Today, I was on a walk when I ran into the woman whose kids I babysit. We had a quick chat, and I noticed she had just blown her driveway clean. As I left, I said "You did a nice blow job!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML
Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML
Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman said, "Nice dog!" Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I was walking through the main lobby at school and I saw someone waving at me, so I waved back. Turns out she was just cleaning a glass door. I heard laughter behind me. FML
Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML
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Top comments
dani22097 0
then she winked at you
surferchick96 0
Sir, please, i dont like to talk about my oral gifts in front of the children.
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Comments (54)
BigBagel 0
You sly dog you.
KristinaKreme 0
That's what you get for not speaking correctly ;P "********," really? A 5 year old couldve said it better.
jess6blondie9 3
A five year old probably could have came up with a better come back too
Ninja_ABN 0
Oooohhh BURN! xD
jacetopia96 1
happy almost birthday 37 lol
dre_bro11 12
rofl.. reminds me of the time someone told my teacher he needed a ******** by accident instead of blow dry
Soteria 0
my mother : "i wouldnt leave without a *******!" loudly at the salon, a woman left with her hair wet still.
sammie25 0
haaahaaa,
Stumblebum30 5
Why is this an FML ?
Albertkoholic 8
yes. I can see why this ruined your life. (sarcastic font needed)
crazypomgurl3 0
that was all your fault
franniedottp 8
you look almost exactly like my music teacher
VladAlex 0
lol how's that an fml? this is something I'd laugh at If it happened to me
heyred 11
I call bullshit.
pennies_lane 6
I wouldn't worry OP, I'm sure she was just flattered that you had heard about it ;)