By rcoale1983 - 14/08/2016 17:59 - United States - Streamwood

Today, I was practicing for a Cambodian ceremony. I'm American. My fiancée is Cambodian. While doing the practice, I had six people in my face telling me what to do, all at the same time. I got frustrated and accidentally blurted out, "This is fucking retarded." Now the whole family is mad at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks 11 113
You deserved it 13 240

rcoale1983 tells us more.

Hi everyone. I'm the one who posted this. I knew I would get slaughtered in the comments, totally expected it. I wasn't able to explain everything in 300 characters. So here goes... my fiancee and I have been together for 8 years. I have nothing against her culture. If I did, we wouldn't be getting married. I've been to many Cambodian events and never had an issue. It's interesting going to these things. It's different and it's a new experience. Anyways, during this practice, everything was going smooth up until I had the whole family questioning me all at the same time. There's a part in the ceremony where I have to kneel down. I'm a disabled vet. My left knee is shot. I can't kneel down. The whole family knows this. When I refused to kneel down, everyone was shocked that my knee is bad. They've known about my knees since forever. That's when everyone decided to start hounding me and that's when I said, "this is ******* retarded." I didn't mean at all for it to come out. It just came out. Never at any point was it directed at their culture. It was directed at everybody there acting all surprised about my knees and everybody there questioning me and trying tell me what to do all at the same time. What I said was completely said out of frustration.

Top comments

I retract my original comment, with this explanation I don't consider it a YDI anymore, not for you anyway, maybe for them though. What you said wasn't great, but their behaviour was even more unacceptable. Expecting you to kneel when you physically can't, that's just insensitive and not right. They're literally asking you to go beyond what your body is capable of, that makes no sense. The comment wasn't even directed at their culture, it was directed at their behaviour, they were being unreasonable then, and they're being unreasonable now for being mad at you. In my opinion, your reaction was justified, I would have been upset in that situation too.

Good thing I read this before I voted. This isn't something anybody deserves, and I'm pretty sure we've all been there when we randomly blurt out certain phrases out of frustration that we don't mean.


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awildwhisper 30

Why is the FML community so hateful?? Has no one ever been really frustrated/ angry/ upset and cried out out or said things they didn't mean?

Read OP's reply, then reevaluate where you stand.

ChaiseT 16

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You could have just asked them to speak one at a time...

Just out of curiosity, have you ever been so overwhelmed that things just get blurted out?

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You're acting like you've never blurted out something you didn't mean to say. Everybody's done it at least once in their life. Yeah, he should've thought about first it before saying it, but like I said, we've all been there before, most likely in different situations than the OP was in.

Not something like that. I have been in a similar situation where everyone is talking, many times, and what I always do, without fail, is saying: "Does anyone want to add anything?" You have to control what you say. Also yes, I understand you were upset, but retarded is never the word to use.

Reading his long post, give the guy a break. He didn't snap because of a tradition or even the fact that they where talking to him at the same time. They ignored his disability that prevents him fron doing something. Basically the reverse of 6 people screaming to a guy with a wheelchair to stand up.. that was indeed ridiculous and ignorant of them.

I would never blurt out the word "retarded," either, because it IS disrespectful...but I was sympathetic to OP even before his follow up. If I had a group of people in my face, all shouting at me at once, I'm pretty sure I'd say (or yell) something inappropriate too (more along the lines of "**** each and every one of you in the ass with a dry fist," though), if not resort to lashing out physically. Taking a deep breath isn't always an option when you feel like you're being attacked from all sides.

I read his follow up and yes, the others were acting stupid, but that does not mean, that you should just say anything that pops in your head, especially the word retarded. I still agree, that it was a bad situation and I don't think that he deserves it.

Here in NZ calling someone retarded is a daily thing.

