Today, my little brother put a battery to my tongue while I was sleeping with my mouth open. The shock found its way right to my metal filling. FML

Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML

Worst hangover ever

Today, while I was drunk, my brother decided to use pliers to pull out my bad tooth. He grabbed the wrong tooth, and when it didn’t pop out cleanly he decided he just needed to squeeze harder, and crushed the healthy tooth into splinters. I can feel the nerve with my tongue, it’s agony. FML

Today, I burned my tongue. With a flat iron. FML

Did it taste good at least?

Today, I popped something straight out of the oven into my mouth. It burned my tongue instantly, but instead of spitting it out, I swallowed. I felt it burning all the way down. Now I can’t eat solid food or drink hot drinks. FML

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

Hangry dude

Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML

For science

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML