Animals: Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry...

By Isabelle18 - 19/07/2009 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 313

You deserved it 29 493

Animals

Empathy lives

Vulture

Real life

By fmlgrl - 30/07/2012 06:59 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 678

You deserved it 26 966

By Anonymous - 28/07/2014 02:48 - United States - Fresno

Today, I watched a manager and a co-worker sit underneath a table in our store all day as I got yelled at for not working hard enough. I was the only one actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 437

You deserved it 2 783

By Anonymous - 13/10/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 498

You deserved it 2 250

By IbetIgotAIDS - 12/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 545

You deserved it 15 194

By Anonymous - 21/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 191

You deserved it 219

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 409

You deserved it 4 607

By badluckryan - 25/09/2012 13:38 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 454

You deserved it 2 929

By Partyofthree - 06/06/2017 00:00

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 273

You deserved it 1 073

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 4 102

By Imaginary girlfriend - 21/09/2009 04:16 - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 679

You deserved it 5 843

It's the final countdown

By Anonymous - 08/06/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out my mom has notebooks with lists of everything she has bought for me ever since I was born. Apparently she is going to make me pay her back for all the money she spent on me once I'm an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 463

You deserved it 3 861

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 109

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, as a priest, I was invited to the home of a lady who claimed that the face of Jesus had appeared to her. She took me upstairs to her bathroom and... it was poo. She genuinely thought she could see Jesus in the poo sitting in her toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 191

You deserved it 336

By wow @ creepy fuckers - 17/11/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 010

You deserved it 6 124

By anonymous - 17/03/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 999

You deserved it 4 070

By snorlax - 20/01/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 668

You deserved it 8 328

By Madzison - 06/02/2012 10:08 - Australia

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 941

You deserved it 4 675

By vitalcheese - 20/05/2009 19:12 - United States

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 057

You deserved it 8 182

On Target, almost

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was walking through Target when I was pulled aside by a very attractive girl who began kissing me. She stopped, because I wasn't who she thought I was. Disappointed, I turned around to see her very angry, very large boyfriend behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 166

By youngblood - 20/06/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 4 791

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that I'd left my clothes in my roommate's bedroom. After returning from a night of heavy drinking, I apparently got up to use the bathroom and used her room as a toilet. I don't remember this, but pee stains don't lie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 304

You deserved it 30 241

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 887

You deserved it 3 769

By ILoveFML - 29/08/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 840

You deserved it 7 703

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 23:39 - United States

Today, I was seated, once again, at the "too small" children's table. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 3 219

By Typrokka - 22/10/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to drop the garbage in the compactor as I left to do some shopping. I quickly put my handbag down on the side, threw the 'garbage' in the machine, watched it do its thing, and then turned round to find... the bag of garbage on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 123

You deserved it 32 124

Do as you're told

By ugh1234 - 21/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was demoted at work to a much harder and more time-consuming position because, I quote, "You have more experience." My boss is now telling the others I volunteered to be moved to the lower position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 61

By Tall Oaf - 14/07/2018 01:30

Today, my ex of 2 months, who I'm on good terms with, posted an Instagram photo with her new boyfriend, captioned "Love you babe, 4 months have never been sweeter." I've never been good at math, but 4 seems bigger than 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 167

You deserved it 276

Smash the patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 14:00 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend, trying to prove to him that I was stronger. I did. He started crying. He then broke up with me because he couldn't be in a relationship in which his girlfriend was stronger than him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 429

By Red - 04/12/2014 16:31

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 620

You deserved it 14 971

By TheyObjectToTheUnholyUnion - 29/01/2016 12:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, I received yet another letter from a relative bitching me out for not involving my parents in my wedding. The parents who showed no interest in our relationship and then yelled at my fiancé and me when we announced it to them, calling us stupid, naive, heathens, and mentally ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 973

You deserved it 1 724

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 13:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 9 969

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 039

You deserved it 2 741

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 6 525

Frustrating!