#42 (and anyone else who is getting upset about OP's use of the word 'retarded')... I'm going to share my opinion on this controversial subject. Firstly though, let me tell you the etymology of two other (shall we say, less controversial) insults. The word cretin, though not so common anymore, originated from the French word 'crétin'. Wanna know what that meant? 'a dwarfed and deformed idiot'. I'll give y'all another one. Moron. Who here has called someone a moron? Or thinks it's more appropriate than 'retard'? Etymology of moron: originated in early 20th century. Medical term referring to an adult with a mind of an 8-12 year old. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? It doesn't take much thinking to consider the origins of the word 'lame' or 'dumb', and how they evolved over time as well. I'm going to declare a - perhaps radical - notion. Words evolve. I am willing to bet a good amount of money that in 50 years time, the word 'retard' and its connotations will be akin to the use of the word 'moron', today. There's a good number of you here, I'm sure, who had no idea of the origins of the word 'moron' until reading this comment. In 50 years, there might be a good number of people who will have no clue of the origins of the word 'retard' either. I am willing to bet a good amount of money that *nothing* anyone here can do will change that fact. Those in the medical profession have seen that coming, and this is why 'intellectually disabled' has taken over as the correct terminology as opposed to 'mentally retarded'. 'intellectually disabled' is less 'catchy', as an insult, you see. I can understand how and why some of you don't like it. But unfortunately that is just how language evolves. People are now using the word 'retarded', not in any relation to the disabled community, but instead to convey the meaning of 'stupid' or 'idiotic', and to a growing number of the population this meaning is the one understood. As soon as this number grows to become the vast majority, the use of the word 'retarded' to convey and express the meaning of 'idiotic' or 'stupid' will become standard, and its connection to the mentally disabled community will continue to fade and, likely, be forgotten. As the utilitarian that I am, I suggest that the best course of action one can take is to speed up this inevitable process. This transition phase is the uncomfortable one that nobody likes, and every time someone reminds someone else of the offensiveness of the word 'retarded' the transition phase slows down. The sooner the word 'retard' only carries its singular meaning of 'idiotic', and sheds its connection to its origin, the better. Nobody cares that 'cretin' and 'moron' used to be just as offensive as 'retarded', because the evolution of the word has completed and nobody can remember how it used to be anymore. It would be objectively better for everyone if 'retarded' would complete its evolution, too.

In addition to #66's comment, the term "idiot" was also used in the early 20th century to describe those with IQs 25 or lower, and I know for a fact that's a word we've all used towards someone before. If the word "retard" offends you, then how about looking up the history of words commonly used to insult people before you say them, because you'd be surprised to learn that a majority of these terms used to insult people today were once medical terms used by psychologists that evolved into insults, like 66 pretty much said.

Words do evolve and I agree with a lot of what you said...but the word Retard is still pretty fresh and still used to oppress people with mental differences. Putting that aside though...that is still very vulgar speech to use in front of a family.

From what I understand, the meaning of 'retard' is changing and when it is used, it is more commonly used to mean an idiot or a simpleton than as a slur against mentally disabled people. And the more people who use it for the former meaning, the faster its evolution will complete and the faster the latter use will get fazed out (and the latter use is the hurtful use). That's why I'm in favour of it - just like the word 'cretin' is not hurtful anymore, I would prefer to fast-forward to the time when the word 'retard' will not be hurtful anymore. And the only way to do this, in my opinion, is to speed up the process of evolution so the word 'retard' can hurry up and shed its offensive meaning just like its predecessors have. I'm very much a 'the end justifies the means' kind of person, and I know not everyone has that mindset so I can understand/accept differences in opinion here. I just feel like the word's evolution is inevitable so better to get it done sooner than later. *shrugs*

spacejayce 5

There are SO many other things you could've said but you chose to say the rudest one. You 100% deserve it OP.

mintlegendary 14

You are retarded for this comment. The guy is a disabled vet who couldn't kneel down. They knew this. They are retarded. End of story.

YDI, you said one of the worst things you could possibly say in that situation. You insulted not only their traditions, but basically your wedding/marriage to your fiancée as well because it will include those traditions. It's really not that hard to say "enough, this is too overwhelming with everyone in my face, speak one at a time so I can better understand." You could have even asked to take a small break.

The way I interpreted the post, OP only meant that it was retarded that everyone was talking at the same timee and still expected him to understand them, not that the ceremony was retarded. But I can definitely see how people would misinterpreet it.

He might have meant that, but saying it in the middle of practicing other's traditions, it sounds like it's directed at their traditions. In any case though, I retracted my statement after reading OP's explanation.

I understand being really frustrated and that slipping out, but I also understand her family being upset. Hopefully you can explain that you were just overwhelmed and didn't mean what you said (hopefully you didn't mean it). Good luck OP.