Health: Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 44

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 26

21/07/2015 17:50

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 843

You deserved it 8 246

And today, on Dr Phil…

Broken heart

Stop talking!

10/07/2015 04:27

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 282

You deserved it 16 244

31/10/2018 13:30

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 2 172

28/09/2013 10:53

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 529

You deserved it 4 898

12/01/2010 21:05

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 810

You deserved it 42 773

14/08/2012 16:52

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 2 033

19/11/2011 04:54

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 165

You deserved it 8 991

27/02/2011 21:46

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 965

You deserved it 13 952

Letting it all hang out

By zoomzoom - 10/09/2020 17:02

Today, I had to send out yet another email reminding families that everyone must be fully dressed while in view of the screen. This includes the student, any other children and the adults in the home. I teach first grade. It’s almost a weekly occurrence to have to send these. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 117

30/08/2011 14:12

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 615

You deserved it 8 512

cringe intensifies

By ShamefulShoop - 31/05/2018 19:00

Today, I took my mother grocery shopping. From the opposite end of the snack aisle, she yelled, "They don't have my darkies! Ya know how I like my darkies!” She was talking about dark pretzels. I don’t think the appalled black couple next to me knew that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 478

You deserved it 266

Burden

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 04:00

Today, after a fight with my parents, I told them I was running away. They said, "Good. Now we have less to pay in child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 765

01/03/2009 08:34

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 071

You deserved it 7 324

WTF VHS?

By Anonymous - 18/09/2019 04:02

Today, a teacher asked me to edit a video of her class. Unfamiliar with cameras that work with video tape, I accidentally recorded over her video. The footage is impossible for me to get back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 953

09/07/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 220

You deserved it 992

12/06/2017 00:00

Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 866

You deserved it 864

20/07/2010 13:33

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 616

You deserved it 40 954

01/01/2013 06:12

Today, my brother thought New Year's would be more epic and memorable if the fireworks were set off in the family room and not outside. It is memorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 237

You deserved it 3 587

07/06/2009 13:50

Today, I went to a huge party. My ex boyfriend was there who I still have feelings for, so I decided to make him jealous by making out with the really drunk guy next to me. While we were making out, he threw up in my mouth and all over me. Everybody found it hysterical including my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 726

You deserved it 95 240

18/04/2012 23:08

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 330

You deserved it 3 825

07/09/2013 21:43

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 091

You deserved it 3 871

06/09/2014 06:11

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 733

You deserved it 6 796

05/02/2011 16:33

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing with her her three wild children. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 975

You deserved it 3 336

11/09/2011 03:18

Today, the hillbillies who inhabit the apartment above mine got karaoke machine. It's 1 a.m. and they're singing Achy Breaky Heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 220

You deserved it 3 404

06/10/2011 04:23

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 936

You deserved it 2 921

Like what you see?

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 1 437

17/10/2011 05:44

Spicy

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 784

You deserved it 4 047

15/08/2010 12:52

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 226

You deserved it 2 883

23/01/2012 00:31

Today, I had to send a picture of my Grandma at her funeral to my girlfriend, because she thought I was out cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 513

You deserved it 5 856

25/06/2013 16:23

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 729

You deserved it 3 910

17/10/2012 15:53

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 563

You deserved it 4 087

14/01/2014 18:30

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 848

You deserved it 18 435

25/12/2009 00:18

Today, I found out my grandpa died. As I rushed home crying to comfort my parents, I got pulled over for speeding. The officer told me to cut out the "fake" tears". When I told him my grandpa just died he tacked on another $100 for lying to an officer. Worst. Christmas. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 251

You deserved it 3 472

20/07/2009 07:10

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 924

You deserved it 12 761

13/11/2010 00:30

Spicy

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 130

You deserved it 14 655

04/09/2015 14:30

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 2 802

12/03/2009 19:49

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 536

You deserved it 23 913

Dating is hell

By CEO - 10/05/2014 02:37

Spicy

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 533

You deserved it 6 469

26/05/2009 03:04

Spicy

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 964

You deserved it 63 868

27/09/2010 05:56

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 621

You deserved it 7 630

10/09/2015 01:15

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 425

You deserved it 2 589

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Top comments

Futacy 29

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:43

The fact that you're even trying to exercise already puts you ahead of most people.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:40

That's because you have to wait until you're 50 in order to do it.

Comments

pinkster2014 25

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:38

Don't feel bad, OP. I'm sure I can't even do that exercise regime. And I'm a skinny 17 year old, but I'm just unfit haha

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 3:44

Yeah, don't be too hard on yourself, OP. It's important to start slow. If you're not used to working out you can't start off running a mile or an intense workout. I've never worked out much, but have always been naturally skinny so I didn't bother. I'm pushing 30 now and my metabolism is slowing down and I've put on some weight. It's pretty well proportioned (I like having a booty) but I'm not happy with my belly pudge. I'm starting simple with some squats and situps and I'll work my way up as it becomes easier. :) Start slow and don't give up OP!

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 10:18

Indians...

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:38

The first time is the hardest. The elderly are tough nowadays

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 5:13

"The first time is the hardest" That's what he said! Anyone? No? Okay, I'll go sit in the corner now.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 7:47

Why would *he* say that? That's basically saying, "Prepare for disappointment!"

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 18:37

The reason old people seem tough now days is because they were not babied like most people are today. growing up they were made to help their parents work, and go play outside instead of sitting inside all day doing nothing.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:38

OP, it could be that they have been working out daily, while you just started. It's awesome though that you are trying and don't give up!

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 10:39

Yeah you gotta start somewhere bro getting in routine is the hardest part but once your a couple weeks into it it gets pretty easy from there.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:38

Nobody's super fit immediately! Keep it up OP!

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 7:52

I am tho

LostMy_Marbles 24

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Thursday 23 July 2015 15:41

Everyone has to start somewhere. No one can expect to be perfect straight up! I'm 21 and some older people at my fit club run rings around me.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:40

Don't be too hard on yourself. try 49 year old exercise regime next time

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 5:15

Yeah, take it easy, OP.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:40

Pussy

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:40

That's because you have to wait until you're 50 in order to do it.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:52

Well youre suppose to be 18 to play cod but that doesnt stop 10 year old and make them wait the years.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 2:20

Zinnnnggg right over your head on that one lol

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 11:12

Duh.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 20:28

^^ Fair point

demonte_jones 19

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:41

Look on the bright side.. I got nothing

MissEmma_fml 22

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 1:08

I'm so inspired by this comment. Wow

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 3:33

This comment has changed my life.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 11:36

I accidentally down voted you #38 I'm sorry :(

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:41

Don't give up OP. It's just the first day, it'll get better. Isn't this the whole reason of working out? To get better physically.

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Wednesday 22 July 2015 0:42

Everyone has to start some where, the important thing is that you've started :) so don't let anything stop you from improving