Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML
Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML
Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML
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Top comments
UrYousername 15
At least you're wanted! Some of us can't say the same.
JasonUMN 15
Just be glad you weren't carrying Skittles on you.
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Comments (71)
SimplyBird 9
you didn't choose the thug life...
Sports_guy3 28
...the thug life chose him.
jerryj 27
Change clothes quickly before the thug does his business and you get framed!
minesbiggerr 25
He is the so called 'thug'
touch_phobia 13
Well... at least you know the watch is active? Maybe you should try and get to know your neighbors. Not that I've ever been good at that :/
MakeTodayADTR 20
Well, I guess you really didn't choose the thug life. xD
WaterBui 9
Well then, you must be scary-looking.
fluffywaspluka 7
“I am the danger”
SystemofaBlink41 27
Excuse me? Are you perhaps the one who knocks?
Readoll 13
Well atleast you know people are watching out for the neighborhood
MysticMonkey 9
Where's George Zimmerman when you need him? Damn hooligans!
kellyem2 20
If you can, I'd text back. You don't want to keep getting these stupid messages every time you step out of your house.
Edumcg 24
"THE MANIAC'S IN THE MAILBOX" -Patrick.