Miscellaneous: Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading...

By adieuvelib - 15/10/2011 01:53 - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 121

You deserved it 5 775

Miscellaneous

Quite the journey

Great parenting, mom

Is this guy Hugh Hefner?

By Eskyew - 23/07/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 610

You deserved it 8 976

By Elevated fear - 24/12/2017 19:00

Today, I finally sought help for my crippling fear of elevators. When I arrived at my new therapist's office, I found the door to the stairs locked. To get to my appointment on the third floor of the building, I have to take the elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 198

You deserved it 544

By cunts, cunts everywhere - 11/03/2013 11:57 - Australia

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 300

You deserved it 2 770

By Paige - 26/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 185

You deserved it 52 147

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 577

You deserved it 7 850

Ewwww, gross

By Tancred - 15/09/2011 07:36 - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when a guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached into his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 632

You deserved it 2 148

Humblebrag in disguise

By samantha - 23/06/2020 02:02

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 06/08/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, in one fell swoop, my testicles and spirits were simultaneously crushed into submission by the girl I like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 4 844

Adding insult to injury

By lol - 23/07/2021 05:59

Today, my boss fired me. Then later on Facebook, his public status was, "Finally fired the sumo wrestler!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 79

The joys of public transport

By InPain - 17/10/2019 16:00

Today, while riding the train, some druggie got into a dispute with some random passengers. Even though I didn't even look at them fighting, he decided I was a threat and punched me, a pregnant woman, and some bikers. Now I've got a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 118

By Lemonhead - 21/07/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I came home from living in Spain for 2 years. My mom made dinner for me, and she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, and calling 911 for myself, I heard my mom say to my dad, "She always did have to be the center of attention." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 882

You deserved it 3 787

By Bandgeek - 16/03/2017 20:00

Today, at work, 5 minutes after I'd sent my help home, we got an 83 dollar order. I'm the only cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 915

You deserved it 761

By Dude_Stop - 27/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 185

You deserved it 276

By cock blocked - 22/04/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 072

You deserved it 2 462

Misheard

By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered, "Nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 134

You deserved it 30 159

By Jess - 30/05/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 343

You deserved it 71 645

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 669

You deserved it 4 689

By Anonymous - 12/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 872

You deserved it 8 011

By knevs - 22/06/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 678

You deserved it 2 960

By bowler - 13/12/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the bowling alley. The manager was busy and asked if I could wait. Let's just say I've never bowled before, and I wanted to know how deep the hole was on the bowling ball. The interview ended with him spitting on my finger, trying to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 692

You deserved it 33 376

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 15:33 - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 859

You deserved it 4 742

Get it on

By kmb04 - 02/08/2009 15:12 - Canada

Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 048

You deserved it 33 943

By The Drew - 21/09/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, after completely refilling my almost empty gas tank, I witnessed the price flip from $3.69 per gallon to $3.59. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 009

You deserved it 2 642

By Des - 18/06/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 291

You deserved it 1 107

By ForeverYoung - 17/08/2019 12:00

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 219

By disgruntled - 26/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was passed over for a team lead role at work which went to my older male coworker instead. He repeatedly said that he only wanted the position for the money and didn’t care about leading. When I asked why he was offered the role over me, they said he had more leadership experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 251

By MathTeacher - 02/05/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 026

You deserved it 46 024

By Deadfish - 26/07/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 289

You deserved it 7 125

By Nikki - 13/05/2015 00:33 - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 954

You deserved it 3 555

Classic FML

By cpmolly - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Omaha

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 498

You deserved it 17 387

By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 07:48 - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 537

You deserved it 29 822

By Forgetable - 21/04/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 049

You deserved it 3 005

By dumbucksally - 31/08/2018 06:00

Today, my 30-year-old boyfriend of 4 years OD'd on his mental health medication, resulting in a trip to the hospital. He said the experience was eye-opening and he wants to be 100% honest with me. He then said he wants to have sex with his biological mother, who he finally met last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 709

You deserved it 220

By Ginna - 29/10/2010 18:29 - Canada

Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 141

You deserved it 2 615

By Fartfail - 18/04/2012 13:43 - Hong Kong - Corozal

Today, while vacuuming my new apartment, I farted a few times. After my last fart, I turned to find my super-hot neighbor standing at the door. Panicking, I asked in a "I-didn't-just-fart-my-ass" tone, "Oh hi! Been standing there for long?" She replied, "Since your initial rip." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 720

You deserved it 6 740

By Anonymous - 31/01/2012 05:16 - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 664

You deserved it 3 023

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Holyoke

Today, I was told that when I was in middle school and thought I was considered class clown for either making jokes or acting stupid, people thought I actually was stupid and/or mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 866

You deserved it 2 563

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 056

You deserved it 6 178

By Noname - 03/02/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 854

You deserved it 2 906

By canabana - 11/04/2009 08:42 - Canada

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to close a simple $400 deal with a homeowner. He spent 3 hours telling me about his life story including his marital problems, his philosophical views of the world, AND he read me 20 pages of haiku poems. Only 3 hours later did he tell me he couldn't accept my deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 000

You deserved it 6 206

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Top comments

ckr911 5

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:04

Ahh, smart guy.

FMLandurstoo 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:05

You did drop something. Your virginity. I'll pick it up for you though. Mmmmmmhmmmmm

ckr911 5

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:04

Ahh, smart guy.

deviable 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:14

I loved that show.

tatababe 1

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:18

How creative

tatababe 1

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:18

How creative

tatababe 1

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:18

How creative

tatababe 1

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:18

How creative

enonymous 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:21

Quintuple Creative

deviable 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:25

I'll give you a creative so you can creative while you creative.

changesinme 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:30

Einstein on scooter

enonymous 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:35

35 it's actually Newton not Einstein.

nalia18 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:46

Welp there goes your dignity

JenDanielle917 13

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:03

42- there is nothing for you to say about dignity, with your picture.

