Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died, but I thought for a few seconds that the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML
Today, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, my dad came into my room, looked at my laptop, and said he could hear the porn I was watching all the way from his room. I wasn't watching porn. We soon realised it was actually coming from his mobile phone. FML
Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML
Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, I stopped using porn by blocking it on my phone and laptop. Only problem is I still get off without it. FML
Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML
Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
It gets easier and more morally desensitising after a few faps. Just wear a tin foil hat on both heads.
booze_n_bitches 37
I normally just hire a few exotic dancers to come over every time I wank. Or ask them to come up from the basement for ten minutes. Less of this "technology" malarkey.
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Comments (70)
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well if you're a christian then you should be aware that god is always watching you too, not just the government.
JmarChanology 20
Well... Glad I am not a a Christian
Dave_Davington 35
Well, if God's going to watch me burp the worm, the least he can do is give me a hand. Particularly towards the end when my arm starts to get tired. I mean, it's common courtesy, really.
ThrottleJockey 36
Burp the worm? That's a new one for me.
Lalala579121 28
They just want you to think your phone died.
heart_aussie_fml 20
What kind of **** are you watching to be worried about the government busting you?!
aussie99 3
yes..... your government definitely isn't watching you...........
buckdharma 38
Big brother here. You're doing it wrong.
interesting33 37
As long as it is not illegal stuff, like child **** or with ppl who haven't consented to the act or the video being distributed, then I doubt they care :)
PinkGlitterBunny 8
**********, child ****, smut or rape scenes are pretty much only the illegal ones. lol
fuckidontknow98 10
Smut isn't illegal...
One_Way 43
********** is also still legal in some states. However, Virginia is not one of them.
Mechazilla2 15
Whether your phone shut off or not, you would have found yourself in a pretty sticky situation.
cheshirecat13242 32
What kind of **** does one watch that would invoke fear of government monitoring...?
sstahpp 33
I have a huge fear that someone can look at me through the front camera of my phone :/ I always have a sticker on there.
ThrottleJockey 36
Don't worry, the audio still comes on clear as a bell. ;-)
sstahpp 33
Haha thanks that made me feel much better!