Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at a nightclub, a cute girl started hitting on me. I got into it and we danced. Just as she started getting frisky with me, a guy shoved me off, smacked me to the floor with a right-hook, and shouted, "That's what you get for touching my woman." FML
Today, while at my friend's house, she had to leave the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I had "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. Then he left. I'm a gay guy. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend outside a bar, when a hand on my shoulder yanked me back. I screamed and turned to see my husband glaring at me, with his best friend behind him, recording us on his phone. I'm fucked. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML
Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML
Today, I had to warn the decorator we hired to stop being inappropriate with my wife or I’d fire his ass. Turns out not only is he gay, like super gay with his husband on Facebook, he’s also my wife’s old college buddy. He started crying on our sofa and my wife hit me with her handbag. FML
Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
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Top comments
Ligerie 0
Is wife code for "penis"?
Plumppotato 3
did you tell him that?
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Comments (242)
crazyyy2468 0
HAHAHA dude...he was drunk and ydi for being gay!!!!!!!!!!
Lautaro 0
Die please.
bimmer09 0
i hope god kills all the filthy gay people in the world, ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND STEVE!!!!!
xcxcxcxc 0
That's a very weak argument. If you really believe in Adam and Eve (ie the 1st 2 people on earth), do you also think it's ok for brothers and sisters to sleep together? If not, how do you explain that Adam and Eve had grand-children then? Maybe it's simply because 'Adam & Eve' is just a religious myth which has nothing to do with reality...
o0ginger0o 7
God made murderers, rapists and pedophiles too. Does that mean that's how all people should be?
OhAnnie 0
Clearly no one is "perfect", if there is such a thing, but the difference is that murderers, rapists and pedophiles kill and cause pain to others, these people have allot of hate and are more like the people here that say "YDI for being gay" and "you should die for being gay" and so on. Homosexuals don't kill and hurt other people, and simply want the right to love whoever they happen to fall in love with, be it man or woman.
FoFie 0
Just remember people, as much as you believe your religion is correct, is as much as muslims, jews, catholics and all of the other faiths in the world believe that they are correct. So what makes you right? Whatever happened to tolerance?
nanoflacka 0
Lol i bet u don't like guys quite as much after that. Haha jk. Gays r sweet, (not saying i'm gay)
celticwoman04 0
seriously, people, what is wrong with being gay? it's their choice. and before you go spouting about the bible and god to me, i'm a christian. i have gay friends. i think they are really sweet most of the time. heck, i even gave one of them several pairs of agonizingly painful high heels cuz he wanted them and i didn't. OP, FYL for meeting such a douche.
xcxcxcxc 0
What do you mean by 'it's their choice'? Do you really think that people choose to be straight, gay, bi, etc.? I assume you're straight. Did you 'choose' one day to be straight or has it always been obvious to you that you were straight? Well, it's the same with being gay. You don't choose to be gay. It's just part of you.
manxalicious 0
There's on-going genetic and hormonal research at present that's hypothesis is that it's not a choice but a biological matter. Personally I've always put my homosexual tendencies down to Psychological matters as I was brought up in an all-female household following my parent's divorce. Arguably there are some who may seem to 'choose', but there's probably something deeper in the subconscious that will have effected the choice.
ishiloh 5
Sorry doll, not a choice.
notsobadafterall 0
In the wrong place at the wrong time... :/ You shoulda told him that ;)
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
well maybe he was drunk. or maybe u just looked like the guy he was takling about and he was too drunk to notice.
primogen18 0
If he was drunk, chances are he did mistake you for someone else and he probably won't again seeing as he won't remember. not the end of the world, but that does suck.
bimmer09 0
why don't all you gays supporters go suck each others dicks and butt **** each other
CircusofValues 0
Because he's a ******* idiot, that's why. Bimmer09, your a ******* idiot. OP: I'm sorry some guys are drunk jackasses. Just hope you never meet that jackass ever again.
asquithpat 0
ydi cuz ur gay