KrazieKleo 13

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:13

48- you're kidding right? Justine Bitchieber is the hottest girl ever!!

MrPedoBear_fml 4

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Saturday 15 October 2011 10:24

I'll help you up that bumpy hill

shireeniee 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 13:02

Ahh watch our for pedobear!

RSX92 3

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Saturday 15 October 2011 19:39

Were u by any chance going to movie rental store

Anubyte 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 19:39

Well there goes your autocorrect

nalia18 8

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Sunday 16 October 2011 1:02

Well i know i have no dignity for looking like justin bieber but it seems every time i visit canada i get arrested for pedophile charges.

luis_r96 4

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Sunday 16 October 2011 5:26

No different guy lol

doctorwhogirl 0

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Sunday 16 October 2011 5:27

Reading this fml whilst on the toilet,

idontcare8l 3

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Sunday 16 October 2011 9:16

48 - so did the cat sleep tonight? Haha , i like your picture though on a serious note

nolaneldridge 1

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:04

what a dick...

vsat207 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:12

Op could've said that scooters are like fat girlfriends, fun to ride but not something to show around.

ckr911 5

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:15

You must have been waiting FOREVER to share that joke.

vsat207 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:15

Actually unlike you I have better things to do but wait to tell jokes and post 15 comments per fml.

dumboears 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:32

I wouldn't care if it was a dick move, I'd still laugh at it like I am now.

bevsta 7

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:35

You look fun

CRiiSPY_fml 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 13:10

Op should have said something about scooter belonging in the closet along with their sexuality...

thisisafunnyname 12

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Saturday 15 October 2011 14:26

That, my friends, is why you don't go any where without your glock.

alsnyder12 0

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Saturday 22 October 2011 3:23

Lmao, fucking... Great

Gymnast317 4

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:05

He's an asshole!

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:16

He's an evil genius!

MarioDragon 14

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:30

That'd make my morning bike ride all the better

dumboears 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:36

He's hilarious.

kirsty1551 3

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Saturday 15 October 2011 8:09

what does momentum mean? c:

BellaBelle_fml 23

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Saturday 15 October 2011 8:33

kirsty1551- Stay in school...forever.

phoenixslayer69 4

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Saturday 15 October 2011 8:34

If you need to ask this question, you should first ask your parents for permission to go on FML

starwind3438 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 12:33

It's ok 70. You're blond.

starwind3438 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 13:31

94,it can be spelled either way idiot.

Adman567 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 15:00

How bout u all leave kirsty the fuck alone. Who cares if she doesnt know wat momentum means and wtf is with the blonde jokes, shes probably good at other things so calm

vergaso 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 16:34

Stop sucking kursty's dick... She is obviously retarded or a bad bad bad obvious troll... If not she's a child.... And we don't need more retarded child wannabe trolls here.... That is all

vergaso 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 16:37

Stop sucking kursty's dick... She is obviously retarded or a bad bad bad obvious troll... If not she's a child.... And we don't need more retarded child wannabe trolls here.... That is all

dumboears 8

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Saturday 15 October 2011 18:32

Kirsty, lemme introduce you to my friend google

FMLandurstoo 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:05

You did drop something. Your virginity. I'll pick it up for you though. Mmmmmmhmmmmm

instnt1nfction 17

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:12

Are you a pedophile?

FMLandurstoo 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:15

Duh.

XKXKKXK 10

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:17

Giggity giggity goo!

sleepydeath 4

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:11

That new paper boy gone and broke my sternum

stevenJB 25

Saturday 15 October 2011 7:18

Haha oh Herbert..... Plz don't touch me

EvilPotato 14

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Saturday 15 October 2011 12:30

4 mommy, I'm scared.

FMLandurstoo 9

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Saturday 15 October 2011 22:09

I'll touch you a lot

saga_darlin 0

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Sunday 16 October 2011 0:57

herbert the pervert

angrymexican 8

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Wednesday 19 October 2011 4:12

I miss those family guy character conversations on fml

UrNuckinFuts 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:06

Now kids, that's an asshole! :( sorry op!!

wakadalhadaf 4

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:34

Smartest guy in the world!!!

Bajee 10

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:07

What a douche!!!

rkmepm 16

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Saturday 15 October 2011 14:37

What a showerhead? :S

nate_msm 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:08

He had a point tho but still FYL

illmatic2 16

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:09

You got trolled IRL.

ricinator 11

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:03

he did get trolled, but if I were him, I would've just laughed it off in my own embarrassment at how much of a genius that guy was :P

rkmepm 16

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Saturday 15 October 2011 14:44

Trolololololol ^^ but in all seriousness I would be pretty angry at the scooter boy

The_Instigator 11

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:09

You have to admit, that is pretty funny.

atlanta_lex 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:11

That sucks...what a douche. Since you were already stopped, you should've picked up a stick and thrown it at his wheel so it would get caught in the spokes and he would fall.

atlanta_lex 0

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Saturday 15 October 2011 6:25

Fuck I just re-read where it says the other dude was on a scooter........so never mind

ricinator 11

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Saturday 15 October 2011 7:17

it might have been a motorized scooter... not the push ones, cause it says the guy headed past him. A push scooter can't really be much faster than a bike