By Anonymous - 14/4/2021 23:03

Preventive measures

Today, a year after I moved out with no contact since, my former housemates texted me out of the blue to tell me I'm not invited to their wedding. Seems she thought I'd just turn up and "embarrass" myself. I never indicated that I intended or even wanted to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

834

You deserved it

64

Tweet

Share

Paternity test before the rest

Marriage going well is it?

Bad car day

By sewdevastated - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13993

You deserved it

955

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63603

You deserved it

9058

Tweet

Share

By Nikki - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28745

You deserved it

67315

Tweet

Share

By somebodyelse - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting pretty hot and heavy, then he said, "Let's pretend you're someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks

58691

You deserved it

5479

Tweet

Share

By FUCK - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48205

You deserved it

10852

Tweet

Share

By Teen With No Money - United States

Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31286

You deserved it

3098

Tweet

Share

By wow. - United States - Chicago

Today, I let my sister use my phone to play music in the shower, expecting her to use the speakers I have. She used a ziplock bag with a hole in it to connect her headphones. Now I have a waterlogged phone and my sister still doesn't understand why it didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47534

You deserved it

8117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Show Low

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24053

You deserved it

2256

Tweet

Share

By col - 4/9/2020 01:56

We're on a break

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1247

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark - K?ge

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23590

You deserved it

1933

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33050

You deserved it

4836

Tweet

Share

By balancestrikesagain - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43325

You deserved it

10701

Tweet

Share

By erdot - Romania - Bucuresti

Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1854

You deserved it

635

Tweet

Share

By imsorrylove - United States

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14126

You deserved it

32988

Tweet

Share

By kittyjoe - Australia

Today, while feeling sorry for myself that I can't find a guy, a girl on the talk show I was watching said, "You're never gonna find a guy sitting at home in your jammies with the cat." I'm sitting at home in my jammies with the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1338

You deserved it

751

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9338

You deserved it

26857

Tweet

Share

By vcarder - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21928

You deserved it

42945

Tweet

Share

By twiggy24 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8236

You deserved it

42383

Tweet

Share

By issy - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38611

You deserved it

3618

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I finally went to the doctor for a condition I've had all my life. Turns out it was easily cured with a simple pill. I peed in my pants everyday for 27 years for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10120

You deserved it

5738

Tweet

Share

By just a joke - 8/6/2020 20:08

He has issues

Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2522

You deserved it

323

Tweet

Share

By Crumpet - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54914

You deserved it

5272

Tweet

Share

By criminal tit offender - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24923

You deserved it

72491

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Green Bay

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47406

You deserved it

5209

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12461

You deserved it

76596

Tweet

Share

By Ksweety_fml

He does have a point

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1200

You deserved it

436

Tweet

Share

By footbloodfountain - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25129

You deserved it

6697

Tweet

Share

By ihaveahome - Czech Republic

Today, at 6am I was waiting for the tram to go home from my late night job. A homeless man came up to me and offered to buy me a beer because "guys like us have to stick together." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34828

You deserved it

4904

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Herndon

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41196

You deserved it

2789

Tweet

Share

By Picaresque - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

285150

You deserved it

67775

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 17:03

That ship has sailed

Today, I realized there’s no point in maintaining a friendship of 20 years. I stopped texting my friend three weeks ago and he never noticed. I texted him daily for at least the past ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1400

You deserved it

220

Tweet

Share

By fallingforfakenamesandmindgames

A dealer of both drugs and hugs

Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3622

You deserved it

473

Tweet

Share

By ThanksMom - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13469

You deserved it

1296

Tweet

Share

By Banana_Lord - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I walked 20 minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33726

You deserved it

3143

Tweet

Share

By Anna

Today, I went into a gynecology appointment to find out my IUD had apparently fallen out without me knowing. What tipped me off? My pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2679

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By patty - France

Today, I saw a friend in the street but he didn't see me, so as a joke I decided to ring him. He took his mobile out of his pocket, sighed and didn't pick up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37131

You deserved it

3439

Tweet

Share

By Grrrreat - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40920

You deserved it

4895

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62408

You deserved it

7765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34319

You deserved it

4726

Tweet

Share

By whyme27 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28448

You deserved it

4325

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mike3775 | 32

#7986495 - Wednesday 14 April 2021 23:40

Text her back and say “why would I want to go to your awful wedding anyways, since we have not spoken in over a year? Get over yourself honey”

By Chazzster | 20

#7986517 - Thursday 15 April 2021 3:22

I have a feeling there is a backstory there that OP is intentionally not sharing. Is one of the “happy couple” OP’s Ex? Did OP or former roommate do something bad or in poor taste?

COMMENTS

By mike3775 | 32

#7986495 - Wednesday 14 April 2021 23:40

Text her back and say “why would I want to go to your awful wedding anyways, since we have not spoken in over a year? Get over yourself honey”

By Chazzster | 20

#7986517 - Thursday 15 April 2021 3:22

I have a feeling there is a backstory there that OP is intentionally not sharing. Is one of the “happy couple” OP’s Ex? Did OP or former roommate do something bad or in poor taste?

By rainbowdonnareed | 18

#7986580 - Thursday 15 April 2021 8:50

I'd call back and say I didn't want to come to it anyway stop fishing for gifts

By DarkAngelsBlade | 25

#7986767 - Friday 16 April 2021 2:47

I would have said "uh, good? I wasn't planning on going but maybe I will now."

By Sweetie | 1

#7986932 - Friday 16 April 2021 20:14

Block their numbers and ignore the text. It's just a drama queen looking for attention.