Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I...

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 784

You deserved it 2 507

Taking stock

Our house, in the middle of our street

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By betrayed - 16/07/2014 20:09 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home early, only to hear a mad scramble in the living room. I found my now ex-girlfriend and best friend in there, sweaty and in their underwear. The idiot actually had the balls to claim he was teaching her how to do push-ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 359

You deserved it 4 569

By WhyDoINeedAName - 13/03/2013 19:51 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 348

You deserved it 8 159

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 3 044

By scooter922 - 15/07/2012 07:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 202

You deserved it 39 504

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 357

You deserved it 12 965

By Anonymous - 22/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 748

You deserved it 4 778

By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 355

You deserved it 3 271

By Username - 08/02/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 796

You deserved it 15 304

By pinklatina - 09/12/2016 20:01 - Canada

Today, I fell and fractured my tailbone. I just healed from my last tailbone fracture 4 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 414

You deserved it 1 364

By RhiannonMuh - 09/09/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 359

You deserved it 3 029

By Username - 11/01/2011 09:45

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 889

You deserved it 3 464

Almost there

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a better job offer out of the blue, more pay, less work. I informally accepted and handed my notice as legally required. They rescinded the job offer. I'm now unemployed at the end of hiring season. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 203

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 852

By awkward. - 17/07/2009 05:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my new boss at my job is the same guy that I turned down repeatedly last night at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 848

You deserved it 4 605

By Lisa - 23/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 989

You deserved it 219

By Wowsers. - 30/01/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 770

You deserved it 35 936

By Anonymous - 17/09/2013 14:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 188

You deserved it 2 795

By hc11bmd - 19/06/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 458

You deserved it 55 006

By anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:09 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 002

You deserved it 2 026

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 347

You deserved it 26 874

By Uh oh... - 19/03/2011 08:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years and I broke up. Earlier, we scheduled our classes for senior year to match perfectly. Can't wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 310

You deserved it 39 390

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 08:39 - Australia

Today, I laughed about a fold in my girlfriend's jeans that felt like she had a tiny boner. She started crying. Turns out she has a slight deformity. Oops. Explains why we've been taking it so slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 932

You deserved it 7 900

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, my very traditional parents told me that I should start a savings account for my marriage. I told them that I wouldn't get married until much later because I don't even have a boyfriend yet. They said, "Don't worry we already found a boy for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 399

You deserved it 3 810

So romantic

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 16:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 090

You deserved it 4 376

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 02:46 - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 578

You deserved it 4 345

Barf

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 20:00

Today, I spent all day cleaning the carpets in every room. I own two dogs and a cat, so deodorizing and deep cleaning the carpets is an all-day chore. At 9 p.m., after I was done with the last room, I went out to the living room and saw one of my dogs had been sick all over the place. Had to reclean the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 185

By Rants - 01/05/2019 16:00

Today, we've had some auditors with us and I chat with some of them during the day. It's Friday so I asked one of them until what time they were working. It was late and I loudly exclaimed, "That's so late! Your bosses have no hearts!" The auditor then points to their table where the boss is sitting. Glaring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 728

By Boo - 14/07/2011 08:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 663

You deserved it 9 043

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 09:41 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 462

You deserved it 7 352

By Username - 12/05/2011 06:17

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 487

You deserved it 3 029

By Username - 14/04/2011 06:59

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 601

You deserved it 18 822

By notmarryingyou - 10/09/2014 17:16 - United States - Bothell

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 924

You deserved it 3 411

By Username - 05/10/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 812

You deserved it 12 599

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 769

You deserved it 34 456

By xoVioLoveox - 10/03/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 193

You deserved it 13 242

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 11:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 429

You deserved it 3 569

By fmlll - 28/08/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 59 762

By KatieElizabeth - 27/10/2013 04:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 448

You deserved it 2 716

Oh no, she's back

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 18:01 - United States - Little River

Today, I learned that the respondents on the Suicide Hotline recognize me, and not fondly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 165

By clair_brodie - 04/07/2019 20:00

Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 198

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Top comments

crystal71669 10

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Friday 13 January 2017 14:57

Maybe you should admire this woman who appears to be in better shape than you instead of talking about her "cankles". You deserved it if for no other reason than you need to learn some respect.

mermaidgirle 12

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Friday 13 January 2017 14:35

Fitness isn't always determined by size. Just keep working at it OP. No matter one's size, if you're exercising, then you're still doing better than the willful couch potato. <img src="../lib/tinymce/plugins/emoticons/img/smiley-smile.gif" alt="smile" />

chirstinap325 21

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Friday 13 January 2017 14:29

If she had bags on both arms, I'm not surprised that she was in a hurry. That's heavy and can sometimes be so tight on the arms depending how the bags were placed. Don't feel bad op, but if you feel it's necessary or desired, you could work into getting more in shape :)

mermaidgirle 12

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Friday 13 January 2017 14:35

crystal71669 10

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Friday 13 January 2017 14:57

Maybe you should admire this woman who appears to be in better shape than you instead of talking about her "cankles". You deserved it if for no other reason than you need to learn some respect.

Vesi 28

Friday 13 January 2017 17:56

Thank you. I came here just to say this. I'm overweight/obese with those offensive "cankles" and I can generally outwalk a LOT of skinny people. You deserve it for believing weight defines health. Suck it up, buttercup. Keep walking and next time, keep your offensive judgement of others' bodies to yourself.

Vesi 28

Friday 13 January 2017 17:57

Vesi 28

Friday 13 January 2017 18:49

Thank you! I came in to say exactly this. As for OP, suck it up, buttercup. Keep walking and put preconceived notions about size and health where ti belongs, in the trash.

Vesi 28

Friday 13 January 2017 18:51

Ugh.. and this replied in the wrong place. This site now sucks about things working right and we cannot delete comments, apparently. FML

mike3775 34

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Friday 13 January 2017 15:53

Keep it up OP.  When I first started walking everyday 3 years ago, I was walking with a 61 yr old neighbor and she was in way better shape than I was at the time(I was 38 at the time).  Now I have lost over 60 lbs and my endurance is way better now.

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 13 January 2017 16:47

Chin up, young lady, there's hope. With regular walking exercise, you can also improve your fitness AND build up your cankles!

joe1105 11

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Friday 13 January 2017 20:35

maybe she had to pee real bad

writergirl1029 17

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Friday 13 January 2017 21:42

Other than problems like edema related to obesity, ankle size has almost nothing to do with how much you weigh. YDI for being judgemental.

DoomedGemini 37

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Saturday 14 January 2017 0:07

I'm 19, very thin, and definitely not fit(wanting to work on that), it's called being lucky. Though it is very frustrating when you're trying to gain weight. You can't tell how healthy or how fit someone is just looking at weight. Just because you're thin doesn't mean you're healthier or more fit than a heavier person.