Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a cute guy jogging towards me. I tried to look cool and gave him a smile. At that exact moment, my dog stopped to poop directly on my shoe. The guy jogged past without breaking stride and muttered, “Perfect timing.” FML
Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML
Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML
Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML
Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML
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Top comments
uneekfreak16 0
What kind of dog was it? I hope you weren't trying to look macho with a poodle. I think this one needs an illustration :p
mylifeisfuckeddd 0
lol! i hate when i am walking my dog and i have to pick up her poop and i'm walking around w. a bag a poop and a hot guy walks by
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Comments (114)
heyyou1203 0
Like almost everyone else, I'm baffled by the phrase "macho with my dog." I can understand trying to be macho in general, although I still think its dumb. However, girls find dogs cute and cuddly (if we're going to play on gender stereotypes). You should look CUTE with your dog, cuddle, play, because girls find it cute and are more attracted to guys who are nice to animals. You're and idiot. YDI 100%
The_Great_Zucchi 15
I was going to type something but #106 sums it up. Well apart for the bit where dogs are cute. They aren't...
ObadiahtheSlim 2
YDI. Either you need to learn how to train a dog or you need to stop making up stories.
LesYeuxDeDario 0
MACHO suck balls. Gentle guys are cool. Look at me ^ _ ^ Everybody loves me ! Me: Is it right ? Everybody: Hell yeah ! Me: ^ _ ^
AndreaKina 0
#109. no one cares.
sunshineee27 0
Moral of the story: Be Yourselfff
silly_kate 0
macho guys are gross! lol, maybe she likes golden showers?
biggecko 4
Your dog was just showing you whos boss he peed on you to show you are HIS propertu lol jus showin off for the ladies
stevenmx86 8
Ydi for trying to look macho... And also, a real "macho guy" would've asked out a girl by now if he had a crush on her... You're just a wuss..