 16:00

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

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By hopeless - 8/4/2011 15:03

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

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By ash - 25/8/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2013 04:23 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

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By BrianP - 7/7/2009 17:00 - Netherlands

Today, I came home to found all of my belongings out on the street. My roommate, who is also my brother, apparantly neglected to pay his part of the rent, and we got evicted. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 07:45 - India - Kolkata

Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2012 04:46 - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

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By Goatczar - 29/4/2015 14:49 - United States - Orem

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

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By Baconcook3000 - 23/7/2011 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I put 7 kisses at the end of a text instead of 10. She said that our relationship was bound to fail if "I can't remember important things like that". FML

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By MissYouPieceOfSkin - 27/11/2013 08:44 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

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By allyshah - 20/2/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2016 01:46 - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

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By JustMyLuck - 12/2/2010 14:14 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to sleep over at his house. Then he found out that it was that time of the month for me, so he told me that he had to work this weekend and said "see you sometime next week." He doesn't have a job. FML

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By PanFace - 13/10/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

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By Halloweenie - 16/10/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2010 00:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

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By hurikan68 - 27/7/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

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By bxjxj - 22/12/2014 18:40 - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 06:26 - United States

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

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By what even - 14/5/2015 22:17 - United States - Athens

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

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By wvugirl - 19/4/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML

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By mmv - 18/9/2009 00:02 - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 10:18 - Australia

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

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By Anonymouse - 7/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

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By shaunaaa - 17/2/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

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By Jetlagged - 3/6/2017 22:00

Today, I'm stuck at the airport overnight, because my phone didn't update its time zone after flying in, so I watched my train leave, thinking mine wasn't due for another hour. FML

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By Poor Student - 5/12/2011 22:30 - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

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By totalloss - 1/4/2012 16:15 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I had to sit between my parents in the car as they argued with one another for a whole hour over whether or not a thumb is a finger. FML

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By pathetic - 6/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

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By moonbears - 22/10/2015 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

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By unknown - 9/11/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's whole family. Between them they had about 10 teeth. FML

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Top comments

By flockz | 19

#3799641 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

your car just trolled you hard.

By Darklord53 | 0

#3799630 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:47

Dumbass....smh

Comments

By Darklord53 | 0

#3799630 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:47

Dumbass....smh

Reply

nonelikeworms | 0

#3799688 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:54

Amen brother

Reply

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#3799717 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 19:03

Atleast you didn't call AAA. That would've been 10x embarrassing.

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3799780 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 19:33

How did you lock only your driver-side door and nothing else? Moreover why would that have solved anything? The only person it probably would have deterred was you. XD

Reply

dmmcintyre3 | 8

#3799872 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:16

#32: if you manually lock a car door it won't lock the rest of the car.

Reply

gojira666 | 7

#3799879 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:19

Ur mom shouldve been the one to use the hanger

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3799883 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:20

47- OP shouldn't be driving if he or she can't even remember locking only that door.

Reply

eyeIoveyou | 4

#3800033 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:25

#49 "it happens to the best of us" lol

Reply

NAAMxLOOS | 11

#3800284 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 22:40

#32 And it did deter OP

Reply

hilary56 | 0

#3801072 - Thursday 29 December 2011 3:03

Lol!!! :))

Reply

MIAMIDJ | 0

#3801182 - Thursday 29 December 2011 3:46

In my car if you just lock the drivers door all the doors will lock so I get his point

Reply

dirtraceramerica | 0

#3803079 - Thursday 29 December 2011 13:22

lmao #48

Reply

kronick_fml | 0

#3803271 - Thursday 29 December 2011 15:14

Bravo^^^

By starsfan_9 | 7

#3799632 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:47

Facepalm

Reply

Eggers | 2

#3799860 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:11

hope you compensated that poor bastard with cash and bjs

Reply

mango260 | 9

#3800983 - Thursday 29 December 2011 2:25

Smart

By Thekylekk | 3

#3799639 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:47

wow we got Einstein over here

Reply

You_Need_Soap | 6

#3805417 - Friday 30 December 2011 0:11

And Einstein helping Einstein!

By flockz | 19

#3799641 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

your car just trolled you hard.

Reply

OMGIFOUNDWALDO | 6

#3802813 - Thursday 29 December 2011 10:47

I blame women driving. Must be. A stranger wouldn't help a non-women on a shitty weather. Henceforth, I declare that the car wasn't trolling but that the women had only a case of out-of-the-kitchen disyness which lead to the situation.

By Kbhammer77 | 4

#3799642 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

atleast he was helpin you

By Annebear | 6

#3799644 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

Sucks for you :/

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#3801813 - Thursday 29 December 2011 7:53

Sucks for the guy trying to be nice. OP deserves it. Come on who wouldn't check the other doors?

Reply

phatdaddy62 | 23

#3808792 - Friday 30 December 2011 21:51

The guy helping OP . . .

By thomaskate28 | 0

#3799646 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

Looks like the drivers side of your brain is locked also.

By that1skaterxX | 0

#3799648 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

Pineapples : D

By RagingWill | 17

#3799649 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

Well, common sense says check ALL the doors, so YDI.

Reply

xcassiecassx | 8

#3806007 - Friday 30 December 2011 3:25

AND there was a guy helping them. He didn't even check either.

By Nekogami | 14

#3799651 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:48

Derp. That sucks. You deserve it. But that doesn't mean it wasn't a pain in the ass. Good lesson though. From now on check all doors!

Reply

tmaq973 | 7

#3800095 - Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:50

First comment gets shot down, it's okay though... That is FML for you

Reply

Nekogami | 14

#3803899 - Thursday 29 December 2011 17:51

Lol. I'm not worried at all! I do believe there's a saying : " haters gonna hate." Anyhow, I was amused to see that people read it, regardless of getting thumbed down.