Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student... - FML

By Gen - 17/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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Understandable

Serious times

Workaholic

By 4themoneh - 5/4/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

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By Wowsers. - 30/1/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2015 12:58 - United States - Newtown Square

Today, I found out my pregnant sister has been watching Teen Mom 2 to find out how to be a good parent. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

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By shikushiku - 3/8/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Ends up he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2015 13:44 - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

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By FASHlONABLE - 5/4/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

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By mishyb - 28/7/2013 04:28 - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

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By drama king? - 10/4/2013 22:17 - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

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By thanks. - 28/1/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

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By StretchNuts - 11/3/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

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By chassezlenaturel - 24/3/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2010 10:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

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By team hit bella with a car - 20/10/2014 02:20 - United States - Odenton

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

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By scatter00x - 8/2/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

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By ladyofzanarkand - 20/5/2020 20:00

Not my sunnies!

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

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By SailorVenus93 - 20/3/2020 06:00

Be reasonable, people

Today, at work, I was told at the beginning of my shift that we would be enforcing a 4-item limit on hand sanitizer, toilet paper, etc. Not even 20 minutes later, I had 2 customers bitch me out. This is going to be a long shift, if not year. FML

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By mster233 - 9/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By fuck - 9/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Caught

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

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By DWIcop - 3/4/2019 00:00

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

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By Soundofaboner - 23/4/2013 16:08 - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 05:00

Today I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

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By MIB thingy please... - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

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By Cow lover - 12/10/2016 14:13 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

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By soulaar - 2/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

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By Brennan Lebrun - 18/5/2018 05:00

Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

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By BrillianceSucks - 5/4/2013 00:10 - Canada

Today, I had to give a 15-minute presentation for a conference. I hadn't had the time to write out a proper speech so I decided to just wing it. My sponsor liked my presentation so much he wants me to turn it into an article. Now if only I could remember what I said. FML

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By longest minute - 25/5/2016 11:28 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

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By kaytay2469 - 5/9/2010 04:44 - United States

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

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By Jordan - 10/8/2018 14:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I met the guy who will be my dorm roommate for the fall semester. One of the first things he said was, "By the way, I am into self-massage, so don't get weirded out if you hear noises coming from my room a lot." Great. FML

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By Deep Sigh - 14/8/2017 23:15

Deep Sigh? More like Deep Throat

Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2013 09:44 - United Kingdom - London

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

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By tjm - 23/12/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, after finally getting a job offer after months of unemployment, I found out that the person who was going to hire me got fired. Which means I'm not getting the job. FML

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By cakegirl - 26/5/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 02:12

Falling Down

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

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By OhGeez - 8/6/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 23:17 - United States

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

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Top comments

By cndrow | 0

#923 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:33

Of course he'd make a better grade- House, simply, rocks. Everyone knows this!

By Cantexplain1234 | 0

#27691 - Thursday 12 March 2009 4:58

If house was the president and you were an assassin i'd take the bullet

COMMENTS

By cndrow | 0

#923 - Monday 9 February 2009 23:33

Of course he'd make a better grade- House, simply, rocks. Everyone knows this!

Reply

hunterhound | 0

#2969289 - Monday 25 July 2011 5:09

amen lol

By 0___0 | 9

#9192 - Saturday 28 February 2009 10:35

:D House is the best, he deserved the good grade ;)
mmm sexy I love House!!!

By 0___0 | 9

#9193 - Saturday 28 February 2009 10:38

:D House is the best, he deserved the good grade ;)
mmm sexy I love House!!!

By phonyreal98 | 0

#12015 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 3:36

Dude, that's such a douchy cutthroat medical student thing to complain about.

Not that I have a problem with that....just sayin'

Reply

Torunn | 13

#4514880 - Sunday 3 June 2012 6:14

*Cutthroat bitch. :)

By phonyreal98 | 0

#12023 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 3:41

Oh, and I agree with the above poster that if you want to show this guy, just kick ass on your USMLE's, get a better residency, etc.

By TheEpicScrewup | 0

#20179 - Saturday 7 March 2009 22:26

NEVER put someone down for watching House. House is the man. Maybe, If you watched the sexiness that is Dr. House, you could learn something.

Reply

idefka | 33

#6432041 - Sunday 11 October 2015 3:18

House is such a duck though. but it's ok because he's also awesome.

By MEGAJOSH | 0

#22673 - Monday 9 March 2009 3:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

ijustlaugh | 0

#2754654 - Saturday 25 June 2011 7:43

oh yeah what statistical data do you have to prove it? because my dad, my mom, and me a female girl watch house and I think none of us are homos :]

By Ichigo_fml | 0

#23293 - Monday 9 March 2009 17:59

i love house and now you know

By Cantexplain1234 | 0

#27691 - Thursday 12 March 2009 4:58

If house was the president and you were an assassin i'd take the bullet

By thewisefoolHHH | 1

#32510 - Sunday 15 March 2009 9:07

HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!