Health: Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a...

By asstomouth - 29/05/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 139

You deserved it 9 642

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 18/09/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 590

You deserved it 5 586

By egged - 08/07/2014 01:41 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I have a really high fever and my sister thought I was hot enough to fry an egg on. So I'm lying in bed now, still terribly feverish, but smelling of the egg she cracked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 345

You deserved it 3 653

Clusterfuck

By Alexis - 18/08/2021 00:00

Today, I went to the doctor's office to get my yearly check up. Soon after I got home, I threw up and somehow had a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 90

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 160

You deserved it 13 650

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 04:56 - United States - Medina

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 657

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 735

You deserved it 4 262

By Anonymous - 20/06/2019 12:41

Today, just a day prior to my vacation starting, I learned that my five-day "seasonal fever" is actually due to a blood infection from a bacteria. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 122

I've had enough

By bcoper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 726

You deserved it 3 337

Bad day

By Anonymous - 08/04/2026 22:00 - Canada

Today, I’m a nurse on a 12-hour shift and finally got a 5-minute break to inhale a yogurt. I absentmindedly grabbed what I thought was my spoon from my pocket. It was actually a thermometer cover. A patient watched me freeze mid-bite, slowly process my mistake, and then whispered, “Rough day?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 81

Good boy

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 15:00

Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 111

yatoast 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 1:04

******* VOM... I'm a nurse and that's just gross!!!!

Freeze_fml 16

Sunday 30 May 2010 1:06

Rectal thermometers? Don't even want to know.

Comments

blue_eyes4602 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 6:41

that's so gross. eewwww

Shystai 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 7:29

Lmao. Rectal thermometer, 

drunkssssssssss 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 8:00

haha lmao does your face look like your ass

love21_fml 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 8:25

yes you can tell the difference. rectal thermometers have a rounded red tip. while oral have a blue tip. and armpit is the most unacurate temp reading. you should try something else.