Miscellaneous: Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard...

By jshi8 - 04/08/2011 14:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 832

You deserved it 79 762

Miscellaneous

Triage

Dysfunctional

This Charming Man

By Upset - 10/06/2013 23:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 902

You deserved it 4 203

Named and shamed

By unwanted - 01/04/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 130

By booyouwhoree - 03/03/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregant, she replied by saying "is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 769

You deserved it 18 351

By ktiskool - 01/08/2013 04:03 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 345

You deserved it 4 130

By woman - 17/11/2012 08:45 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 676

You deserved it 7 721

By DyingOfShame - 24/08/2010 23:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend whilst on the train home from spending the weekend with him at his grandparents' house. It said, 'Gran says to tell you that the bin beside the toilet is actually for storing spare shampoos and toothbrushes, so could you not put your tampons in it next time?' FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 045

You deserved it 8 439

By Ciabatta - 20/11/2008 11:10 - France

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 3 427

By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, it took a whole half hour of scratching my head before I realized with horror that the weird tickling sensation I'd been feeling was actually a spider crawling around in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 926

You deserved it 3 192

By Shirley - 15/02/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 814

You deserved it 7 550

By DietWater - 07/08/2015 22:13 - United States - Beaumont

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 393

You deserved it 2 328

Sounds fishy

By Liisaz34 - 18/04/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend is spending a lot of time hyping up his female best friend who is participating in a modeling competition, trying to get her to win. When I asked this guy to help support my small business, he said he, “didn’t have time” to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 131

By Derp-A-Herp - 27/05/2011 05:46 - United States

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 630

You deserved it 55 196

Shit, dude

By Johnny on the Spot - 12/02/2009 17:19 - United States

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 322

You deserved it 2 289

By girlthatstoofat - 29/10/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 238

You deserved it 6 869

By RJB - 29/07/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I got so bored I made a "to do" list for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 964

You deserved it 12 534

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:00 - United States - Grove City

Today, a childhood friend reached out to me to apologize for our friendship. He was obviously drunk, and admitted that his parents made him become friends with me so that my dad, their landlord, would be easy on them when the rent was short after his mom lost her job. He said he never really liked me and called me a nerd, before hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 96

Send help!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 23:30 - India - Pune

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 361

By kids next door - 18/11/2013 10:14 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 217

You deserved it 3 677

By yeasty - 06/07/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I went to the drug store to pick up some Monistat for a yeast infection. As I was leaving the store, the security alarm went off. The attractive security guard asked to see my receipt, smiled, told me I looked nice, so I handed him the receipt. His face then abruptly changed to a look of disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 4 512

By AntiBobTheBuilder - 02/03/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 3 014

By splitzville - 16/03/2010 20:12 - United States

Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 940

You deserved it 40 764

By Lukev7 - 12/09/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, was my first day at Military School. When our commander walked into the sleeping quarters, instructing us all to get up and stand at the foot of our beds. I had morning wood. To which the commander wasted no time in adressing in front of the rest of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 901

You deserved it 5 567

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 22:00

Today, I got to a patient having a seizure and was approached by a bystander who said to me, "I have pharmaceutical grade essential oils, and they recommend Frankincense for seizures." Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 113

By Herdad - 30/07/2009 11:34 - United States

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 964

You deserved it 3 677

By Anonymous - 17/10/2015 13:17 - United States - Gadsden

Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 536

You deserved it 2 780

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 04:24 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 283

You deserved it 4 116

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 06:00

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 867

You deserved it 484

By mystery - 17/06/2012 02:08 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 2 375

By xYumix - 17/11/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I was late for an interview. Going into the elevator, a man ran up to the doors but since I was late, I pressed the "close" button. When I arrived to the office, the secretary asked me to wait. The boss walked in to interview me. The man whose face I closed the elevator doors on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 567

You deserved it 59 484

Dr Who

By llamaborn - 05/04/2021 14:00

Today, at the age of 21, I learned that the phrase, “A stitch in time saves nine” is not about traveling back in time and saving nine people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 656

By awwshit - 13/10/2009 14:13 - Canada

Today, I told the man I've been in love with for 3 years, who also happens to be my boss, how I felt. He responds by filing sexual harassment charges against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 718

