Love: Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student... - FML

By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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Taking stock

Instadrama

You BARBARIAN!

By Degueusement - France - Puteaux

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

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By burn - United States

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

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By Jdub - United States

Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML

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By Pissed - United States - Newton Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. My dad noticed my depression and got me to tell him what was wrong. I told him everything, and trusting him to have an intelligent suggestion, I asked him what I should do. He shrugged and said, "Fuck, sue him, I dunno." FML

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By myself - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 07:04 - United Kingdom

Genius, definitely

Today, my boyfriend claims he found a way of spending time with my son without actually spending time with him. They play hide and seek, and for a long time as he shouts, “I’m gonna find you” every few minutes. The game can last over an hour while he watches TV without interruptions. Genius or asshole? FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were arguing about how he was too busy for me. During that conversation, he was texting his best friend and then called by his brother to drive him home. Instead of returning to finish our conversation, he left to prepare for his fishing trip with his mates tomorrow. FML

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By tequilashot - Brazil - Porto Alegre

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

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By Martine624 - Netherlands

Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML

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By cheated - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

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By Regina - United States

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

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By meikd423 - France

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, with only a Santa hat on. FML

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By kp - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

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By DiiiDiiine - France - Limoges

Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML

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By NoDocVisit - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

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By hopeless - Canada

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

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By Lasko - United States

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I went into hospital for knee surgery. When I awoke, I was surprised to find a bandage wrapped around my throbbing head. The nurse explained that a student observer had fainted in the operating room and his head had smashed against mine on the way down. FML

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By ow

Today, while playing paintball, a shot ricocheted off a wall and slammed into my nuts. I told the other team I was out and tried to run out of the field, but as I was jogging to the door I was hit again in the balls. My friend saw this and dropped his gun, laughing. It hit me too. FML

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By stillloverher

Today, when I woke up I saw that my bald head is covered with my wife's period blood. Again. She does it regularly once a month, despite asking her not to. She thinks this blood activates hair growth. She is serious. FML

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By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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By ew - United States - Titusville

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called a guy who had requested a free marketing consultation for his funeral home through the internet a couple of days ago. When I got through, the receptionist seemed a little taken back by me wanting to talk to him. He had died and was buried yesterday. FML

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By lovegotmehung - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend. Just as she said "I love you", the credit on my phone runs out. She now thinks that I've purposely hung up on her. She refuses to speak to me until I tell her the real reason I hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML

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By facepalm - United States - Sayreville

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

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By fmynote - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of 2 years, expressing all my feelings for him signed it as "Forever your lover" then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked back up to me, tossed the note at me and said "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

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By Mrs. W. - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

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By Gentleman - United States

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

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By Eh.. - Israel

Today I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles at smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number and she said "nah" still haunts me. FML

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By Samm Povich - United States

Today, while working as a police dispatcher, I took a call for a motorcycle accident that occurred near my house. After obtaining all the essential information I realized the rider was my brother. He doesn't own a motorcycle, but I do. FML

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By Upset - United States - Santa Clara

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

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By Cats...FML - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I stubbed my toe against the corner of my bed, causing me to gasp and moan in pain. My parents overheard, and now I'm getting the full coming of age talk and how I shouldn't lie about what I was doing. I didn't do anything. FML

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By banana2894 - United States - Eugene

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

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By Albert

Useless

Today, I used up the last of my deodorant for a business meeting on Zoom. FML

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Top comments

By cndrow | 0

#923 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:33

Of course he'd make a better grade- House, simply, rocks. Everyone knows this!

By Cantexplain1234 | 0

#27691 - Thursday 12 March 2009 4:58

If house was the president and you were an assassin i'd take the bullet

COMMENTS

By cndrow | 0

#923 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:33

Of course he'd make a better grade- House, simply, rocks. Everyone knows this!

Reply

hunterhound | 0

#2969289 - Monday 25 July 2011 5:09

amen lol

By 0___0 | 9

#9192 - Saturday 28 February 2009 10:35

:D House is the best, he deserved the good grade ;)
mmm sexy I love House!!!

By 0___0 | 9

#9193 - Saturday 28 February 2009 10:38

:D House is the best, he deserved the good grade ;)
mmm sexy I love House!!!

By phonyreal98 | 0

#12015 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 3:36

Dude, that's such a douchy cutthroat medical student thing to complain about.

Not that I have a problem with that....just sayin'

Reply

Torunn | 13

#4514880 - Sunday 3 June 2012 6:14

*Cutthroat bitch. :)

By phonyreal98 | 0

#12023 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 3:41

Oh, and I agree with the above poster that if you want to show this guy, just kick ass on your USMLE's, get a better residency, etc.

By TheEpicScrewup | 0

#20179 - Saturday 7 March 2009 22:26

NEVER put someone down for watching House. House is the man. Maybe, If you watched the sexiness that is Dr. House, you could learn something.

Reply

idefka | 33

#6432041 - Sunday 11 October 2015 3:18

House is such a duck though. but it's ok because he's also awesome.

By MEGAJOSH | 0

#22673 - Monday 9 March 2009 3:57

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ijustlaugh | 0

#2754654 - Saturday 25 June 2011 7:43

oh yeah what statistical data do you have to prove it? because my dad, my mom, and me a female girl watch house and I think none of us are homos :]

By Ichigo_fml | 0

#23293 - Monday 9 March 2009 17:59

i love house and now you know

By Cantexplain1234 | 0

#27691 - Thursday 12 March 2009 4:58

If house was the president and you were an assassin i'd take the bullet

By thewisefoolHHH | 1

#32510 - Sunday 15 March 2009 9:07

HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!