Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I walked into my bedroom to find my boyfriend clipping his toe nails into my pillow case. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I witnessed my husband hocking a loogie into his hand, then throwing it into the trash can and continuing to make our sandwiches. FML
Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
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Top comments
darienlake 0
hahaha. you should have gone back in and started a conversation while casually using the scissors to cut your pubic hairs and see what he does
RipIt 0
YDI for smoking! naaah just kidding, that's gross!
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Comments (235)
jillz 0
/vomit Just wait till you see him use the dishrag to wipe his nose and put it back. Or wait till you find his booger collection. Men really are disgusting. They are like overgrown boys and any woman they end up with just ends up doing all the things their mom did for them and then some. Haha!
theschweigert 0
way to be a sexist asshat you dumb bitch
xCrackerx 3
What is with all the spiteful women tonight? Did the Feminazis decide to invade FML? Or does this site just have a large collection of women who feel the need to talk shit about men to compensate for their own inadequacies?
MXavierT 0
85 just won an internets
jillz 0
xCrackerx, it might be a combination of both. /shrug We all have our days. If you think this is bad, try doing a bit of ChaCha guiding in your spare time. I really enjoy your comments. :D Sincerely, Jill Newly Resident Feminazi
fububc 0
oh come on....
acmf48 0
you totally deserve it for smoking, that's disgusting, much worse than him cutting his toenails w ur scissors!!!!
youthink_fml 0
I agree. The smoking is just as gross, especially before dinner. You deserve each other. Keeps you both out of the dating pool.
youthink_fml 0
And you ladies are just as gross. I saw a pregnant friend, after her water broke, take the dish rag and wipe it up off the floor then put it back on the sink.
saaaammmmm 0
I imagine she was more interested in going to the hospital than doing a load of laundry. I'm no biologist but I would bet on amniotic fluid being more microbe-free than a dish rag.
fububc 0
that is appalling and sick! not all are like that
hippy_lady 4
This is just nasty
killabee 0
Eh, I bet you've done worse. TP's out, wipe your ass on his towel?? Don't lie.
OGReaper 2
wth do you use cooking scissors for if not cutting your nails.
Lattenkiste 0
cutting ******* pizza, etc. Anything you can cut with a knife but would be easier with scissors
ipwnallmen 10
wow... these comments... wont b too long before comments are deactivated. guys, chill out a bit. this isnt an anti-smoking forum....
Daerauko 0
As if your mouth hasn't been on more disgusting parts of his body( I'll leave the imagining to you)
fububc 0
lol, he takes a shower first
aback 5
Start using them solely to cut his sandwiches. In front of him.
nolimits 0
^^ WIN! :)
deng314 0
Thats exactly what I was thinking when I read it. Fix him a sandwich, serve it to him, then stop him before he takes a bite to get the scissors and cut it for him. Sweet revenge and an excuse to buy some new ones!