You deserved it 34 953

Shady dealings

By CaptBlood - 04/05/2021 14:01

Today, my wife says she's not hiding money from me but I checked our joint bank account, which I no longer use, and find she's been transferring money in-and-out of 3 accounts, while taking money from me and getting payday loans to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 89

By MarsMayFall - 12/09/2016 09:56 - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 781

You deserved it 6 624

One law for thee…

By Jules - 03/03/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 101

By nannynomore - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, my boss had to leave the house for a little while. She asked me to take any messages she got. I answered the phone and lady calling said she was returning her call about the opening for a nanny position. I am the current nanny. I found out I am being fired by the new nanny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 206

You deserved it 3 092

By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/09/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 312

You deserved it 2 251

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 441

You deserved it 59 285

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 718

You deserved it 11 908

By Apes - 25/03/2013 07:18 - United States - Temecula

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 402

You deserved it 4 997

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 02:45 - United States - Chillicothe

Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I said no, she started crying so much that her mom came out 5 minutes later and demanded that I give her daughter the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 714

You deserved it 1 256

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Top comments

emmiep1011 7

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

try a toilet next time?

nekros_fml 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

what are you doing taking a dump behind a dumpster? Were you born in a barn?

grant1023 5

Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Baby_Stewie 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:56

fuck you

mustardhippo 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:56

And why where you shitting behind a dumpster and not in a toilet?

quadder 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:58

1 and 11 comments fail

NastyNinja31 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:58

a dump behind a dumpster.. Makes since

Keyman1212 14

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:58

I'm guessing you posted this from a public library computer seeing as you MUST be homeless. Why don't you shit in the library's toilet?

Friaza 29

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:58

YDI for doing your business in public.

daisyloo 7

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:58

Good one.

margie2194 12

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:03

Scat porn?

Laurenlou 24

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:03

Dudes he is obviously a hipster! Toilets are WAY to main-stream to take a dump in! Gosh, everyone goes along with the crowd.

HolyHandGrenade 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:04

Bear Grylls obviously was pretending to be homeless for a new episode of Man v. Wild.

FarSide 22

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:09

So the dumpers took pictures of the dumpee, as the dumpee took a dump next to the dumpster? Your an inconsiderate nasty ass. Next time take your dump IN the dumpster. No body wants to see your shit.

mustardhippo 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:09

36 but then he'd get hungry and eat his own shit. It's bear grylls!

mustardhippo 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:09

36 but then he'd get hungry and eat his own shit. It's bear grylls!

HolyHandGrenade 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:15

43- Nah, he'd kill one of the garbage men and eat him.

HolyHandGrenade 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:15

43- Nah, he'd kill one of the garbage men and eat him.

guitgod1 11

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:56

dump-ception

Nanall 15

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:57

No link to a YouTube video? :/

MrSassypants 32

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:17

#42 if OP took a dummp in the dumpster it would make for a better FML story seeing as the garbage men would lift it into the dump truck. :D

rixxy24 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 21:22

sooo smelly are the homeless I know I was 4 a decade. I NEVER SHIT OUTSIDE ITS NOT NECESSARY urgh but warm

jake1632 9

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Thursday 4 August 2011 21:58

"Heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster" after that I think OP changed the story.

Maximus_Axiom 7

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Thursday 4 August 2011 22:13

lol ydi for doing it in public there was probably a place close enought to take a shit

BADDiam 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 23:05

A hobo with an internet?

Kolden 11

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Thursday 4 August 2011 23:08

Been there man, been there.

tjv3 10

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Friday 5 August 2011 1:31

that's just gross I guess your momma didnt raise you with any sense or respect

JustHello123 1

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Friday 5 August 2011 2:39

haha this FML cracks me up!

humorizer 14

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Friday 5 August 2011 5:24

Apparently, the OP mistook the term "DUMPster" as a literal term.

issoz 10

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Friday 5 August 2011 15:27

Shit happens.

nahgemsoohc 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 15:43

20- no he probably stole someones iPhone and used the app inside it to submit this fml

rulerofwow 0

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 9:42

might work better for you if you try a normal bathroom like... idk normal people.