By horny I’m so horny - 15/04/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, we’ve been unable to have sex for months due to my boyfriend’s health issues. I would never EVER cheat on him; however my unconscious mind has other ideas. I’ve dreamt of kinky sex with everyone from the maintenance man to gettin' freaky with detective Stabler. I’m so horny I’m gonna burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 237

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 23/02/2020 01:00

Today, after suffering with anxiety and insomnia for a nearly a year and exhausting every natural remedy I could think of, I finally went to go to a doctor for help. Instead of writing me a prescription, he told me to drink more tea and think happy thoughts. I had to pay out of pocket for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 213

By IrNatalie - 02/06/2015 08:59 - United States - Laveen

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 624

You deserved it 1 880

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 979

You deserved it 7 079

By Money Shot - 15/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was sunbathing by my pool, totally naked. After a while I got a boner and decided to jerk off. As I was about to finish, I rolled over to cum on the deck, but when I rolled back, my elderly neighbor yelled, "Don't do that in the open if you won’t give up the money shot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 262

You deserved it 8 914

By RectalSteve - 10/09/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I showed my girlfriend some old home videos of me as a kid. My dad must have taped over one though, because halfway through it cut to extremely graphic footage of his colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 494

You deserved it 272

Assumptions

By Martin s - 08/05/2021 01:59 - United States - Manahawkin

Today, I saw the crazy meth guy, who randomly rolls up on you on his bike and tells you how he met Jesus, leading a little boy behind a church. After I made sure nothing weird was happening, I reported it to the police and posted a status to warn parents on Facebook, I found it was actually his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 864

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Top comments

shananigans 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:04

You were angry because someone left a can of pop on the ground? Lol. FYL about the hornets though, that sucks.

akiro525 3

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:06

if you were angry because some one left something on the floor, would you not pick it up and throw it in the bin than kick it? which isn't solving anything. YDI.

crackberrie 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:03

hahaha.. at least u got a good work out out of it

isaiaha11 2

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Monday 6 September 2010 4:27

agreed with1 and ydi for thinking that a "huge swarm "could fit into a soda can

louispro 0

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Friday 11 February 2011 11:41

lol, hornet and wasps are 2 different insects. hahaha, op is a joke!!

SeaMen 3

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Saturday 14 January 2012 8:07

so u got mad someone littered? instead of picking it up you....kicked it?

shananigans 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:04

You were angry because someone left a can of pop on the ground? Lol. FYL about the hornets though, that sucks.

junior2012 0

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Thursday 16 December 2010 5:47

hey shananigan's I'm going to get straight to the point and say that you are cute and that I would like to talk to you and see what happens from there. reply back if you are interested.

Calamity157 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:05

LOL!!! you shouldve ran inbetween people to see what wouldve happend

GmanG 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 21:43

haha :D yeah

shiznutmuffin 0

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Saturday 20 February 2010 6:44

#3 that's hilarious

Theos_fml 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:06

Hornets and wasps are two different things...Did you get chased by both?

isthisonetaken 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:29

i was wondering the same thing. love it when people can't get their story straight.

cthulhu1138 1

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Sunday 19 July 2009 21:58

Hornets are a type of wasp. Funny how people take the time to point out mistakes but can't be bothered to take the extra 10 seconds to make sure it's actually a mistake. There's Google and there's Wikipedia. Use them.

genius_man16 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 0:25

This thread is full of complete idiots. #1 Hornets are a type of wasp as cthulhu1138 pointed out. #2 Picking up the pop can would have been worse, seeing as it was full of wasps, so it's a good thing he didn't pick it up.

bclover2007 0

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:45

omg guys jesus, just shows what retarded people have access to the internet

akiro525 3

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:06

if you were angry because some one left something on the floor, would you not pick it up and throw it in the bin than kick it? which isn't solving anything. YDI.

shananigans 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:13

That's what I was thinking... Although in retrospect I guess it's a good thing he didn't pick it up.

LMAO_over_here 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:15

+1 YDI

KumoFF7 3

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Sunday 19 July 2009 23:44

i agree, why would you be mad at that anyway? YDI

fallingbricks 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 23:56

agreed

Unlucky_Gun 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 3:31

Yeah Op's gonna throw the can into the trash bin, jump into the trash bin and kick the can. Genius

failzisawesome 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:08

Hornets? Wasps? Make up your mind

JarJarBinks_fml 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:10

I somehow doubt they would chase you for a full 2km

lexiBRo 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:12

I agree...they would have caught him a lot sooner

Phillay632 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 21:47

I also doubt there was a "huge swarm" inside a pop can. I'd guess around maybe 20 or so max.

SuperSpore 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 1:28

Unless they crammed themselves in there, like a hornet bomb. O.O You never know.

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

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Sunday 19 July 2009 20:15

Hornets ≠ Wasps. Nn... I would be irritated too. Although I guess it's a good thing you didn't pick it up. You had no way of knowing they were living in there.