Kids, School and Dad jokes: Dad joke number 287474

Dad joke number 287474

By HunkyFez - 28/08/2020 08:06 - Australia

Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 251

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Same thing different taste

By sadlife - 09/07/2009 18:50 - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 307

You deserved it 66 505

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 708

You deserved it 5 247

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 04:09

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 793

You deserved it 1 314

Well played

By FUCK THE PIGS - 26/01/2013 20:44 - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 548

You deserved it 4 173

By Anonymous - 21/06/2012 14:52 - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 252

You deserved it 7 798

By sheisselluv - 11/05/2014 20:30 - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 349

You deserved it 4 200

By huwauw - 17/09/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 979

You deserved it 7 319

I told you so

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my parents brought home lunch from a shady grocery store deli. They mused about how hard I am to feed because I turned it down; the last time I ate anything from there, it gave me botulism, and it tastes horrible anyway. They both got sick. Now I'm playing nurse to both. No apologies yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 65

By freakingout - 04/09/2012 21:55 - United States - Roslyn

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 996

You deserved it 4 616

Hungry

By The gay child - 09/05/2018 19:00

Today, a discussion with my father about what to have for lunch turned into a linguistics lesson, then a bible story, followed by religious anti-gay propaganda, and finally a brief discussion on why my brother would make a terrible military dictator. I still haven't gotten anything for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 948

You deserved it 448

namine120409 42

Friday 28 August 2020 8:30

I mean, you didn’t HAVE to eat it.

Joshawott 21

Friday 28 August 2020 13:44

Should have video called him and ate it while maintaining eye contact.

Comments

namine120409 42

Friday 28 August 2020 8:30

I mean, you didn’t HAVE to eat it.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 28 August 2020 17:20

Or he could have gone all mohel and Lorena Bobbitt on it and ate it in little pieces.

JackFaire 27

Friday 28 August 2020 22:55

Oooh please tell me this miracle diet where one doesn't actually need food

BurnInDemonFire 33

Sunday 30 August 2020 5:59

Idiot... OP can go without one meal if they wanted to. Although Pencil makes sense regarding breaking it apart to eat it. I could have done without the Lorena Bobbitt visual, however.