Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide... - FML

By vbscb - 7/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

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Great boyfriend

Goodbye Bill

Yappy neighborhood

By deucelututi - 31/5/2009 12:03 - United States

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 23:08

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2009 22:38 - United States

Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML

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By Rick - 14/3/2010 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in a river with a £700 camera, a £200 lens, and an iPhone while trying to rescue a 50 pence ball for my dog. FML

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By nohalloweenforus - 31/10/2016 15:22

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2010 01:59 - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go in for work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

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By piliseep - 7/6/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

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By theslutmuncher - 14/12/2012 23:20 - Germany - Merseburg

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

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By TrulyYours - 7/5/2009 12:39 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML

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By SallyGeen - 27/7/2011 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

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By proudestmonkey - 24/3/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/3/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

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By f*** - 6/3/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was meeting my sister's fiancé. I went to an internet cafe before I went to her house for dinner with them. I was on a computer and there was this really attractive man next to me. I was flirting with him and we exchanged numbers. Turns out, he is my sister's fiancé. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 00:49 - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

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By foxownerapperantly - 7/6/2015 21:48 - Netherlands - Hoorn

Today, an old lady in public transport yelled at me and my dog, called me a liar, and threw her grape soda over me because according to her my pet Shiba Inu was actually a fox, and keeping foxes as pets is illegal. FML

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By Mandi - 28/8/2012 00:09 - United States - Cary

Today, I found out why my District Manager won't promote me to store manager; his wife thinks he's having an affair with me. If he promotes me, she will take that as evidence of the affair, and then will threaten to divorce him. FML

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By ohdang - 1/3/2012 17:12 - United States

Today, my therapist clapped for me when I told her I'd made a friend. FML

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By noname - 27/4/2012 12:04 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I found out that my fellow marching band mates all refer to me as the "short girl with big tits" because none of them can remember my name. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 18:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

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By Crossy - 23/8/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

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By LaLa - 20/9/2019 22:00

One nation, under rod

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

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By Cynical - 30/3/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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By musicmaniac13 - 18/3/2011 19:08 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2013 00:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

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By anonymous - 21/1/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

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By Quasimodo - 18/10/2013 12:40 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

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By HereKittyKitty - 1/12/2013 20:27 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

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By ugh - 15/7/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

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By badadvise - 23/3/2012 04:05 - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

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By lk07 - 3/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

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By John W. - 12/10/2011 12:37 - United States

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

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By Tired - 17/8/2016 17:51

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it and did it herself. FML

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By Snotmyfault - 11/1/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

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By BiteMe14 - 7/1/2011 19:10 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about my foot phobia. To help me "get over it", he took his socks off, pinned me down, and rubbed his foot against my face until I started sobbing. FML

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By Jealousbitch - 12/4/2012 09:27 - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

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By jellybean - 6/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2013 13:18 - United States - Allendale

Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML

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Top comments

By DrunkenValor | 0

#608519 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:04

Outsmarted by a child, boy do I know how that feels.

By sretter | 0

#608521 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:04

Thats one smart niece

Comments

By DrunkenValor | 0

#608519 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:04

Outsmarted by a child, boy do I know how that feels.

Reply

Reyo | 2

#610007 - Thursday 8 October 2009 7:06

lol...oldest trick ever and you fell for it.
Honestly though, as soon as I got inside, I'd smack the shit out of her. If the parents protest, lock THEM out of the house.

Reply

#610083 - Thursday 8 October 2009 9:17

I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I'd hold her down with one hand and repeatedly bi*ch-slap her with the other!!!

Reply

tmcnatt2012 | 0

#964463 - Friday 19 March 2010 22:12

that child is a genius

Reply

safirestar09 | 0

#1014591 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 5:22

#72 and #77 are awesome. Although that sounds like something my parents would do.

Reply

kaegomay12 | 17

#3542647 - Friday 4 November 2011 22:49

she must be well smart

Reply

johnrdz3 | 24

#6235737 - Wednesday 18 March 2015 7:14

This kid is going places.

By wyld3fyr3 | 3

#608520 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:04

that sucks

By sretter | 0

#608521 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:04

Thats one smart niece

Reply

GreenHacker | 0

#613242 - Saturday 10 October 2009 10:12

or one dumb babysitter

Reply

rileybrownie | 0

#2855390 - Saturday 9 July 2011 12:23

ahh that is golden

By CaMarshall | 0

#608522 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:05

HAHAHA! You got owned by a 6 year old! How big of a fool did you feel like when you walked up and saw that a 6 year old had out smarted you???

Reply

lordhelmet | 0

#609546 - Thursday 8 October 2009 2:12

the niece could either have disliked the baby sitter or just be on the road to obesity, time will tell on the latter.

Reply

buckfasthero | 0

#609751 - Thursday 8 October 2009 3:46

where does it say the niece was six?

Reply

riplikethat | 0

#610065 - Thursday 8 October 2009 8:35

Yeah, how exactly do you know that the niece was six?

Are you stalking the OP or something?

By DeathShad0 | 0

#608531 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:09

pwnt

By LifeInTheShadows | 0

#608536 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:10

smart lil' kid...sorry, you deserve it =/ next time, bring the cookies with you

By nofrillz | 0

#608540 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:11

barely and fml. if you had come back to find her hanging herself or dead that would be fml.

Reply

MaramaBreaksFace | 0

#608566 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:22

And I'm sure if that was the case, she would rush to post it on a website like this...
Idiot.

By ProtoBuster_1 | 5

#608541 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:11

How does she deserve it?

Reply

BenignScientists | 0

#608730 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 18:12

letting a child she was supposed to watch out of her sight for so long

Reply

Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#608963 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 21:13

Yupp, when I play hide and seek with my nieces, my and my sister split up so they are never alone. Something worse could have happened!

Reply

dudeitsdanny | 9

#609875 - Thursday 8 October 2009 5:07

I agree.
Or at least stay in the house if you're playing in the house.
Cheater.
And hiding in a place that was OUTSIDE meant the kid would have to go outside on her own.

By blakehilli8 | 0

#608546 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:12

She's one smart cookie.

Reply

Vaetrus | 0

#609584 - Thursday 8 October 2009 2:22

hehe

Reply

Jakester | 0

#609739 - Thursday 8 October 2009 3:37

I was thinking the same thing!

By napero | 0

#608553 - Wednesday 7 October 2009 16:14

Cookie monster OM NOM NOM NOM NOM! :D