Today, I was teaching my two year-old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be my doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shoved it deep into my ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML
Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML
Today, I was cleaning wax out my ears when my wife came barrelling into the bathroom, desperate to pee. The door slammed right into the side of my head and the cotton swab I was using was pushed all the way in and ruptured my eardrum. FML
Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML
Today, my excruciating ear pain turned out to be a bastard maggot eating away at all the vital things behind my eardrum. The doctor pulled it out, but I’m now permanently deaf in that ear and can’t balance. I fall if I try to stand or walk further than 5 feet. FML
Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML
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Top comments
star_86 0
YDI for trying to teach that to a 2 year old!
SamSayzRAWRZ 0
she's 2. what else do you expect? YDI.
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Comments (115)
irelandguy 0
that's terrible. hope it isn't permanent (my uncle is deaf is his left ear and sometimes sleeps on his right side so he can't hear his phone.) my family use forehead strip-thermometers, so we don't shove long things in holes.
aback 5
...so you're the last of your line?
Narciso_fml 0
don't worry, they only stopped using long things
xXMudkipNoobXx 7
thats what she said
Serec 0
Yes, now little Allison can go to daycare centers and shove a stick down her other friends throats and say, "well, looks like you got a fever!" Nice one OP.
docscientist 10
A two-year old shouldn't have access to a thermometer, which may likely be glass. It's a 2 year old, they tend to test limits and get a feel for boundaries.
LexSwift 17
This made me cringe.
iheartglasses 0
Really DocScientist? Glass? Cause I could have sworn they stopped making those half a century ago :P Chances are, if someone has a child, they bought one thats relatively safe at Walmart or something. The baby section has like 5 different kinds, including one shaped like a pacifier. They are all made out of plastic and have the little metal nub on the end...
EvilDave 13
They are also made with mercury. chances are, if someone has a half a brain, they don't try to teach 2yo children to do something that should be done with adult supervision.
catatonicsleep 17
Digital thermometers have no mercury in, the in ear thermometers are digital, it is most likely that all the ones 46 mentioned will be digital as well
misschipmunk 0
If she shoved it in her ear it was most likely an electric ear thermometer which have no glass at all.
BlueTwist89 0
This is so wrong, but I laughed my ass off. I hope your ear starts feeling better :/.
JNaftel 0
i'd ******* punch her in the throat
Littlebrraatt 14
And thats why u dont have kids. Or they will be taken away.
EvilDave 13
YDI. What were you thinking teaching a 2yo to take someone's temperature? Do you really think she will be able to handle that? You are an idiot who needs to go take a parenting class or 10.
Judus_beej 0
same thing happened to me as I was teaching my son the dangers of scissors. I was holding the blades to keep them away from him and he pride them open as took a chunk out of my finger.