Today, I was told I would not be getting the job I was offered because I failed my drug test. They never gave me a drug test. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML
Today, I asked my boss for a raise, explaining that another shop offered me a job at a higher rate, but I would stay if he would offer me the same. Instead, he fired me then called the other shop and said I was fired for failing a drug test. FML
Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML
Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML
Today, I went to do a drug test for a new job. While I was there, they said the job was part-time with no insurance. Previously it was supposed to be full time with insurance. Now I have to take a job that pays $20,000 less a year. FML
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
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Top comments
tacojauns 45
Man how high were you?
Ukeee_X 19
Can you not testify that? It could be a mix-up.
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Comments (69)
Catkam623 27
Offer to retake it
Enslaved 38
Did they set one up and you failed to show up to it?
TheShadyMilkman 15
So high you don't remember taking the test ehh?
kathryn14 19
I guess that's why you failed it.
alwayswinning123 7
That's trippy
Schiffy 18
Not taking a drug test equals failing it? That kind of screws up "innocent until proven guilty."
perdix 31
They were testing whether you'd bring them some Oxycontin and crystal meth, and you didn't, so you failed. You need to know the current business etiquette, like for instance, on your resume, you should put every NOUN in all CAPS. You need to learn to bring celebratory drugs to your new bosses, as opposed to the liquor of yesteryear.
Bano360 25
That's HIGHly unfortunate.
Cheeley 17
Capitalizing "high" in highly was highly unnecessary.
euphoricness 28
Don't you mean HIGHly unnecessary?
jackaced 7
Dude where's my drug test?
Zebediabolical 45
That's some good weed, dude. Hook a brother up!