SecretlyEvil9792 22

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Wednesday 10 August 2011 16:09

Why the hell would you take a dump behind the dumpster?

affamigo13 1

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Sunday 22 July 2012 5:23

This is ment for number 42: Ya, so wen he takes a dump IN the dumpster, and the dumpster gets thrown into to the garbage truck, he can get thrown in there too

IHATEFMYLIFE 26

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Sunday 21 July 2013 5:04

88 Who'd want to watch that anyway? Disgusting!

emmiep1011 7

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

try a toilet next time?

rayrayray23 1

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:06

Maybe he couldn't get to one?

FarSide 22

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:11

300,000,000 people in this Country manage to take a shit into a crapper every day. NO EXCUSES.

sickjairo 7

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:25

With what did you wipe after?

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:28

maybe he doesnt like the splash of water on his ass a good ol' fashioned shit makes. maybe he likes his ass dry as a desert and if his ass were to be splashed, it would be like a witch from the wizard of oz. now he must face the choice of shitting behind a dumpster and being ridiculed, or lose his ass completely as it shrinks to nothing and smokes as if it were a new plate of fajitas. good job.

Dispute 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:29

well it's called a DUMPster for a reason...

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:59

the mere thought of diarhea must make his ass flaps cringe.

xexu13 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:13

r u french? nice tits bitch get a nose job though then give me a blow-job ok?

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:17

102- how long does it take u to get modded?

WellThatSucksMaj 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:29

Deuces ;)

tr3vst3r 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:45

tr3vst3r 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:45

tr3vst3r 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:45

Jvr91 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:56

It took me the first sentence to decide ydi

gruvychild 17

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Thursday 4 August 2011 21:10

That's what I was wondering!!

NeonBluee 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 22:36

I would rather shit my pants while I'm running towards the bathroom then behind a dumpster any day. Who cares, I get to buy a new pair of pants :)

gbreck 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 23:20

I voted YDI the moment I read "I was taking a dump behind a dumpster"... WTF op. just WTF

redneckte89 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 23:31

hey

eminemchick 19

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Friday 5 August 2011 0:31

205 trying out the fun "add a comment" button i see?

Laurenlou 24

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Friday 5 August 2011 0:56

148- Either you copied my reply to the first comment, or this is all one HUGE coincidence! xD

toastyjustice 5

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Friday 5 August 2011 1:00

65, you wipe with the money that the kid age you to buy smokes

cupcakesnpot 9

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Friday 5 August 2011 1:18

why does everyone always put thumbs down? even on the good comments... I think it's a waste of a button! sorry I have nothing to say about your comments or OP stupidity.

crazy17balls 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 5:01

good point#65

itsharkley 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 5:52

I think ZoP is now... the Dumpster. lol

jake3292 5

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Friday 5 August 2011 6:13

227 he took it:)

travis123576 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 8:03

I'm messaging you haha

smashingdiscover 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

Hahah that sucks

Laughing_Cow 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:56

Too bad it's fake

Laughing_Cow 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 22:39

That Can't be true

TeeHee124 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 4:23

please, enlighten me. At what point did that seem like a good idea?

shovels 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 7:59

261, some people get a weird thrill by doing stuff like that.

chaosdragn16 2

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Saturday 6 August 2011 7:11

I gotta do it since no one else is yet... But this Seems like a shitty situation.

mustardhippo 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

Well shit, that's garbage

nekros_fml 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:55

what are you doing taking a dump behind a dumpster? Were you born in a barn?

GreenMuzz 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:07

There arent dumpsters in barns

mustardhippo 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:11

Jesus was born in a barn. And dumpsters didn't exist then :P

icyfire617 10

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:17

Hobos. Gotta love em.

steph87_fml 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:50

Um... Nice fangs........

zukinihudini 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:58

DUMPster

jneville 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 22:23

Acton Ontario? Lame!!!

Laughing_Cow 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 22:41

What's a hobo doing wasting his time on this app?!?! Get a job!

Peacewind 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 0:52

Yes this is clearly Jesus shitting behind some dumpster in Maryland.

Cokie_the_Clown 5

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Friday 5 August 2011 1:05

I agree. Why the hell did you feel the urge to take a dump behind a dumpster? If you really wanted to take a shit in public, you could have done it in a more secluded area like a bush in a forest. Or, you could have been like everyone else and shit in a toilet.